To think it's unreasonable to charge family for one off babysitting

[Partytrain]

My sister and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things so wanted opinions on this. We've just moved house and my niece (sister's daughter) has been talking about sleepover at ours with our two young DC. DH & I have been invited out and I asked sister if niece wants to babysit our DC (basically watch a film until we get back) and sleep over that night. Sister said yes but asked how much she will be paid! As she is family I was never intending on paying her as I certainly wouldn't be charging. I said well I'll be giving her dinner and she'll be sleeping over and can join us next day at christmas fair. Just received message asking if I'll also be paying her bus fair. I think it's about £3 and my sister earns about 5 times more than I do! This isnt about paying money, more about the constant focus on money and tone from sister like she'll be doing me massive favour (lots of other recent things). I thought it would be fun for cousins but the questions about money make me uncomfortable. Aibu? Wwyd?

You need to pay.

£10 to £15 at least is reasonable

I think it would be a nice gesture to pay her a tenner so that she has some money to spend at the fair. She's doing you a favour enabling you to go out.

She should definitely be paid. She will be responsible for your children, she isn't coming for a cosy sleepover with no responsibilities. If I babysat for my nieces and nephews I would never want paying however if my DD babysat for them I would expect my siblings to pay her something.

I'd pay your niece but your sister's tone does sound horrid.

If it was your sister babysitting I'd say she was being unreasonable asking for money as adults do favours for people all the time. As it's your teenage neice I would offer to pay her a small amount - teens don't get a lot of opportunity to earn money and it will teach her a bit of responsibility.

You should also be paying her bus fair/picking her up.

I can see why your sister might think you are taking advantage of her daughter.

Pay your babysitter. I'd give £5 an hour, as the national minimum wage for 16 year olds is about £4.30 if memory serves correctly. Seems a good guide for what's appropriate.

I’m quite that you object to paying the bus fare for a teen doing you a favour. (which it is, as you didn’t intend to pay her)

You’re not giving her something extra, letting her have dinner with you - she’d get dinner at home. A trip to a Xmas Fair is not like you taking her with you for the day to Chessington!

Ah I see, I thought you meant she could watch a film to entertain herself and they would be asleep.

I still think you should pay her for the couple of hours you’re out though, unless she has specifically asked to look after them on her own, maybe as practice for other baby sitting jobs. She’s still doing you a favour and while she’ll be less bored than I thought it’ll be harder work!

I think you should pay her - not sure why you wouldn't

I’d give the teen a tenner for it and maybe phrase it that she can spend it the next day at the fair (so your not spending another tenner on her the next day). It’s about the teen having a bit of control and practicing earning something of her own.

I also agree and think you should give your niece something.

We generally buy friends or family who have offered to babysit a takeaway.

Yes, definitely pay her if you’re leaving her responsible for your dc. I’m not even sure why a teenager would want a sleepover with much younger kids but lovely if she does. This is different though, you’re asking her to be in charge. As others have said it’s fine if it’s part of a reciprocal arrangement but you’re not going to look after her kids any time soon so I don’t see how it can be.

@Alwayshangryhangry but the OP hasn’t posted what her sister actually said. Only that she asked how much she’d be paid, and if they’d be covering her bus fare. How do you know the sister’s tone is horrid? It’s only OP that says it is - she hasn’t shown that it is.

I can well imagine an OP posting “I feel my sister is a CF expecting niece to babysit for free - WIBU to step in and text to ask about payment? My daughter’s only a teen and would do it for free, but honestly I think my sister is taking advantage of her. For example, even when helping them out by babysitting, they won’t even give her the £3 bus fare! I think it’s because my sister earns a lot less than me, but it feels rude that I’m expected to pay for her babysitter’s travel, because I’m “loaded”. WWYD?”

I 'd be inclined to offer to pay this time. It might be that in the longer term she can become a regular babysitter. I used to do this for family. Depending on circumstances I sometimes took payment. As I got older (earned money elsewhere) not so much.

However the arrangement was between them and me. Nothing to do with my DM. Why not arrange directly with your DN?

My question is why would you invite your niece over for a sleepover on the same night when you and DH have planned to be out after dinner. Not nice to leave a guest on her own.

Nobody would be charging anyone in my family. That’s what we do, why would you charge family? Crass in my opinion

As it is your niece and not your sister or mum babysitting, I would pay her because youngsters always need money for different things even if parents give them a decent allowance. I know I'd want to give her something and she would be so chuffed.

Generally though, the adults in families don't charge, they do each other favours if they can.

I used to babysit years ago for neighbours and they left me nice things to eat, I didn't want money but I was a grown up. Later on they looked after mine occasionally so it was reciprocal.

Yes you should pay her.

@Ellisandra

If she wants a sleepover, she must be pretty young?

How old OP? I know you said teenager, but 13/14 or 17/18... Big difference i think

Yes I would pay her!

Adult family member (aunt) I wouldnt expect to pay.
Teenage family member (cousin) I would offer to pay as teenagers dont usually have much money and it would be a nice gesture.