To be worried about village life already?

[AdoptedBumpkin]

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle.

We moved as a family from Greater London to a medium sized village in a national park a few weeks ago. While I enjoy some aspects of rural life, I am beginning to worry about some of the villagers. They seem to gossip a lot about each other and it seems probable that that they must gossip about us, if only because not much else is going on.

Yesterday I was walking through the village with my daughter and passed a local old-ish couple. I heard the lady say something about 'the gilet' and I was wearing my purple North face gilet. It may have been positive and/or throwaway, but it spooked me that something so mundane would be commented on. I am used to a life where you really have to try hard to stand out.

That kind of nonsense isn't restricted to villages.
Totally. We rented a flat in Weybridge for work. We were only there weekdays. 2 of us - varying personnel depending on the project at the time. I got an email from the letting agents asking me to “tell my wife to stop hanging up washing in the windows” twats.

Yes villagers are gossipy but in a good way. Everyone knows everyone else's business but they are also there to step in if things go badly. Gossip is one thing deliberate bitchiness and trouble making is another.

1) Adapt, start to settle in become like them

"To defeat the villager you must become the villager."

Is it village bashing week on MN at the moment? Perhaps we need a schedule - week 1, SAHMs, week 2, villages, week 3, benefits, week 4, parent and child spaces, week 5, pushchair spaces on buses...

I very much doubt your gilet is a source of gossip, op, unless there’s something about it you aren’t telling us. Did you wrest it bodily from a protesting villager the day before, or is it emblazoned with party political slogans or obscenities?

Chill out. You’re newly moved in, of course people might mention that to others they know. So you met a couple of patronising types - you get those everywhere you know. And while they may like to consider themselves some sort of village leaders, they may very well be viewed as those boring pompous buggers from up the lane. Give it a chance before you dismiss everyone as web-toed wicker man enthusiasts!

There are trade offs.

My parents live in the Lakes, and they can name every single person who lives in a five mile radius of their home. Those people have, for the large part, known me since I was born. I could and have knocked on their doors for help. When my secondary school did something fairly unfair to me, without my knowledge, the parish council wrote a letter to the school expressing their concern and disappointment.

Everyone mucks in, and there have been some truly brilliant community events.

The downside - my parents have new neighbours for the first time in 30 years. The comment they pass on the new people is ridiculous (mostly on their building work - house desperately needed it, and the longstanding neighbour up the road is doing almost exactly the same).

"Oh thats the lady that has moved into Primrose Cottage"
"Who?"
"There, in the purple gilet"

I hope you said hello!

Well, it makes a change from London-bashing, @Spudlet.

I grew up in London and always knew my neighbours! Same with the other two cities I've lived in as well. I now live in a village in a NP, and don't know the neighbours well, although we haven't been here long so that will change. We've been friendly to everyone we meet, and haven't ever felt unwelcome.

I have lived in a variety of places and find that most people just want to get along. Pass the time of day with them, be a considerate neighbour.... that's all they want.

I am a wicker man enthusiast though..... great film!

We’re in a National Park and few ‘locals’ most have moved here as they have become wealthier.

Oddly, we don’t gossip all day and sometimes venture out into the big world. Sometimes we do go on trains to the city and do strange things like work. We help clever big city people by being consultants, venture capitalists, film producers, headteachers, GPs, composers, publishers, public sector CEOs, senior military officers, investment bankers, barristers and judges. There are a few farmers and farm workers but they are the minority.

We do odd things sometimes like skiing, going to the theatre, eating in restaurants with linen napkins, visiting galleries and museums, flying to hot places or having city breaks. We balance that with square dances, nativities, Safari suppers, bookclubs, a tennis league, yoga, choir, a vintage car club, a new year ball, picnics and wine tasting.

We’re a collector tiny villages, so impossible to keep yourself to yourself but no compulsion to join activities. We do ask strangers asked if they’re lost or need to use a landline, perhaps. People are noticed and we are mindful that there are a fair few, very elderly, people who immoral criminals could prey living hereabouts, so we do check out who people hanging around.

Yes villagers are gossipy but in a good way

Correction. Some villagers are gossipy. Some (like me, and most of my friends) couldn’t give a shit what other people are doing because we’ve got our own busy lives to lead.

@Hingeandbracket, how very Weybridge

I grew up in a big city, and now live in rural Shropshire. I love it, I have made some of the best friends I've ever had here. Everyone helps each other out, and with my DH being military and away from home a lot it's a massive help to me to have that community. I'd never want to go back to city life. Don't look for the negative. Get involved, get to know people.

I am a 5'5" woman with blonde hair driving a BMW and I look nothing like a burglar?

This is the weirdest comment so far. I’m 5ft with dark hair and no bmw. obviously a good fit for a burglar .

I live in London but we also have a second/retirement home near DH’s childhood home, a tiny village in the middle of nowhere. When we are there we accept that people will know some of our doings (John in the shop might comment that we are having a new fence fitted and he knows this because the contractor stopped in for a sandwich or the lady at the post office might ask after DHs dad because she heard he was poorly) just as we will know more of what’s going on locally than we do in London because we are more inclined to chat to people that we would be on a London commuter train or bus. To us it's not a bad thing.

You seem to have a preconceived idea that talking about local goings-on in a village is gossip and it will be negative but people who live in small communities are exactly the same as people who live in cities. The only difference is that in a small community you are more likely to hear what’s being said about you, for good or ill. If it bothers you you can either relocate to somewhere more annonymous or keep yourself to yourself. That’s perfectly doable.

Are you in the new forest haha. I think you just need to keep on being friendly to everyone you meet. These "influential" people might be a bit funny with you, but for all you know nobody else may like them at all but just let them get on with it. Dogs are great for getting other people to talk to you, but I think it takes time and you just need to keep chipping away.

Expect people to be very resentful that you have moved from London to a National Park, there's a major housing crisis where locals are being priced out by londoners

This isn't just the case in villages. There are many areas of the country where prices are being pushed up by relocating Londoners, and it's understandable that there would be resentment.

I live in North Yorks (I've spent my whole adult life up here), and prices in many areas are totally removed from local wages, partly because of southerners buying houses in the 'naice' bits of the north. It's not their fault, but you can see why the resentment is there.

It's the same in London - people resent foreign millionaires buying flats in zone 1 as investments as it has a detrimental effect on the housing market and reduces the supply available to locals.

Agree with @Kazzyhoward - we do the same, lived in a village for 22 years we might be gossiped about but really not bothered, live and let live

Ated So loved your post, and it made me smile! We have deer, owls, badgers, rabbits, foxes, mice and a million other animals in our gardens every night, and it is wonderful! Truly wonderful for my children to grow up to the sound of bird song and fresh air, and a family of deer. There isn't a day that goes past that I don't feel blessed to live here.

However, the village gossip thing in my experience has never been hurtful or unkind, it is simply a way for some people to pass the day. We have lots of retired people, and they enjoy their walks with dogs, and chatting to each other. You are today's news because you are new, but once you have been friendly and answered a few questions about where you are from etc, you will quickly find you are accepted and welcomed. Most villages are very very friendly, and pride themselves on being so.

I have lived in London, cities and towns, and villages, overseas and here, and you can not beat a British village for a true sense of community spirit, particularly if it is snows!

Embrace the quirks of your new life, warm to those that you like, a wave and hello to those that you do not like quite as much and your life will be grand. Or move back to a life where no one knows or cares about you, it is a matter of personal taste.

I have a child with special needs and I’m contemplating if I should move to a village. Schools seem to be smaller and environment safer.. Has anyone moved because of this? And how do you find it?

Village life for my sibling and family ended after they were sick of being asked to park the van for work (with a logo of the trade on the side) far enough down the drive it wouldn't be obvious to people who visited the village often that a tradesman actually lived in the village.

My father was a tradesman, he was a builder from Limerick who moved his very young family to a twee home counties village and he got similar disapproving noises when he rolled up in his works van with the company logo down the side. While nobody asked him to physically move the van you could tell some folk were not happy with a non uni educated 'brickie' lowering the tone of the place. All very snobby. Funny thing was though my father had founded his own property development company and had done pretty well for himself, yes, his weekday vehicle was indeed a slightly beat up ford transit, but it was one of about twenty that he owned, he used to zip around the multiple construction sites that he was managing at the time in this van. He also played a very good standard rugby, he trained with the international squad for a few seasons although he never got a cap. To help break the ice with the villagers he hosted a large summer BBQ at our home and invited most of the village, half of whom refused to even respond to the invite let alone actually attend. Those who did attend were surprised to find out that despite having left school at 14 he was articulate, well read, could string a few sentences together and had a few nice classic cars in the garage. All his rugby mates turned up to the BBQ, many of whom were British Lions and international players, word got out that this brickie from Limerick was actually an okay sort but even then you could tell that he was never going to be anything more then an acceptable curiosity who was worth knowing if you wanted some rugby tickets or some building work done for mates rates. While my folks were happy to have other kids around for play dates we rarely got reciprocal invites. We were never going to be considered 'a local' unless you could trace your family back several generations in the area. We ended up moving a few miles down the road to a larger town where folk did not really care so much for your background or perceived social standing.

I was brought up in a village and it really wasn't my cup of tea, I'm a city person.

Don't think you have any option but to ignore any gossip, unless someone directly asks you about something.

It's easy to say, but try not to worry about it. Hugs xxxxx

Gallivespian

Well, it makes a change from London-bashing, @Spudlet.

We can fit you in for week 6, but you might have to share with other large conurbations.

Oh and my village horror story (wasn't sure whether it would help lol but as everyone else is chipping in):-

My partner was out somewhere and heard some local youths say 'he's going out with that weird woman.' We also had pebbles thrown at the car. I'm into Wicca etc and they used to sing 'I put a spell on you' as I went past! This was all done by the young men/boys of the village, but the 'grown ups' were bad in other ways.

We are not all inbred idiots