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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's unreasonable to charge family for one off babysitting

287 replies

Partytrain · 26/11/2019 18:52

My sister and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things so wanted opinions on this. We've just moved house and my niece (sister's daughter) has been talking about sleepover at ours with our two young DC. DH & I have been invited out and I asked sister if niece wants to babysit our DC (basically watch a film until we get back) and sleep over that night. Sister said yes but asked how much she will be paid! As she is family I was never intending on paying her as I certainly wouldn't be charging. I said well I'll be giving her dinner and she'll be sleeping over and can join us next day at christmas fair. Just received message asking if I'll also be paying her bus fair. I think it's about £3 and my sister earns about 5 times more than I do! This isnt about paying money, more about the constant focus on money and tone from sister like she'll be doing me massive favour (lots of other recent things). I thought it would be fun for cousins but the questions about money make me uncomfortable. Aibu? Wwyd?

OP posts:
GaaaaarlicBread · 26/11/2019 19:37

YABU. Pay her £10 or something, it's no biggie

Nonnymum · 26/11/2019 19:37

I wouldn't expect grandparents or siblings to charge but I think you should pay a teenage family member. If it was me I would offer to pay her.

Purpleartichoke · 26/11/2019 19:39

I’ve been thinking about asking my teenage niece to babysit and I absolutely would
Pay her market rate.

Adults trading favors is different.

JasonPollack · 26/11/2019 19:41

Hmmn I would probably still offer something in this situation, just because of her age. I would never pay my MIL to have DS but I would always pay my teenager SIL. Not really sure why though, just seems like the done thing.

BigFatLiar · 26/11/2019 19:41

Give her the bus fare or collect her, leave her with some chocolate or other treat for when watching her film, give her some cash. It'll make her feel appreciated and valued (and who doesn't want that) and she'll have extra pocket money to spend at the fare for presents or even on herself.

Doesn't matter if it surprises you that your sister mentioned payment, you should have offered. Doesn't have to be a lot but it'll mean a lot to her.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 · 26/11/2019 19:42

You're being a CF of course you should be paying her shes looking after you're kids and you should give her some pocket money.

goodluckhun · 26/11/2019 19:43

why ask if yabu if you refuse to acknowledge that yes, you are being unreasonable?

You still haven't answered how old she is?

megletthesecond · 26/11/2019 19:44

She's going to be responsible for your dc's. You should pay her.

Aworldofmyown · 26/11/2019 19:46

You should pay her. Pretty mean not to whether she's your niece or not.

sauvignonblancplz · 26/11/2019 19:48

It’s not that ‘some’ of the people are saying to pay her; everyone is telling you to pay her.
Like someone said upthread, why invite her over if you were going out?
She’s a teenager throw her a few quid. You sound stingy and entitled.

SoxiFodoujUmed · 26/11/2019 19:48

unless your niece has kids of her own who you babysit for free, yabu.

parents obviously give free babysitting to one another taking it turns because the favour will be returned. grandparents will often choose to give free babysitting for the joy of looking after their precious grandchildren.

no teen or young adult wants to babysit their cousins for free. they do it for cold hard cash.

Tabitha005 · 26/11/2019 19:49

Whilst the niece sounds as though she really just wants to see her cousins, I think it's probably fair to give her a few quid for turning it from a 'sleepover' to 'babysitting'.

YouFellAsleeep · 26/11/2019 19:51

Not only do you want her to watch your kids for free, you expect her to be out of pocket (bus fare) to do so?!

SleepingSoul · 26/11/2019 19:51

Of course you should pay a teenage babysitter, the fact she's related is neither here nor there. YABU and not sure why you've asked as it sounds pretty clear you still don't think you are.

Mummyshark2018 · 26/11/2019 19:52

Yes you should pay her, even a £10 or offer to buy her something small at the fair.

Rose789 · 26/11/2019 19:53

From 13 I babysat for my little cousins. My aunties would always pay for my bus fare there, pay me £5-£10 and a taxi home or I would stay over.
My parents earnings would never have been taken into account I was the one doing a favour not them.
Recently my cousins daughter (15) babysat my eldest for a few hours when dd2 had a doctors appointment. I picked her up and left a nice lunch for them both, and gave her an Odeon cinema pass for 2 tickets and drove her home again.

Drum2018 · 26/11/2019 19:53

I cannot believe you are still trying to defend not giving her a few quid. So what if she's staying - would you rather have to drive her home after your night out? Her staying benefits you even more - you can both stay out late, have a drink, knowing that your babysitter won't be waiting for you to return so she can get a bus home. If you're so appalled at the idea of paying her then just get your local friend to babysit instead and save yourself £10-15 Hmm

SpiderHunter · 26/11/2019 19:53

Not only do you want her to watch your kids for free, you expect her to be out of pocket (bus fare) to do so?!

To be fair, it seems the OP thinks that the teenager should babysit for free and the teen's parents should be paying the bus fare. So cheeky fuckery on two separate counts.

daisypond · 26/11/2019 19:54

Absolutely you should pay her.

Pilipilihoho · 26/11/2019 19:54

You clearly don't want to pay her, as you apparently have numerous people you can ask for free. So rearrange the babysitting you want for the sleepover she's asked for, and then it won't cost you Hmm

Frankly a bit odd to offer to host someone, expect them to babysit and think somehow you are doing them a favour. Most people would consider that what you are suggesting as a treat for your niece to be "using" someone, to be frank.

Iamallatsea · 26/11/2019 19:54

God OP you sound incredibly tight.
Out of all the nights she could come over for a sleepover you choose a night when you are going out, so that she can look after your children for you. Wouldn’t you normally give your niece a meal if she was visiting - rather than making it sound like some kind of special treat?
Taking her to a Christmas Fair again isn’t that taking her on a nice family outing rather than “ paying her back” for minding your children.
Were you planning on treating her at the fair, or was the mere act of taking her enough, and you were expecting her to have her own spending money?
If by some miracle you were going to treat her, in spite of your sister having soo much more money than you, say £10’s worth? Then give her the £10 for babysitting and treat her to something worth £5 and then she can decide if she wants to spend the other £10 or save it. Then you got the babysitting service even cheaper! Win for you!
Or just not bother with the whole thing, save yourself a small amount of money, and not have the future benefit of a keen teenage baby sitter willing to look after her cousins for a small fee.

MintyMabel · 26/11/2019 19:55

Of course you pay her. The “it’s family” is fair enough from adults but kids need to earn pocket money and babysitting is a great way for them to do that. It makes no difference that your sister earns more than you.

My nephew used to stay with us in the holidays, we took him loads of places and did loads of stuff with him. We still paid him when he washed the car or cut the grass. It’s what you do. Anything else is miserly.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/11/2019 19:55

I would pay a teenage relative to baby sit

RonaldMcDonald · 26/11/2019 19:56

I’d pay her if I were expecting her to babysit

Either pay or don’t ask her to babysit

theoriginalmadambee · 26/11/2019 19:57

Ahh a CF thread seen from the other side Grin. OP you sound mean, you know thight with money, thight with feelings.

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