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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unreasonable to charge family for one off babysitting

287 replies

Partytrain · 26/11/2019 18:52

My sister and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things so wanted opinions on this. We've just moved house and my niece (sister's daughter) has been talking about sleepover at ours with our two young DC. DH & I have been invited out and I asked sister if niece wants to babysit our DC (basically watch a film until we get back) and sleep over that night. Sister said yes but asked how much she will be paid! As she is family I was never intending on paying her as I certainly wouldn't be charging. I said well I'll be giving her dinner and she'll be sleeping over and can join us next day at christmas fair. Just received message asking if I'll also be paying her bus fair. I think it's about £3 and my sister earns about 5 times more than I do! This isnt about paying money, more about the constant focus on money and tone from sister like she'll be doing me massive favour (lots of other recent things). I thought it would be fun for cousins but the questions about money make me uncomfortable. Aibu? Wwyd?

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 27/11/2019 09:49

My DD and DN babysit for children in the family and both get paid a minimum of £10. Its important for teenagers to start earning money and presumably as your DC get older you would like her to babysit fore longer, she might not be so keen if it's just expected of her with no financial reward.

KnobJockey · 27/11/2019 10:02

My DD is 15 and often babysits for younger cousins. She then stays for dinner or does activities with them. She is always paid for this. Sometimes she goes around just to spend time with them. She may offer to watch the kids while they pop to Asda or whatever, and won't be paid, as she's offering to.

What you are asking is for her to sit by herself watching a film, while her younger cousins are asleep. You are also asking her to assume responsibility if, for example, one of them suddenly vomits or bangs their head. That is not the same as a sleepover with adults present.

HoppingPavlova · 27/11/2019 10:16

There would be no question that there should be no payment if your sister was looking after your kids. However, a teenager babysitting - they get paid. Just pay her. I’m sure you would be paying more if you engaged a stranger to babysit so good value, costs you less (but you still pay) and the kids know her.

No idea what your sisters financial situation has to do with anything as this will be your teenage niece who I take it does not have a high flying 6 figure salary, not your financially independent sister.

BrickTop999 · 27/11/2019 10:53

Wow how breathtakingly mean of you !! I love how you keep trying to justify being a cheeky fucker !
Pay your niece and her bus fair !
End of
Oh and tip the waiter too ....... or do you squirm out of that one too Grin

Kanin · 27/11/2019 11:18

Cancel. We had a similar situation with our SIL and niece. So after years of providing babysitting for SIL's kids, including meals out, take ways etc - we finally asked if they could babysit for us (after they had made it clear that DN would be happy to do so). We were texted DN's babysitting rates. We declined and looked elsewhere for child care.

melj1213 · 27/11/2019 11:33

@Kanin do you not see the difference between a reciprocal arrangement between adults and a teenage babysitter?

If a teen offers to do a short stint of babysitting because of unexpected circumstances - eg when as a teen my aunt's toddler twins had just fallen asleep 15 minutes before she had to pick up her elder two from clubs and she needed to pop to the shop I offered to stay in the house so she didnt have to wake the twins/take them with her - I would not expect payment (though in those circumstances my aunt would usually get me a bar of chocolate from the shop to say thanks). However, if it is an arranged event where you are going to be out of the house for a specified amount of time and need someone to supervise your children then you need to pay your babysitter.

Even as an adult I might not get paid with cold hard cash in hand but, in my family at least, we pay adult babysitters in favours - whether that's reciprocal babysitting, mowing the lawn, helping move heavy furniture etc - or at the very least leave them some nice treats - nice snacks/drinks on the night and/or treating them the next time you're out together even if that's just getting the first round in at the pub.

Mamabear88 · 27/11/2019 12:30

Absolutely you should be paying her. Don't really understand why you think you shouldn't be...cause she's your niece, so? You're leaving her alone and responsible for your kids whilst you go out therefore she's a babysitter and should be paid. End of.

TheRightHonerable · 27/11/2019 12:35

I’ve seen a couple of comments now where people cite having babysat for nieces/nephews as reason that now teenage nieces and nephews should baby sit their kids for free.

Do you not understand that your looking after them when they were little was a favour to their parents not them? When you baby sit a child it’s not the child you’re ‘helping out’ Jesus 😂

Ask your siblings to watch your kids ‘hey, remember when I watched your kids all those times well can you now watch mine?’ - not CF
‘Can teenage DN babysit our kids for free?’ - CF

BlueCornsihPixie · 27/11/2019 13:07

Of course you pay a teenager to babysit! There's a massive difference between an adult with their own money, probably a reciprocal arrangement and a child babysitting your DC. You might give your DC pocket money for loading the dishwasher but your my going to pay your husband!

kanin and when did you babysit your nieces DC? Your neice isn't an extension of your sil. It's really cheeky to expect a child to babysit for free. In fact even an adult I would either repay the favour or buy them dinner/drink whatever. So although not monetary payment certainly a Thankyou

BlueJava · 27/11/2019 13:46

Could you leave the children there on their own? If yes then i don't think you should pay. If you wouldn't leave them on their own then you should pay.

Pumpkintopf · 27/11/2019 17:11

I think op is not coming back...

Ihavetoomanyfeelings · 27/11/2019 18:13

I was always the baby/toddler mad kid and teenager. At family gatherings/parties/weddings I was always the one who ended up looking after the kids while the adults got pissed 😂 I never minded one bit and never expected to get paid for it, yet 99% of the time they would force a tenner into my hands and it was lovely to feel so appreciated, and have a bit of spare cash.

The point is you don't HAVE to pay your niece at all if you don't want to, and I'm getting the impression you REALLY don't want to. But the decent thing would be to pay her, she's giving up her time to do a job she wasn't expecting, she wanted to come for a sleepover with her family not take responsibility for your kids while you piss off out.

Once she is an adult and has her own family then by all means make it a 'families do each other favours' arrangement, until then she deserves to be paid.

Newbie1999 · 27/11/2019 18:26

Agree you should pay, even just a token payment. If you and DH are going out for 2/3 hours it’s not a sleepover - she’s babysitting.

Peoplearemiserable · 27/11/2019 18:52

You should definitely pay her! Don’t be so stingy!

cstaff · 27/11/2019 19:35

As an adult I have looked after my nieces and nephews and wouldn't dream of charging for that but as a teenager that was how I made extra pocket money. CF OP.

Theworldisfullofgs · 27/11/2019 19:38

You should pay her.

If it was your sister she'd be doing you a favour which you could repay. You're asking a lid to give up her time...

SalemShadow · 27/11/2019 19:45

Definitely should pay her

halvincarris · 27/11/2019 19:46

Pay her

This isn't about your sister it's about your niece., show your appreciation and pay her for her time while she's taking care of your kids.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 27/11/2019 21:53

I think posters are kissing the point. The niece wanted to sleepover anyway.
I think your sister is being cheeky.

Runnerduck34 · 27/11/2019 23:45

If your sister was babysitting then I wouldn't expect you to pay. But it's your niece ,who is presumably a teenager with limited or no income? Earning a few pounds babysitting is what teenagers do. I think yabu not to pay your niece. You wouldn't be able to go out without her there and it's a nice gesture and allows her to earn a bit of money

Macca84 · 27/11/2019 23:52

Crikey. I was babysitting my niece from when I turned 13, I'd never have dreamt of wanting paid!

Bluerussian · 29/11/2019 05:31

Granted the niece wanted a sleepover but still, that didn't include looking after younger children for an evening. I think the girl should be paid if only so that she has some money to spend when she goes out with the op's family the next day. She'll really appreciate that and the op will be able to ask her again if a baby sitter is required.

Josephinebettany · 29/11/2019 05:45

Of course you should pay her. She's looking after your children while you go out. That's not a sleepover. And you're expecting her to get a bus instead of picking her up and dropping her home? And expecting her to pay? And thinking you're right?

motherheroic · 29/11/2019 05:59

You phoned her up to babysit and want to pay her by taking her to a fair you were going to anyway? A fair where she would just be following you and the kids around? A fair that she wouldn't have any money to participate in? And I assume you wouldn't be sliding her a little cash to have fun seeing as you're arguing over £3.

motherheroic · 29/11/2019 06:02

@Shooturlocalmethdealer A sleepover doesn't involve the parents leaving the children to go out. The responsibilities have now shifted.

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