Notifications hidden on DH phone. AIBU

[whitekittens]

For some time now DH has had the notifications on his iPhone hidden. It basically means that when he gets a message, email etc. it will just come up on his locked screen that he has a notification rather than the first part of the message.

He hasn’t really given me an explanation for it. It’s making me really uncomfortable wondering why he doesn’t want me to see what’s in his messages. It wouldn’t cross my mind to do it with my phone...in fact I didn't even know you could set your phone like that until he did it!

AIBU to think it’s dodgy?

I don't think I'd even notice. I don't really look at DH's phone unless it's ringing when he's not in the room with it. Do you have other reasons why you don't trust him?

I wouldn’t assume foul play.

I know lots of people who have them like that, I wouldn’t necessarily panic.

If he's dodgy, then I'm dodgy too.

In fact, I limit notifications as far as possible for most things.

If someone needs me NOW they can call me.

If they send me a message by any other means, I prefer to read it in my own sweet time. I don't want to be potentially irritated or distracted at any random point by seeing a preview of a message, and reading them at random points in the day makes it easier to forget to reply.

I don't like my colleagues being able to see my messages on my phone on a desk at work so I do notifications like this. DH isn't the person I'm "hiding" them from.

would you really not notice though? Obviously he leaves his phone lying about and I see if light up with a notification now and then. It’s impossible not to notice that he’s changed the settings

Do you WANT to see what's in his messages?

If you don't, then there's no issue.

If you do, then you need to understand that it's not usually healthy behaviour and try to work out why you feel that way.

Actually though, could you ask him how he did it please? It would be useful at work to not have a full message pop up because I often have my phone out where others can see it. Also it might stop whatsapp notifications blocking the functions at the top of my screen. I'll make sure I explain it to my DH if it's going to induce worry.

I seriously wouldn't even notice this!

You must be suspicious of something to notice that this has occurred.

What's the issue?

I do this to lower my stress levels. So I don’t read non urgent emails till I’m working.

My phone is set to show notifications without any preview. I'm not in a relationship, so I've no need to 'hide' anything from anyone. I just prefer it that way.

Is your relationship creaky in other ways?

I have the detail of notifications hidden too. So it'll say I've got a what's app message rather than saying who it's from etc. Why wouldn't I? I don't want my colleagues or my children or my nosey mother being able to see it if they're in the vicinity when it pops up. They have no need to know the detail of my messages.

My phone died this sometimes. I don’t know why, haven’t set it like that although I do disallow notifications when the little box comes up.

I do this. Nothing dodgy, I just tend to leave my phone lying around at work or if I’m at a friends house and don’t want people to read my messages.

Has he just recently changed it? Has his behaviour changed too?
My dh has his phone set so you can’t see the message on his lock screen, but it’s always been like that and I think if I asked to look he wouldn’t mind.

Really depends on context. My messages show up but I have thought about changing it. I’m definitely not up to no good!

I also do this. Partly because I didn't want every diary invite etc to pop up on my phone. It's made me much less stressed!
I wouldn't assume foul play

I don't have any notifications at all on my phone because I can't stand all the binging and bonging and flashing that some people's phones are prone to doing.

I'm hiding nothing. I just don't want the damn thing demanding my attention every five fucking seconds.

Has he got an iPhone that has face recognition? If so, it’s a standard setting. It uses face recognition to reveal the first couple of lines of the message.

Dh has it because his phone is laying "in the open" at work and he doesn't want his colleagues to be able to read his msg...
But we know each other's passwords so nothing suspicious about it. Not that I read his msg or he reads mine...

I only have notification of a message not the first part of the message on my phone and have fone for years. I dont really want randomers or colleagues able to read my messages (even if it's the first part only) at a glance. Not to mention the message may not always be appropriate in some environments (not innate scandalous way but swearing etx).

I used to have this setting and it was because I didn't want other people reading my messages i.e. if my phone was on a desk or similar, nothing sinister.

I asked my husband to set his like this because I don’t want the kids reading the foul language some of his friends use!
You must have other reasons to feel unease?

OP, I’ve just recently switched off a load of notifications on my phone. Not individual WhatsApp messages but group ones, and all other notifications other than phone calls. In my case, I am a little obsessed with Dr Chatterjee’s health advice at the moment and was following his digital detox
I did consider turning them all off because I’m starting to view my phone as this huge attention seeking thing that wants to use up all my time

Anyhow, how do you know he has turned them off?

DH knows my password anyway, he could look at my phone whenever he likes.

I’ve just got a new iPhone and mine does this automatically. Definitely not dodgy (unless you have other concerns - which is the main issue)