How are mothers supposed to go back to work??

[ArtichokeAardvark]

I've just had the dreaded call from nursery to come and collect DS. 'Hello Mrs X, I'm afraid your son is unwell, please could you come and pick him up asap'.

My son is teething. Yes, he's a bit grumpy, but he's teething. Yes, he has a temperature but it's only 38.0 so not exactly an emergency. They admitted themselves he's running around happily with the other children, just being a little bit whingier than normal.

But no, I have to collect him. No they can't even give Teetha homeopathic stuff without a doctor's prescription. And please could I keep him home for 24 hours after his temp goes back to normal.

I am slammed at work. I'm the only person in my department this week and I'm desperately trying to tie up everything this month before I go on mat leave. I would drop everything if my son was genuinely unwell, but for god's sake he's TEETHING.

How the hell are mothers meant to be able to go back to work? This happens with depressingly regularity and my employer is luckily understanding but their patience is beginning to wear thin...

Surely it's something considered before actually having a child?

Flexible employers are great, but not all employers can offer such flexibility for a whole host of reasons.

It's not always possible to share things 50:50. If one of you earns drastically more or has a less flexible role it makes sense for one party to pick up the majority of it.

I will say that the first 6 months of nursery were relentless for sickness but so far this year, its been a lot better

38 degrees and above it says it’s pretty much going to be illness related.

Nobody should be ignoring a temperature when their child is teething, like op has done.
Alert parenting is important, especially in young children when they can go from ok to really not ok very quickly.

You have to see it from the other side.
How would you react if your baby was rushed to hospital with a severe infection, the reason being that the nursery had spent a full day dismissing a low grade fever as ‘teething’?
Sudden very high fevers can be typical of lots of childhood illnesses, but often the lower ones can point to other things, uti’s etc, where the little one can go downhill rapidly (and scarily).
It’s really tough to be a working mum of tiny tots, especially in the UK where costs are so high and sessions often poorly synced timewise with the working day.

I’m on a bloody disciplinary for taking 3 days off in 6 months for my Dd

Outrageous.

Everyone saying where's the dad- when me and my DH have children I'll be the one doing the sick call pick ups as he's self employed an earns significantly more than me where as I can leave work and still get paid

I agree with @Footballmumto3 , it is awkward and difficult but safeguarding comes first and nurseries can't keep ill children.

Also if you are shit hot good at your job it helps. My employer is super flexible because they appreciate what I do and know I’m worth it. They trust me and I don’t take the piss.

When this was me the option to call. Dh wasn't overly possible.
Where he works there's only 2 in at a time.. Health and safety rules mean no lone working..
So if he got called out. A. He'd lose more in a day than I earned a week.
B. They'd have to close. Causing a detrimental effect on the business.
C after a while they'd prob sack him he loves his job and good money

My ex employer was pretty understanding however I hated the job and tbh even if they didn't like. Me going home it was one of those things I wouldn't lose sleep over.

As it was I quit for MH reasons relating to the job mainly so don't have that issue

YANBU.

My DH recently started a new job so hasn’t been able to look after DD when she’s been sick as he’s still on a probation period.

I’m recently back off maternity and had plenty of leave left and a good boss so I’ve been able to use my annual leave but I can’t continue taking time off the rate I have been and DD has been picking up everything...

Get a childminder!
They are more flexible than nurseries.
I cracked when my toddler caught hand foot and mouth from nursery and they excluded him for a week.
He caught it from the wretched nursery.
Found a lovely reasonable childminder and the disease lessened substantially.

This would really hack me off. The nursery that is. Can't believe all the posters asking if your Dh is available. Neither of you should need to pick your child up! It's only teething!

My nursery wouldn’t call for teething or really anything other than rash or d&v if the child was otherwise well in themselves. They don’t exclude for HFM if the child is well in themselves. HFM is a proper bastard though. And impetigo can fuck off too

I’m on mat leave and I’m glad I have been this year as child no.1 has had two sickness bugs and child no.2 has had a hospital stay. Work would have been a nightmare. I’m going to make sure they both have the chicken pox jab before I go back as with the eldest starting school and all the buggering about with 1/2 days, we’re already going to be struggling with annual leave.

1. chose a childminder who uses common sense.

1. have a dh who WFH 2-3 days a week and can flex work around looking after lo and make up the time.

1. have a flexible understanding employer

I sympathize with you. It must be hell. I stay home because we can't afford the cost of nurseries and luckily oh earns enough. I don't like the way the government has made it so families cant live off one wage. I mean don't get me wrong women like working. Sometimes we need to work, sometimes we want too.

That said children need their parents. Especially when they are teething, hot and full of cold. Coughing all over and stomach bugs. The nursery were correct asking you to collect your son. Because the constant cycle of germs and illness is a nightmare. My son ended up in hospital because his sister caught so much from her nursery and brought it home. I can't imagine the staff like it when they know they will be sick themselves in a few days because Mrs Smith had to work and sent her child in with a temp. It's not their job to care for people's children who are ill. Temperatures are risky in babies. They need rest, fluids, Calpol and their mums. Why should they be stuck in a rowdy loud nursery in tears. They are babies and need comfort at home. That said again it's not your fault. It's the systems fault. Parents have to work and kids have to come second when really they should be coming first. It's pretty sad how things are these days!

I think people of childbearing age are expected to work something out for themselves. Sorry!

What a weird comment.

Do you mean parents? Plenty of people of 'child bearing' age don't have children.

@ballsdeep no I don’t have a union. It was only issued yesterday and I’m not really sure where to go from here. It’s a big company who are in the top 10 employers but apparently don’t understand that sometimes we need time off.

Kate foster are you sure you'll still get paid??? Normally unpaid leave or holidays need to be used.

It's always the men that have the inflexible jobs isn't it. Whenever I've managed women it's them who go and get their kids in situations like this. Weird huh. It's almost as if the women say to work they have to do it, so they do. Why aren't their partners doing the same?

@Anychance123

Have they said what they expect you to do in your situation?

It is not always possible to split this role 50:50 due to working arrangements, other person being uncontactable during the day if their role means they are often away from the office, in meetings, teaching in a classroom etc. so I don't think it is that unusual for sick days to be covered in the majority by one parent. It does generally get better though once they are above nursery and reception age.

@momoney1 I’m a man, I have a flexible part time job so it’s easier to raise my son.

It all depends who earns the most, who has the most flexible employer & who is closest sometimes. My DP works 2.5 hours away from our nursery as he works in a city centre. So it has to be me! My employer will allow me to use Lieu time so let’s not rip the Op to shreads & suggest she leaves her DH because he may be unable to collect DS from nursery when he’s unwell