MIL....bloody MIL

[Whyyyyytho]

I am in the very early stages of pregnancy. I had to tell her about this because we were out together and I was taken ill. I asked her to please, please not tell anyone, including his siblings as his sister is rather unpleasant and has caused some problems in the past with nastiness.

Obviously she has now told the sister and does not think she has done anything wrong/can’t see the issue/won’t apologise. Despite having said she wouldn’t tell her, her answer is “we are a family and I don’t want to keep secrets”.

I’m only 8 weeks ffs I don’t want anyone to know. Why has she done this?! AIBU to just never tell her anything ever again or update her re the pregnancy. I’m so irritated.

- I had a high-risk pregnancy for various reasons so needed lots of appointments and therefore time off so I had to let my boss know really early on.

I had similar although I don't know if she told them I was pregnant but when I returned to work after a hideous MC at 12 weeks, everyone knew what had happened.

@moominmammy and @stcharlotte 😱😱😱😱

@moominmammy

Did your mother apologise?!

To be frank I would tell MIL if she can’t be trusted to respect my wishes on such a sensitive issue then she won’t be trusted to see/look after the baby.

@Cocobean30 To be frank I would tell MIL if she can’t be trusted to respect my wishes on such a sensitive issue then she won’t be trusted to see/look after the baby.

You cannot do that! Deprive a child of its relationship with their grandmother just to 'punish' her for telling a secret?????? Good lord

It's like infant school 🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh Whyyy, I saw you said this: "She is inexplicably friends with DH’s ex from 10 years ago and decided to tell her about the pregnancy and rile her up. Cue extremely unpleasant messages being received blah blah blah. Very childish, very tedious."
......
I just didn't think that was the reason, sorry. It's obviously a lot more of a tender subject than I thought.

I honestly can't imagine exchanging texts with my mother in law about things like this, I'd just say I was disappointed she told anyone and leave it at that - making a mental note not to tell her anything again if I wanted it kept quiet.

When I was only just pregnant I told the world and his wife :-), I was so pleased.

Is it just me who never ever gave mil my number??

I wouldn't be telling her anything else about your health at all for the rest of the pregnancy (and while you're pregnant, it's your medical information, nobody else has any 'rights' over it).

Once the baby's born, I'd tell MIL about the arrival after speaking to everyone else that needs to know in person.

Yanbu. Keep quiet in future.
My mil was asked to keep quiet until our 20 week scan (some might say ott, but miscarriage, difficult pregnancy with regards to babies health etc) and she blabbed.

I’m pregnant with our second and she won’t be told until after the 20 week scan.

@Bluerussian

Maybe I haven’t explained the situation fully because it’s unpleasant to me and in the past, but at least nosauce seemed to understand how bad it was. Trust me, it was.

I would never, ever text MIL so rudely but I’ve just had enough. I have done nothing but bend over backwards to enable a relationship for MIL and DS (and DH really). She has been pretty awful in the past (missing our wedding, emailing photos of me to family members saying “look at what DH is marrying, we need to prevent it”) but we moved on from it because when our son was born we felt magnanimous and that it was the right thing to do. She obviously has serious issues. And the last year or so she has behaved marvellously and it’s baffling, like none of the horrendous stuff ever happened.

That’s why, with the background; I thought maybe I might have been overly sensitive and unreasonable but I see from the answers on here I am not, and it really makes me rethink having given her this second chance in the first place.

Shesalittlemadam IMO, the kind of person who plans a secret when it suits her, is the kind of person who will not listen to the wishes of the parents when it comes to looking after the child.

This MIL has form, I wouldn't trust her with the baby, certainly not straight away.

Plans? Blabs I meant.

What was DH’s response to the ‘Gosh’, OP?

I have done nothing but bend over backwards to enable a relationship for MIL and DS (and DH really).

I would stop bothering!

FFS DH has just had a 40 minute conversation with her (after receiving a message this morning asking if she should return his birthday presents) saying we want to move on but she needs to acknowledge wrongdoing or apologise or SOMETHING so we know she understands why we are upset. Otherwise 0 fucking point in having a relationship with her as can’t trust her with a thing and don’t want to discuss pregnancy with her.

She just went on and on and on for 40 mins that it’s good news and nothing wrong with sharing and she doesn’t see what the problem is.

I could
Scream.

Why do people make it so hard? Why not just accept she shouldn’t have bloody said anything as it’s not her news.

Pretty shocked at the messages about returning his birthday gifts (and our son’s Christmas gift too).

Who does that?!

I'd cut her out as much as possible tbh.

For me yes, she could return the presents as who would want anything from her if she could even ask that?

What a nasty woman she is.

"Look at what he's marrying"-and you both continued to see her after that??!!

@diddl

We didn’t see her for 18 months but when DS was born she got in touch and I felt like we should let her meet him
Blah blah blah

Now I feel like an idiot

And yes we don’t want the bloody presents it’s more that it’s such a nasty suggestion

It's strange how people think/hope that a GC will change things, isn't it?

I guess there's no harm in trying, I suppose once sucked back in again it's hard to stop hoping & re-extricate.

Well, you tried & you can say that-now to start protecting yourselves from her!

You'd be better off not having anything to do with her. This is more than 'just' not respecting a confidence - she sounds batshit. Do your stress levels a favour and back away.

@aderyn

Yes I think she probably is quite batshit

emailing photos of me to family members saying “look at what DH is marrying, we need to prevent it”

Gobsmacked by the nastiness in her email. Please try not to give her another thought, this is absolutely not "oh MIL" behaviour, it's vicious.

Seriously, just go about your day and do something lovely for yourself. She can piss off.

I tell my MIL nothing I don't want anyone else knowing. She's not malicious in any way, just can't keep secrets/her mouth shut. Even if I ask her to come to an event my kids are in, she'll 'ask' her daughter about it first! I have up with my DH's side of the family loooooooong ago!

The thing is the photos she sent of me in the email are just inexplicable. Like no one understood what the issue she had with them/me was.

She sounds hideous. And if she can’t respect you then I wouldn’t want her building up a relationship with my child where she could influence them or say nasty things about me (not just MILs but applies equally to parents and other family members)