To be worried about village life already?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

A lot of people take issue with people from London. I have found this time and time again.

I agree about the driving. I drive fairly fast but safely. I was pulling up on my drive after having moved up here only a few months and the neighbour said 'You'll never change'. Which I thought was a bit uncalled for.

He was a chatty type though and I don't think he meant any ill.

I hated village life. Expect people to be very resentful that you have moved from London to a National Park, there's a major housing crisis where locals are being priced out by londoners

Grew up in a small village but moved away straight after school. Lived in cities since.

In my experience you have two options:

1. Adapt, start to settle in become like them
2. Accept you're the odd one out and own it.

If you're lucky, there is Option 3, which is to keep to yourself but in many villages, social life cannot be avoided

Importantly, get over your fear of gossip. One day the gossipers will hate you, one day they'll love you. Accept it for the superficial stuff that it is and beandip your way through it. It really doesn't mean anything and everyone accepts it for mindless chatter.

Oh and be prepared for the village witch to attack you with her 'concern', i.e. personal insults ("oh you're expecting!!! When are you due?!" after a big lunch) or fake concern ("Oh dear, issue with the chimney? Your poor wee city person!")

Remember, it is not so much "city people" vs "village people" but the way in which each micro-society is composed varies in age and interest. It is perfectly possible to find "your" people out in the countryside.

Boolclubs can be a good way start, if you can find one

It’s funny, the people in the village I live in have jobs, hobbies, social lives... they’re busy like everyone else. They don’t have the time or inclination to stand around gossiping about how much wine someone drinks or how fast they drive.

Polly, the comment about the wine wasn't 'inane', it was friendly - probably an early gambit in getting to know you. Likewise your neighbour probably thought he was being witty.

FWIW, when I moved here, I was 'that lady with all them littl'uns'.

You get out what you put in.

We've just moved into a small village but living in it yet whilst the works are being done.

First morning on getting the keys, popped into the shop and mentioned we'd just bought xx house 'oh your xxx and yyy from xplace and have 4 kids'

2nd time up there, windows were being fitted, popped in again and they told me how the progress was going!

I grew up in a village so doesn't bother me, my DH thinks it's bizarre. We ventured to the pub, had a few drinks etc and I told them we were setting up a swinging campsite next year. 4 60+ men choking was whisky was impressive. 😂

How long have you lived there that you know who are the influencers?

who ran the class thats typing too quickly

Village life suits some people and not others, but don't be surprised if people chat about newcomers. The women were probably saying "who's that lady over there in the purple gilet?" "Oh that's the woman who's just moved into Wisteria Cottage". New people get noticed in a village, doesn't mean there's a conspiracy against you.
Best thing to do is to smile and introduce yourself. You won't like everybody and they won't all like you, but you need to be open minded to friendships with different kinds of people. I recommend you get a dog. A great way to meet people.
Country / village life IS different from London life. I wish more people would understand the reality of it before moving out of the big city to the "pretty" countryside.
All the best OP.There is going to be a period of adjustment.In the end it might not be for you, but give your village a chance.

I think you have to consider that you have moved from London to a much different type of community. Having lived in both I know that in London you don't speak to anyone and are thought of as odd if you start up a conversation at the bus stop. In villages that's the norm. People speak to you, about you and get to know everyone in the area. That's what they do. It's part of village life and have to rethink how imteract with people to be able to fit in.

I moved to a village 15 years ago after growing up in London. It’s very different in a lot of ways. I never felt I really settled until I started working at the local nursery. Now I know half the children in the primary school and their parents and I say hello to people all the time. I recognise more by sight. Sometimes it’s a little unnerving how many people I do know lol. The village Facebook group is the main gossip place now and I have to remember how many people know me and my workplace if any debates are going on!

I am more suited to rural living but hate the gossiping in smaller villages. In my experience you are better off keeping yourself to yourself. If you try to get involved you are trying to take over. If you stand back you are weird and don't get me started on FB page. We got bad mouthed about state of our garden, my DH was ill at the time and quite frankly I had other things to deal with. Really left a bad taste in my mouth. Now I just get on and ignore.

I imagine half the people complaining about village life here don't live in a village at all.

OP, if it's not for you, move house, but please stop this backwards stereotyping that everyone who lives in a village is a tyrannical gossip with nothing better to do after picking up their copy of Heat Magazine from the village shop. Village life is fantastic and I genuinely wouldn't trade it for anything. It helps to live rurally if you grew up somewhere quiet too, but going from a city centre to a village is always going to be a shock.

Sidenote I promise your North Face gillet is not important enough to gossip about!

The issue with village life can also be about snobbery

Even when you have got down the pub, joined the email group for the village and taken part in the community...people may look down on others even once they have got to know them and the usual newbie tests have been passed.

Village life for my sibling and family ended after they were sick of being asked to park the van for work (with a logo of the trade on the side) far enough down the drive it wouldn't be obvious to people who visited the village often that a tradesman actually lived in the village.

Presumably if a tradesman could afford a house there it devalued it.

I hope you have a different village experience!

No need to get involved. I've lived in a village for 22 years. I keep my distance - that's just how I am - I'd keep my distance if I lived in a city centre too. I havn't the foggiest ideas about any village cliques, gossip groups, etc and don't really care. When I walk around the village, I'll smile at people if they smile at me, I'll say hello if they say hello, but that's it. I'm not looking for a load of new besties. Neighbours are all perfectly normal - again, I keep my distance, just pleasantries over the garden fence. When these "villager" posts come up, I think it's more about the newcomer who perhaps has unrealistic expectations. Of course, there are opportunities for me to throw myself into village activities, there are all kinds of groups connected with the pre-school, school, gardening society, churches, wildlife group, yoga/pilates etc in the village hall - but it's my decision not to partake, nothing to do with the other people. I do think the OP is over-thinking this and perhaps has unrealistic expectations.

I moved from London to a village. Bloody love it here. Yes, people gossiped. As in “X’s place has been bought by a family.” (I know because they all told me they’d been talking about it!)
We’ve been here nine years. I wouldn’t move back now if you paid me. I can still get to the cinema, and we have a decent choice of food shops. Clothes shops - definitely more of a drive but as I hate clothes shopping and always have, that doesn’t bother me at all.
People are really friendly and my kids are growing up in a great community - loads of elderly people who are by and large very indulgent and enjoy having the kids at events.
I spent loads of my teen years hanging around on Oxford Street trying on clothes I was never going to buy and eating McDonalds. My kids hang out on the beach, surfing. I know what I want for them and it’s not city life.
Each to their own. But I really don’t recognise some of the descriptions of village life I am reading here. I think the person who said “Don’t drive like a twat” has it about right.
There isn’t much anonymity. So if you behave like a twat then people will talk about it. As I don’t tend to feel the need to be a twat, I am polite to neighbours, I help out where I can because why wouldn’t you, I have no problems.

We live in a fab village people are very nice, we have been here a while don’t care about gossip. As said above, we go to the very nice pub often and relations come and have Sunday lunch with us there. The local shop is great and we try to go there every day to buy stuff.

We used to live on Jersey, now totally dominated by the finance industry, overpopulated and more huge cars than London, now there was a place people gossiped nastily about everyone!

‘Fred, that is The Gilet I told you about that I want for Christmas’.

I was brought up in Greater London and our road was like a village. It was very comforting as I knew everyone and they knew me. London like anywhere else, even villages can be very friendly. Luck of the draw.

Depends on the National Park but certainly in the Lakes it feels like there are now more incomers than 'locals' anyway so you you won't be out of place.

It's highly likely that it was a 'that's such and such who has moved into The Old Smithy over there in the gilet' type comment.

That's village life. Villages aren't anonymous, that's the trade off for the low crime rates.

Unfortunately living in a village does mean you get gossips where everyone seems to be invested in everyone else’s business but most of all there is an outdated hierarchy mentality which I came all too aware of when my son attended the local infant school - socioeconomic status really stands out The flip side is that if somebody really needs help the community steps up.

Village life for my sibling and family ended after they were sick of being asked to park the van for work (with a logo of the trade on the side) far enough down the drive it wouldn't be obvious to people who visited the village often that a tradesman actually lived in the village.

That kind of nonsense isn't restricted to villages. I know somebody whose DH owns a pie company and lives on an established big house estate in an affluent home counties town. They got asked if they wouldn't mind parking pie vans outside their house overnight

if they wouldn't mind not parking pie vans...

Best get back to London ASAP OP

I grew up in a very rural Norfolk village and only moved away for work. I would move back in a heart beat if I could. The only downside (apart from lack of public transport) was not being able to do anything a bit naughty without everyone finding out, but you get used to that!