To be worried about village life already?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

This is meant in terms of someone from my family being buried there not shagging someone up against a gravestone!

There may be an element of that, although I knew it wouldn't be perfect.

We moved out of London 15 years ago to a lovely rural area. You are the newcomer so people will talk about you! Plaster on a smile, say hello to people you pass, chat to the local shopkeepers, definitely go to the pub, be prepared to muck in with village life, politely ask advice of where to go for shops, etc, support local wherever you can, getting a dog helps too as everyone will talk to you on if you meet them on your walks but whatever you do ... don't tell them how marvellous living in the city was compared to village life and complain about all the things that you're missing - uber, deliveroo and Waitrose. Life is often slower in the village so be prepared to have a chat in the post office whilst you're standing in the queue.

Dita

@boilingstormyseas 👍

They were probably discussing whether to involve you in the next wicker man, that's all us inbred country bumpkins do in the way of culture.

Honestly, the only townies that haven't been welcome here, or at least not accepted have usually caused it themselves.
-Trespassing
-Complaining about farming/ animals
-Moaning about country life
-Try hards- nobody minds an obvious and honest ex city dweller. But if you turn up with a shiny new wardrobe of what you believe is a country outfit, chat shit while trying to pretend you're knowledgeable about country life and generally try and pretend you're right at home, you'll be viewed as a twat.

• speak to locals as though they've never been to a city
• snobbery. The type of classism that appears to be the accepted norm in towns doesn't go down well. So eg sucking up to the local landowner and acting superior to a farm labourer.
• Shit driving. Unlike in a city you're recognisable. So if you speed through a village, past a horse, blind people with your full beams, crawl along or any of the things people do everywhere, the locals will know it's you.

Shit driving. Unlike in a city you're recognisable. So if you speed through a village, past a horse, blind people with your full beams, crawl along or any of the things people do everywhere, the locals will know it's you.

This is so true. I've lived in this village for 30 years and people wave hello as I drive by and I have NO idea who they are. I presume they are friends/acquaintances of my wife who knows EVERYBODY within at 10 mile radius and they are recognising the vehicle.

My dad is still ‘x’s husband’. He’s lived there for 43 years.

This is a LOCAL shop for LOCAL people! We don’t like strrrrranggggers, here

I think small towns suit some people and don't suit others. I'm from a small town and can think of nothing worse. Gossiping busy bodies, generally nasty about it and spread mean spirited stories that are rarely supported by fact. In fact I've shut my mother down when she started telling me a mean spirited story about a girl I was quite close to in uni. Told her I did not want to hear any gossip full stop. Much prefer living in a capital city and the people I meet here. Other family members however are moving back to the horrid little town. I go home to visit but literally don't leave the house.

We have been in our village for two years and it's great. People stop and talk to you because you are not "local" (I'm only 20 miles from where I was born) but don't really gossip much. Sometimes I comment on a persons dog, pushchair etc. to DH while out but then forget all about it. As PP said, people will only talk about you if you are doing something "wrong" ie putting your bin out on the wrong day. Or if you have a huge 4x4, which in our village wouldn't fit down the narrow roads I would give it a few months before deciding if you really don't like it.

I have met one or two influential people who seem a bit passive aggressive.

Ugh, those types are the worst.

if certain influential gossips turn against us - even for no reason - it could make life uncomfortable.

I think you need to move back. You have such contempt for all these poor backward people in your village that you think they really all take notice of a couple of unpleasant people? I doubt it, they just smile, wave and ignore the same way people deal with twats everywhere. People have brains of their own outside London you know

My inlaws live in a large village (with no shop or pub ... but that's another story). Infact my fil was born there. Dh and I can't keep up with who they have fallen out with/are best friends with from one visit to the next. If someone drives up their road they both stand at the window speculating who it might be, where they might be going. The largest, most expensive house in the village was for sale recently. It was bought by a couple with young children and the husband commutes to London for work. The wife tried to get involved in village life ... needless to say the inlaws and no doubt the rest of the village have already concluded she's "got ideas above her station". Just ghastly.

I had a similar experience to you.
Knew it was a bad fit within weeks, took 7 yrs to move out again.

I've lived in villages for most of my live, as well as London. Don't worry about any gossiping. Some people will like you and welcome you, some won't. A smile and hello is always welcome. Remember gossip isn't always negative, how else how would you know that X has hurt her leg and needs some help, that Y has a skill you can utilise. I now live in a village where many have moved to from London, just do you and don't worry about anyone else.

Small town life. Overheard whilst standing behind someone, aged around 50+ at a guess, being served before me. "Oh yes, I've been to Bristol (nearest large city, about 20 miles away) once but I wouldn't go again, nasty, dirty, crowded place". Used to living in a city, it surprised me. I would find village life difficult.

On the other hand, and in the interests of balance, it can be equally difficult transitioning to London life when you've lived elsewhere....

m.youtube.com/watch?v=PT0ay9u1gg4

She was probably just just saying that she liked your gilet, or that is the new resident in that gilet. Dont worry too much. Maybe if people look at you, just smile and say hello.

if certain influential gossips turn against us - even for no reason - it could make life uncomfortable.

I think you're massively overthinking things. I'm sure they aren't really that interested in your gilet.

So get in there, go to the pub... don't like pubs, tough, you do now, GO TO THE PUB....

....Unless the pub is called The Slaughterd Lamb....

I was having a walk up a hill near my house when I first moved to my village, exploring my new neighbourhood, and walked past maybe 3 or 4 houses. A few minutes in, a man strode down the hill and started taljing to me about wildlife, which I thought was all very pleasant. He then asked where I was from etc and I said I'd just moved down the road. He said he just wanted to make sure, as they'd not seen me up there before. By 'they' I wondered if he meant people in the houses I'd passed... had he been phoned/ sent to investigate? Luckily I found it all very funny, but don't go up that hill. Not many do. People are trying to protect their peaceful homes I suppose...
Good luck. Try and laugh it off if anything is said xxx

I think it can seem rather inane when you are used to London. I moved away to a small market town in the middle of the country and did struggle with the mindset in the beginning.

For example I would buy a bottle of wine at the newsagent and the woman working there would say 'Have you got guests coming' I just thought that was nosey. No need to have visitors to drink some wine!

I expect you will just find people you have something in common with slowly but not necessarily unless you hunt them out.

@HopeIsNotAStrategy, born and grown up in London, had neighbours from practically every country you can think of but I never asked anyone what it was like to come there from a small village in a different country, different language often, to the noise and numbers of people that make up everyday life. It must be a huge culture shock.

Do pardon us inbred village folk we dont know any better hmm

Just what I was thinking! You make it sound like us ‘villagers’ are a different breed of person. We’re just people. FWIW i grew up in a village, moved to London then Bristol, then Madrid, Milan and Paris. Now back living in the village I grew up in. People are people wherever you are. Some nice, some not so nice.