To ask when you really felt you loved your child(ren)

[Monkeynuts18]

I’d read a lot before birth about the ‘overwhelming rush of love’ you get when you meet your baby. But after a labour that ended in very traumatic tearing - I felt nothing. In fact, quite the opposite - I felt an overwhelming rush of anxiety and wanted to run away (but I couldn’t walk, let alone run, so that wasn’t an option). I felt so unhappy and ashamed - like I was a monster who didn’t love her child.

It started to change - gradually - at about the 8 week mark then somewhere around 12 weeks old I looked at him and thought ‘oh my god, I love you sooo much!’

I happened to mention this to a friend who’d had an emergency section in very scary circumstances. She said she’d felt exactly the same - she’d been in shock from the birth and pretended to love her son for the first few weeks when in fact she wanted to run away from him. He was about 6 weeks old before she started to feel something for him. He’s 7 months now and she adores him.

I just wondered if anyone else had had a similar experience? Did you get the fabled ‘overwhelming rush of love’ the moment you met your baby? Or did it take a while to develop?

12 weeks for me

DD a week, DS a few months. he was extremely high needs.

Wouldn't describe it as overwhelming or a rush of love but it certainly was there straight away.

With my first I never felt that 'rush of love', but I think that's because everything I should have felt was clouded with a mix of extreme sleep deprivation and extreme post natal anxiety (the latter lasted at least 2-3 months).

I was permanently in so much fear he would choke on his spit up or come to harm in any number of irrational and unlikely ways that I couldn't enjoy anything about him at all. I refused to sleep when he slept, for the first few months my DH had him in the evening while I slept about 4hrs max then I'd get up and hold him th entire night incase he choked (bad experience the day I gave birth convinced me it could happen again at any time).

He's 9 months old now and I don't know when the cloud of fear left and the love took over but I love this amazing little man with all my heart now and last night he said 'Mama' the most deliberately and clearly I've ever heard him say it :)

About a year in. I don’t think I had depression, I had an emergency c section but not remotely traumatic. I was bonded with him, there was just not a right lot of joy. He was a baby stuck on the hard setting (reflux, not smily, crap sleep, desperate to be walking from about 6 months I think) and we were in a bit of shock!

I am sticking at one. I know that the second baby might well be different but the thought of doing that again is a lot of nope.

He’s just turned two and I very much enjoy him :)

I think once they're smiling and sleeping better it comes for many. My second was such a shock after having such a peaceful first DC.

Same as you OP. It wasn't a particularly traumatic birth but I felt nothing for her. Everyone told me about the rush of live and how you'll feel you've always known them. Er no... I thought she looked weird and wondered if she was really mine. And I wanted to turn the clock back and not have her. It probably wasn't until she was about 8 weeks old and started giving back a bit like smiling and babbling that I really loved her. The best advice my midwife gave me is that you don't have to feel like you love them, you just have to want to look after them. Thank you for the post- it's good for people like us to realise that not everyone gets the immediate rush of love. DD is now 8 and I couldn't love her more!