Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Bare bum in dressing room , AIBU.

892 replies

pinkboa · 26/11/2019 22:57

I take DS to swimming. I got the times wrong turned up for the wrong lesson. I decide to go back to the changing room to wait. I find it hard to breath in the pool area, 30 minutes is ok, an hour and I can feel my asthma begin to act up.

There is a dad there getting his daughters dressed (fine) he was in the pool and he's down to his underwear.

Another dad arrives with his son, him and my DS are in the same lesson.

Anyways dad of daughters decides to get dressed... he drops his pants and is stark naked in front of his daughters. He is also by the door so if another parent was coming in their child would have walked into his penis! And it wasn't less than a minute because he was drying himself as well 🤢...

There are cubicles. He could have used a towel as well.

Why would and adult choose to get naked in a dressing room at a swim lesson for children with strangers around.

AIBU to find it bizarre?

His bum was also hairy and unattractive 🤢.

OP posts:
Biancadelrioisback · 27/11/2019 18:42

OP you've said repeatedly that you didn't feel he should be naked around other people's children. Now since he was in his designated changing facility and using it as a changing facility, you are also saying that he shouldn't be doing that (in the way he chose to do if) with "other people's" (aka your) children present. Therefore, once children (again, aka your child) was present, your child being present trumped his right to use his designated facility for its intended purpose.
Please correct me if I'm wrong, otherwise what is the point of your OP?

JoannaObrien · 27/11/2019 18:43

@pinkboa

I would call it a hairy arse ..

spanglydangly · 27/11/2019 18:43

@pinkboa keep out make dressing rooms and you've still not said why you didn't think that you being the ONLY WOMAN WITH A SON in there was odd, you won't then see hairy male arses!

And before you say I did t realise it was wrong, you did, you were the only mother doing it and liked the fact it was empty! So cultural knowledge is total bullshit and only said when you were handed your arse on a plate!

SalemShadow · 27/11/2019 18:54

This can't be fit real. A woman goes into a man's changing room and sits for half an hour and complains she sees a penis!! So what if his daughters were there. My dh takes my daughter swimming all the time. You are beyond ridiculous!

ShadowOnTheSun · 27/11/2019 19:04

No way this thread is real. Think about it. I cannot imagine a single person in the world marching into an opposite sex changing room, sitting there for 30 mins, seeing a correct sex person changing there and COMPLAINING about it. Not only complaining, but insinuating that the changing person is some sort of perv, because he's not hiding behind the towel in the appropriate sex CHANGING room. Can any of the posters imagine someone they know doing such? Just wtf.

If I'd be such person (in school of all the places!), I'd be thanking my lucky stars (and the hairy-arsed bloke!) that I wasn't reported for being a pervert and police wasn't called. Either that man didn't care enough, or was just too embarrassed and wanted to forget the whole incident asap. Because if it was a man sitting in women's changing room for 30 mins.. Wait, this wouldn't happen, women would not let him sit there for half an hour, he'd be instantly thrown out, school notified and police called (and rightfully so).

Spartak · 27/11/2019 19:23

I'm curious as to why, when it became obvious the man was getting changed did you not get up and leave the changing room.

And also what harm you think might come to your two year old from seeing an adult get changed. He's not going to catch syphilis, chlamydia or the gay by a glimpse of a penis or arse. He may however learn that there is nothing wrong with bodies of different shapes and sizes.

JoannaObrien · 27/11/2019 19:27

@Spartak

I would not have remained there .. hairy arse!

Yuk!

user1480880826 · 27/11/2019 19:31

You were in the men’s changing room ffs! What did you expect to see? He was using a facility for its intended purpose and you are offended by it. Your are beyond ridiculous.

Next time I suggest you go and sit somewhere else.

Also, what is the relevance of his arse being hairy? Imagine a man coming on here and saying he was disgusted by a woman for having hairy armpits. It’s normal to have hair on your body. Again, it’s nothing to be offended by. You’re reacting like it’s the first time you’ve seen a naked body and it didn’t live up to your expectations.

dontcallmeduck · 27/11/2019 19:50

I haven’t read the full thread but having read you were in the men’s you were totally unreasonable! Imagine what would happen if a man went and sat in the women’s for 30 minutes because it was hot or whatever! I’m surprised he didn’t complain about you. You shouldn’t be in the men’s when the adults are getting changed!

Sexnotgender · 27/11/2019 19:55

I can’t believe you sat in the MEN’S changing room for 1/2 an hour! WTF... seriously if a man did that in the ladies there would be rightful outrage. You are beyond in the wrong.

Shplot · 27/11/2019 20:06

Why do you keep replying if you’re so insistent you don’t care?
Are you enjoying life under that bridge of yours?
Maybe you should take a break from mumsnet and consider why you were completely and utterly in the wrong.

spanglydangly · 27/11/2019 20:23

Good to see that OPs stopped replying....... after the children are in bed! She wouldn't want to take time out of her time when she can do it during the hours the children are awake!

JorisBonson · 27/11/2019 20:33

Incrdible thread. Great twists and turns. 10/10.

JorisBonson · 27/11/2019 20:34

I'm off to hang around men's changing rooms and toilets to try to get a glimpse of bum 🤞

MrsHaversham · 27/11/2019 20:47

Bloody hell. Op you are being a proper GF! Just wait in the ladies!!

mathanxiety · 27/11/2019 20:50

Pinkboa the point about people taking issue with your criticism of the man's hairy ass is that you shouldn't have been in the Men's Changing Room looking at it in the first place.

If your DS is 2 then you should bring him to the Women's Changing Room with you.

You have no business going into the Men's with him (or alone).

And quite frankly, if you deliver your completely unreasonable feelings and irrational opinions on a plate to the company here gathered, you are going to get shits and giggles aplenty.

pinkboa Wed 27-Nov-19 16:54:45 - invested much?

zaffa · 27/11/2019 21:00

Can I just point out that the OP felt that the man in question should have been hiding away in a cubicle to get changed (as I understand it) but I've just noticed in one of her updates that there weren't any changing cubicles!

It's at a school not not men men... so it doesn't smell. It's one toilet with a door... two showers and open space.

So there was one toilet, two showers, an open space and NO changing cubicle. What are you suggesting he do @pinkboa? Change in the toilet cubicle?? Or stay in his wet swimsuit for the onward journey?

Mjlp · 27/11/2019 21:02

If you go into the male changing room I think you have to accept you may see a male bare bum!

Original poster
pinkboa · 27/11/2019 21:03

... more pile ons from who who have completely missed everything I have said... brilliant...

I also think a lot of you fail to realise not every woman is raised in a "British" sense. I would never not think of going into a men's room if I needed it... never. They're always empty and I don't see why I should stand in a long queue just to do a wee. Nope, not I.

@user1480880826

Don't project your insecurities here... I said his bum was hairy... it was hairy! 😐 if it wasn't I would have said his bum... but then I suppose even that would have caused issues.

Not liking hairy armpits and saying someone has hairy armpits are two completely different things...even if it might look 🤢. You it's funny you mention that because I never shaved my legs or armpits until I was about 22...but different societies see.

@Spartak

Because he was getting his children dressed... why would I be watching a man dressing his children? In fact why would I be watching him?

@spanglydangly

Like a dog with a bone you just won't let go. Hope it doesn't choke you...

I used the men's because it is empty... plain and simple. I do not care what other mothers do... I do what is convenient for me and like I said I thought you went with the sex of the child. Regardless of that... a lot of women are prudish and in truth would never go into a men's changing room even if it was a class specifically for toddlers and it was empty I.DO.NOT.CARE😐 don't know how many times I need to reiterate that...

@Biancadelrioisback

Everyone has said it is the norm here even if it was my husband and daughter. I don't agree with it, but it is the done thing and that is that. If you did care to read you would have also noted I was not the only parent in the room, there was another father and his son getting dressed for the class.

And while it's the norm for people to be naked in changing rooms with or without children. It is not where I am from and not something I would do myself ( I don't have body issues... in fact after two kids I've learnt to love it in new ways) So while I do find it strange, I accept it's the done thing. I'll have to reconcile my own feelings about it.... but it is what it is. My DH is English and goes swimming so is more familiar with the norms around it.

OP posts:
my2bundles · 27/11/2019 21:05

When someone reports you, which they will if u carry on, you will care.

Original poster
pinkboa · 27/11/2019 21:06

@zaffa

A towel?

@mathanxiety

Did you read all of? Did I criticise his bottom or did I just say it was hairy... I don't seem to have gone into any details because I can't... it was just a bum that happened to have hair on it.

@MrsHaversham

No thanks... I'd miss all the hairy bums!

@Mjlp

Fair point.

OP posts:
spacepyramid · 27/11/2019 21:07

If you did care to read you would have also noted I was not the only parent in the room, there was another father and his son getting dressed for the class.

We did note that, you pointed out that they were in in the men's changing room which you were only using because it is always empty

Except it's not always empty is it? Today there were at least four people in there: a man and his daughters who were entitled to and an apparently voyeuristic busybody who shouldn't have been because they are female, possibly with other parts of their body being hairy, though judging by the many posts it clearly doesn't cause you a problem when typing.

zaffa · 27/11/2019 21:10

But @pinkboa he needed his towel to dry his hairy arse with! And the rest of him, how can he use the towel to both dry himself and protect his modesty? Must he carry more than one towel on the off chance a woman will be lurking in his changing room?

Do you carry more than one towel for this purpose? Do you often encounter men lurking in the ladies?

selfhelpneeded · 27/11/2019 21:11

Did you criticise his bum?

You said in your op it was unattractive and put sick emoji!

spanglydangly · 27/11/2019 21:16

I used the men's because it is empty... plain and simple. I do not care what other mothers do... I do what is convenient for me and like I said I thought you went with the sex of the child. Regardless of that... a lot of women are prudish and in truth would never go into a men's changing room even if it was a class specifically for toddlers and it was empty I.DO.NOT.CARE😐 don't know how many times I need to reiterate that...

So you do it because it's empty (but it wasn't ) you do it because you're not prudish (but you are]) you don't care what other mothers do, but come on mumsnet are argue with loads of other mothers about what t they do, so you do care,

You are batshit crazy!

Swipe left for the next trending thread