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AIBU?

To think we weren’t in the wrong here?

304 replies

outofthedarkshadows · 23/11/2019 11:05

Out with DD aged 3 and a woman walked past. DD said in that loud way children have ‘that’s a big lady.’

I know that must have been unpleasant for her but she gave me such a look and said ‘teach it some manners.’

(I had quietly said to dd that wasn’t a nice thing to say.)

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notnowmaybelater · 25/11/2019 10:54

Luk3r335 what utter nonsense.

What is it with making things up and stating them as fact, it seems to be utterly normal now Hmm Categorising is a major element of cognitive development - early years settings focus on sorting and categorising because it's a prerequisite of both communication and rational thought. Children begin to learn to categorise from very early and continue to refine the skill throughout childhood (once they've learnt to put things and people in categories they have to learn when not to, and that most things belong in multiple categories, categories overlap, some things look like one thing but are another, some can't be categorised, the limit on the usefulness of categories etc. But all that's still to come at 3).

3 year olds are very focused on categorising and it's developmentally completely normal and appropriate for 3 year olds to be very curious, very observant, and inclined to categorise both things and people.

That's cognitive development, but at the same time they're developing social skills, and of course need to learn through experience and modelling and correction that making comments on strangers' appearance is socially unacceptable.

Being 3 is actually quite complicated behind the scenes, but a 3 year old absolutely should be noticing and curious about external attributes of the people around them. An incurious child has far more, and more deep seated, problems than child with age appropriate lack of filter!

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Lincolnfield · 25/11/2019 11:39

With the vast number of obese people these days - every town is full of them - I’m quite surprised a child would even notice. Is she picking up on how her parents react to fat people?

My grandson aged six left me completely horrified recently when we passed three ladies wearing black burkas and he shouted ‘ooh look Ninjas’. Thankfully I don’t think they heard but I had to pull him to one side and say ‘ they are nice ladies who choose to wear long black dresses.’ I know, for sure, his comment is because, sadly, his father, my stepson is a shocking racist. He no longer speaks to either me or his father because we’ve called him out on his racism but it was clear that my grandson is picking up his attitudes.

I just bring this up because it’s possible the little girl is hearing comments about fat people or even noticing how the adults in her life are reacting when they pass a fat person. Children are much more perceptive than we give them credit for.

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Poppinjay · 25/11/2019 18:14

I just bring this up because it’s possible the little girl is hearing comments about fat people or even noticing how the adults in her life are reacting when they pass a fat person.

If she was picking up on adults speaking negatively about fat people, she would have used the words they use which would be very unlikely to be 'big'.

The same applies to a child repeating racist comments. Unless his father called women in burkas ninjas, he's far more likely to have just noticed that the look like ninjas he's seen in films.

Children externalise their thought processes. She say a big lady and expressed the corresponding thought out loud. That's just what three year olds do. In time, she will learn from the adults around her, which thoughts it is OK to verbalise and which it is not.

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ToftyAC · 25/11/2019 19:08

Kids are literal, that’s just how they are and your DD is only 3. I had this with both my boys when aged 2 or 3. I have talked to both of them about this and they soon understood. Kids have to be taught as they don’t just know by default and you did tell your DD that that wasn’t a nice thing to say. The other woman’s response I feel was a bit out of order. So no I don’t think YABU. I’ve had kids say the same about myself, but I did not react like this. I tend to pull a silly face and say “yep! I love cake.” 🎂

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