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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unreasonable to charge family for one off babysitting

287 replies

Partytrain · 26/11/2019 18:52

My sister and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things so wanted opinions on this. We've just moved house and my niece (sister's daughter) has been talking about sleepover at ours with our two young DC. DH & I have been invited out and I asked sister if niece wants to babysit our DC (basically watch a film until we get back) and sleep over that night. Sister said yes but asked how much she will be paid! As she is family I was never intending on paying her as I certainly wouldn't be charging. I said well I'll be giving her dinner and she'll be sleeping over and can join us next day at christmas fair. Just received message asking if I'll also be paying her bus fair. I think it's about £3 and my sister earns about 5 times more than I do! This isnt about paying money, more about the constant focus on money and tone from sister like she'll be doing me massive favour (lots of other recent things). I thought it would be fun for cousins but the questions about money make me uncomfortable. Aibu? Wwyd?

OP posts:
TARSCOUT · 26/11/2019 20:40

Pay her

PlumsGalore · 26/11/2019 20:43

I agree you should pay her. I cannot imagine my DC, the oldest of their cousins, wanting to sit in another house, being responsible for their cousins, and not getting any reward.

They may as well stay home and have a friend over.

Yabu and presumptuous thinking that they would see this free child minding as a treat.

Dishwashersaurous · 26/11/2019 20:43

To add to the consensus. If it were your sister then of course not. Teenager - yep pay her

FrivolousPancake · 26/11/2019 20:44

Eek I can’t bwl you’d consider not paying her!

Elvesdontdomagic · 26/11/2019 20:45

Another in the minority! My teenage DD babysits her younger sibs at least once a week sometimes twice and I never pay her as we're family. I have an older niece who's 21yo and isn't in my area but there's no way she'd accept money to babysit her cousins, it's not really normal to do that in my family.

On the other hand my DD has money whenever she needs it and I'd give my nieces and nephews money if they asked without question. Just not as a transaction like a job as we're family.

honeyrider · 26/11/2019 20:45

OP you're coming across as very mean and tight-fisted. Your posts are just more of the same trying to justify your meanness. Quibbling over a £3 bus fare beggars belief.

It certainly looks like your sister knows how mean you are and doesn't want her daughter taken advantage of so she's left to ask about money. If you don't want to pay then get one of your friends who will do it for free.

mummymayhem18 · 26/11/2019 20:45

You should definitely pay her something,like £10. You are being tight!

selfhelpneeded · 26/11/2019 20:47

Of course you should pay her! £15-£20 seems fair. Not sure I'd ask her to get the bus either tbh.

wotsittoyou · 26/11/2019 20:48

YABU.

For a teen, getting paid for babysitting can be a great self-esteem booster. For many of them, it's their first 'job' - suggesting competence, reliability and maturity. It isn't really about the money, per se. If her friends babysit and get paid (which is highly likely), she'll probably wonder why she's less valued - why her babysitting 'job' isn't a real job.

While most people think it's unreasonable for adult family members to charge for caring for children within the family, it's completely different when it comes to children looking after children.

It sounds like your sister has sensed that her daughter might be hurt and is trying to push you in the right direction. If you were closer, she'd probably have been straighter. It must be difficult to tip-toe around it. She can't win either way here.

wotsittoyou · 26/11/2019 20:50

And FWIW, you do sound extremely stingy.

Jboure · 26/11/2019 20:51

Pay her .

NoSquirrels · 26/11/2019 20:52

DH & I have been invited out and I asked sister if niece wants to babysit our DC (basically watch a film until we get back) and sleep over that night. Sister said yes but asked how much she will be paid!

You asked your niece to babysit.
She expects to be paid (reasonably).

While you are out of the house you are not hosting her. So pay her to take on your childcare responsibilities.

When you are back in the house you are hosting her for a sleepover.

I’m a little astounded that you think your invite for a sleepover is payment enough.

If you’d rather save £10 and piss off your sister and your niece, ask your mates to babysit free of charge and invite your niece a different night.

GnomeDePlume · 26/11/2019 20:53

I think the problem is that you are seeing this babysitting as an extension of something being done by your sister rather than a job being done by your niece.

Mammatino · 26/11/2019 20:53

Yes you should pay her. I would pay my niece but not my sister in law, I would leave sil a nice box of chocs and a lovely food.
Maybe your sister had to bring up money because you have form for taking advantage.

EarringsandLipstick · 26/11/2019 20:56

Absolutely you should pay her - because she'll be thrilled & feel grown up & it's a nice thing to do for a niece.

But I can't believe your sister asked you what you'd be paying 😳😳 that's so rude and well, unsisterly! (And I suspect that's at the root of your annoyance & I don't blame you)

But what age is DN as PP have asked? I'd be really reluctant to leave children with anyone younger than 16 for any length, regardless of the fact it's only watching a movie together

saraclara · 26/11/2019 20:57

Yep. Give her some money to spend at the Fayre. What you think of your sister has nothing to do with the niece.

jelly79 · 26/11/2019 20:58

If this was me I would be leaving treats for them and paying something to the teen

RhiWrites · 26/11/2019 20:58

Yes, you should pay her. £8.21 an hour would be the minimum wage. You wouldn’t get an adult babysitter as cheaply and despite it being fun for her to spend time with your children she is still providing a service.

Ellisandra · 26/11/2019 21:06

@EarringsandLipstick is it really so rude? The sister was right to think OP was trying to get away without paying anything. OP is in a very small minority here thinking that’s OK.

A “how much are you thinking of paying her?” is a polite conversational way to broach it when you think your sister is pulling a fast one!

Rude would be “you’d better not think this is for free, you exploitative CF!” Grin

The sister was right to ask. Even after that, when OP replied she was only giving her dinner and taking her with them to a Xmas Fair, the OP still didn’t want to pay her niece’s £3 bus fare Confused

It’s one thing to think families do favours so no money due for babysitting - but to leave a teenager out of pocket for it?!!

There a thread on here a while back about a teenage boy only getting £10 (?) for a long evening of babysitting, and his mum was posting IIRC about whether she should involved. I think most people thought that it was too low, but after the fact the best thing was to take it as a lesson learned. Sounds like OP’s sister was just trying to avoid a similar unfair situation!

Difficultcustomer · 26/11/2019 21:08

Once your DC are old enough to not need a babysitter a night staying over with you absent for any part is a sleepover. Until then it is at babysitting and should be paid as such.

If you would need someone else to watch your DC it is babysitting. For a teenage relative or not should be paid.

GeePipe · 26/11/2019 21:19

Going against the grain here but no way should you have to pay her. Your dsis sounds grabby and money mad. Families should help each other out its what families should do. I babysit my neices and nephews for free all the time and shock horror i actually am the one who spends my money on them when i have them. I couldnt imagine asking for payment for a random one off babysitting night where she gets her dinner made chance to watch tv and sleep.

Morgan12 · 26/11/2019 21:26

I would be annoyed at my sister asking but I would have been planning to pay my niece something anyway.

I think your sister is a CF.

AdriannaP · 26/11/2019 21:31

Of course you should pay her - she is watching your children! Don’t be so stingy or stay at home.

Dandelion753 · 26/11/2019 21:35

I think it’s tragic to to take a few quid from family, especially for looking after your own extended family! If you don’t want to do he,p out a family member just don’t do it, but taking a few quid is tragic. For me family is about give and take. You help each other out as and when you can - be it financially, or through your time, or your effort, or your skills or knowledge. It should be a respite from the pressurized capitalist system, not an extension of it...just my opinion.

holly40 · 26/11/2019 21:37

We pay a teenage relative £20 to look after 1 DC for 3 hours (or thereabouts). Occasionally. I also get her a pizza and some chocolate treats in. Her mum drops her off at ours and she either stays over and I drive her back the next day or one of her parents come to pick her up, they don't mind and it's not far.