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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unreasonable to charge family for one off babysitting

287 replies

Partytrain · 26/11/2019 18:52

My sister and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things so wanted opinions on this. We've just moved house and my niece (sister's daughter) has been talking about sleepover at ours with our two young DC. DH & I have been invited out and I asked sister if niece wants to babysit our DC (basically watch a film until we get back) and sleep over that night. Sister said yes but asked how much she will be paid! As she is family I was never intending on paying her as I certainly wouldn't be charging. I said well I'll be giving her dinner and she'll be sleeping over and can join us next day at christmas fair. Just received message asking if I'll also be paying her bus fair. I think it's about £3 and my sister earns about 5 times more than I do! This isnt about paying money, more about the constant focus on money and tone from sister like she'll be doing me massive favour (lots of other recent things). I thought it would be fun for cousins but the questions about money make me uncomfortable. Aibu? Wwyd?

OP posts:
Dandelion753 · 26/11/2019 21:39

@geepipe
Families should help each other out its what families should do.
Exactly! My grandparents babysit for two or three hours once a week for us. We are well off and like buying them expensive/generous birthday and Christmas presents, but couldn’t imagine giving them 10-20 quid for looking after their own grandchild for a couple of hours. I guess if they were really hard up, but OP says sister is earning well.... So cold!

EarringsandLipstick · 26/11/2019 21:46

@Ellisandra
Not in a million years would I ask my sister what she's paying my DD.

Now for context, my DD is12 & the eldest of all her cousins. She loves hanging out with them & is amazing at minding them. She's sometimes trusted to stay for short times with them in my sister's / sister-in-law's house.

It's not babysitting of course so it's not the same. But she's sometimes been given a little bit of money but always gets treats like hot chocolate, allowed to bake, pizza brought. She's in 7th heaven.

We all get on well. I won't ask what she'll be paid if they ask her to babysit properly in a few years. I'm confident they'll treat her well, as that's how our family dynamic is.

I'd be mortified (with myself) if I asked something so crass as 'what are you paying her?' But, different families I guess!

BadLad · 26/11/2019 21:47

Or . . . you could pay her and give a her a bill for her food and bed.

Is this cheeky fucker poker, where you see the original cheeky fuckery and then raise the stakes?

StepAwayFromGoogle · 26/11/2019 21:48

OP, you have not invited your niece for a family sleepover. You have invited her to dinner, then babysitting, then a Christmas Fair. A sleepover would be all of you snuggled up under a duvet watching a film. Not leaving her in sole charge of your two children. Pay her you tight arse.

Lunde · 26/11/2019 21:51

@Dandelion753 - I think it’s tragic to to take a few quid from family, especially for looking after your own extended family!

I think it's more tragic to deny a teenager a bit of pocket money for helping their aunt and extremely tragic to expect the teenager to pay for the privilege of helping another family member's childcare situation by funding her own bus fare.

Totally different between adults where no payment would be expected as everyone has already.

yearinyearout · 26/11/2019 21:53

My Dd used to stay at my brother's to babysit his kids when she was a teen and he always gave her a tenner. YABU not to pay her at all but I don't think an hourly rate is necessary.

RolytheRhino · 26/11/2019 21:55

Exactly! My grandparents babysit for two or three hours once a week for us

Different situation entirely. Presumably your grandparents are not themselves teenagers? Therefore they already have money of their own and have no need of it from you?

Zoecarter · 26/11/2019 21:57

If it was my sister baby sitting I wouldn’t pay but niece I deffo would

RolytheRhino · 26/11/2019 21:57

I think it’s tragic to to take a few quid from family, especially for looking after your own extended family!

It's not tragic to pay a teenager for looking after her younger relatives. A few quid is likely to mean quite a lot to said teenager at this time of year. I'd say it's more tragic (and stingy) to expect free labour from children because you happen to be related to them.

MrsFogi · 26/11/2019 21:57

YABU pay the poor kid for the babysitting!!!

Cryalot2 · 26/11/2019 21:58

Logically how much enjoyment is she getting out of this?
Is it standard for her, if not give her money to enjoy herself with .

RolytheRhino · 26/11/2019 21:59

I babysit my neices and nephews for free all the time

Presumably you're an adult with other means of earning money?

AnneTwackie · 26/11/2019 22:00

You won’t even give her bus fare? CFery to the highest degree!

user68901 · 26/11/2019 22:03

I have always paid a teenager whether related or not. Am pretty sure a teenager can think of 100 things they’d rather do than babysit for free. It is an entirely different scenario between adults friends and relations.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/11/2019 22:04

Not much fun for your neice. To come for a sleepover and you bugger off and she doesn’t get paid anything even tho she is in charge of your young kids

Grobagsforever · 26/11/2019 22:06

@RandomMess the law states 14 for babysitting.

@Partytrain of course you should pay her! She's not free Labour

GeePipe · 26/11/2019 22:09

Rolytherhino actually to begin with i was an unemployed teenager when the first one arrived. As a teenager i babysat from the age of 13 for money for other peoples kids. In my family babysitting is free. I think anyone who expects payment for something like this has a very strange family set up and even odder values. Its actually pretty sad to make a normal family thing into a business plan. Monetising family.

MrsHardbroom · 26/11/2019 22:19

Of course you should pay her, she's a teenager earning a bit of money. At least £5 per hour is the going rate.

RolytheRhino · 26/11/2019 22:24

I think anyone who expects payment for something like this has a very strange family set up and even odder values.

If you take 'odd' and 'strange' to mean 'not the norm', then going by this thread your viewpoint is the odd one.

dancemom · 26/11/2019 22:27

You're going out therefore she's babysitting - you should pay her.

gingerbiscuits · 26/11/2019 22:34

I agree - pay her - she's doing you a favour, however you dress it up & it's not like you can repay her by doing the same for her, is it?

johnlennonsglasses · 26/11/2019 22:38

Definitely pay her. This is how teens earn extra pocket money!
If it was your sister babysitting then of course I wouldn't expect that you would pay her, but I'd give the niece at least £10-£15
Babysitting kept me in fags and cider when I was a teen!

Ash39 · 26/11/2019 22:40

You are being unreasonable. It would be different if you were actually going to be in that night spending time with her.
However you and your husband have chosen to go out that night and leave her in charge.
To an outsider it looks like using her for babysitting rather than having her with you for company.
Forget the dynamics with her mum. She's a teenager, assuming responsibility for youngsters that night. You need to pay her

GoldishLeafs · 26/11/2019 22:41

Pay her of course!! You sound cheap and ridiculous!!

Boom45 · 26/11/2019 22:51

I pay my teenage neighbour for babysitting. But I don't pay her mum when she does it and her mum doesn't pay me when I watch her younger siblings. Because it's different when it's a teen and when it's an adult. Give your niece a tenner, don't be tight when she's a kid doing you a favour.

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