To be worried about village life already?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

I recently moved out of a backwards, inbred, gossipy little village. Hated it. The people there had nothing better to do than indulge in mindless (and often harmful) chat about others. Even those I thought were nice got involved. It's just not my thing - it's like being back in a school playground. I now live in a much larger, more anonymous place and I bloody love it. I am on friendly greeting terms with neighbours and that's it. Perfect.

(I do appreciate there are many villages which aren't full of gossips.)

Reading that back, my post is really not very helpful to you OP. Sorry. My only advice is to ignore, ignore, ignore. Just don't get involved. Smile nicely and go about your day.

A few weeks?! You're massively overthinking things.

I live in a small village, and have lived in others, as well as in Manchester and London. TBH the Manchester suburb I lived in was the worst for gossip!

Obviously @cloudybuns had a bad experience but I've never encountered that kind of thing.

Is the National Park in England, or in Scotland or Wales ? As there are huge cultural variations.
Village life is very gossipy, and that is unavoidable I am afraid. I have known people move back to London as they found village life too gossipy and claustrophobic.

Give it time. Depending on the village, maybe give it a lot of time.

All villages have a distinct character I think. I love mine, but I recognise it might be tricky for outsiders to navigate at first.

Small minded gossipy dickheads exist everywhere. In a small village they just maybe stand out more. Unfortunately you just have to find out the hard way if your village suits you or not.

Hello .... village dweller here .... you are the newbies from the city. People will talk about you until you start to fit in. Please try to integrate with the community, get to know people, get involved in stuff going on around you and talk to people. We country types talk about each other because we live in smaller communities where it is normal to know everyone, not because we are malicious gossips who are out to puck on new comers.

And what were you expecting wearing a non-schoffel gilet!? Or is that just a Cotswold thing...

(Not a schoffel wearer myself - disclaimer)

Village dweller also..

Yes, everyones talking about you. No, no ones formed a solid opinion about you yet.

So get in there, go to the pub... don't like pubs, tough, you do now, GO TO THE PUB.

Say hello, talk to people, get involved, smile, be friendly... and hten go home and start to figure out who is nice, who isn't, who is a total twat, etc etc.

It won't stop folk talking about you, however it will mean they are generally friendly and aren't making up wild crazy fantasies.

You don't actually have to share your entire life story with them, but make the effort and play the game and you'll get the best out of village life.

You really will get out what you put in here.

It's probably just something like 'that's the woman who moved into X house - the one who just passed with the gilet on'.

I much prefer living in villages; people are friendlier and there's lots of stuff going on, such as community fireworks and the village website and FB group. I'm looking forward to the Christmas wreath making in particular in a couple of weeks. People also stop and chat - I know all sorts of people whose names aren't known to me! 😁

Mind you, I live in Scotland where we tend to talk to people at bus stops 😉😁

It's only natural for people to pass a remark about someone. We all do it. It doesn't mean they're obsessed with you. Walk around, smile and say hello and that's it. Don't get I volved.

I’m afraid we’re leaving after moving out of London to a village seven years ago — we’re both friendly, socially-confident people who’ve never struggled with friendships, and we did everything ‘right’, volunteered, went litter picking, went to village events, got involved in things, I was on maternity leave when we came, went to every baby group, now have a child at school in the village — and it just didn’t work socially. I’m an utterly ordinary person by London standards, but by the standards of this village I’m way out.

Even if people do gossip, who cares? You don't have to be involved!

or you can just join the village life.

We moved from London to a rural village (in the south), we love it, it’s so friendly. Yes people probably gossip but I don’t care, what other people think about me is none of my business. Like anywhere, our village has some lovely people as well as some twatty types but generally we find it a v supportive community spirited place. We are so happy to leave cold old London behind.

Make yourself known. If you have a pet and you see someone walking a dog, strike up a conversation. "What a lovely dog. I'm Bumpkin. We just moved here. Do you have a vet that you would recommend?" Most people love to give advice. Let them, and they will like you.

I currently live in a village and can't wait to leave. It is too insular for me and I don't like the gossip. I had to play the game whilst my kids were younger but luckily I don't now. It feels like a constant compromise to me and I find many of the people small minded, boring and bitchy.

Thanks for your replies. I will try and be positive and do my best. I expect most of the village are nice enough, but I have met one or two influential people who seem a bit passive aggressive.

Do people really care that much?

In London, you dont even know your neighbours (Normal way of life)

Who cares what the people in your village think of you

I have lived in a village, lived in a town and lived in London in my life. I hated London - far to crowded and anonymous.

I miss my village. Yes you are being talked about because you're new. But its like starting anywhere new - try to make a good impression. Talk to people in the pub, talk to people in the village shop. Knock on your neighbours door and say hello.

I love village life - as our children do. They’re all city dwellers at moment but intend settling into villages later on in their lives.
There can be gossip but my experience is that it’s rarely malicious - more ‘ Have you seen Fred in the past couple of days’ to keep an eye on the elderly or ‘Whose bought Village Cottage?’ So newcomers can be included.
I think people take as they find. Friendliness is greeted with friendliness. Locally there is lots of social activities because we don’t have any options but to organise our own. A village wine tasting is much more fun than a night in a bar.
Our children grew up with friendships akin to cousins. No secrets at all but enduring support and acceptance of all.
We look after the school other. We ensure the elderly are fed, warm and included when appropriate. We all know each other’s children and can support or rein in, as necessary.

@CherryPavlova That sounds lovely.

I see your point @OctoberLovers, but if certain influential gossips turn against us - even for no reason - it could make life uncomfortable.

Do pardon us inbred village folk we dont know any better

I live in a village... Everyone knows everyone apart from us...

We dont partake in anything
Im from London... So have that dont care London attitude (rightly or wrongly)
And Partner doesnt like people much 😂