Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

I smell bullshit

YANBU of course. It will happen again, just bide your time. He will probably be on his 'best behaviour' for the next day or so and then revert back, he sounds like a total selfish dick with form for this. He has a three year old whose mother he has been split from for at least a year and who he also cheated on.

I hope you and your DD had a really nice afternoon and it helped give you space to think.

I'd swing by your nearest chemist for a home urine drug test. If it were me, I'd want to know if it was coke he took last night or coke plus a shed load of other illegal drugs. Addicts aren't particularly choosy when it comes to getting high, in my experience. If he's negative for coke, I'd consider that confirmation that he cheated and made a clumsy attempt to hide one sin by confessing to something he didn't actually do. Normally, I would say trust but verify, but I really don't think your DH has earned any trust from you at this point.

Bullshit

"Wouldnt dare come home"

And how would you of known?

This is crap!!!

I think there’s more to it than him taking coke. It just doesn’t add up

Oy vey - a 'one off' coke episode and you're to blame for why he wouldn't come home then he drove to pick up his child? Still under the influence?

There's something shonky donky here imo

Sorry this sounds like he’s given you some bullshit so he has something to ‘confess’ to distract you from what he’s really been up to

The first thing that came to my mind when I read your OP was that he was cheating, that was before I knew he had already done it to a former partner he also had a child with.

But even if he was telling the truth in this instance, it's still fucking terrible behaviour and a really bad idea to set the bar this low. You know all this though, you're not stupid and like you say you have experience of it with your ex.

Anyway, I hope you are ok.

Oh sorry, you said you had experience of your ex letting your DC down. Sorry, I misread.

I’d definitely leave someone if they drive whilst on coke ffs! Total idiot.

I don't believe him

And even if it were true....is the behaviour you should expect from a father and a partner ?

You know the whole cocaine sex thing I'm guessing? It would be a dealbraker for me.

OP
You've had loads of advice on this thread. The majority telling you basically to cop on.
He's lying and it won't get better.
I hope you do for your sake, your unborn child's sake and your dc too.

Id love to know what all these men look like i mean in 3 years hes managed to take coke, his 1st partner had a baby, he then cheat then a year later found another women to take him on knowing the above got her pregnant then started the whole cycle again,

If the above was written on a dating app you wouldnt touch them with a bargepole!!! Plus theres op kids stuck in the middle of this, one of whom needs a bit of one on one, maybe she can sense hes a prick

I don’t think he slept in the car. He’s taking you for an idiot.

Nah that’s rubbish as you can rarely tell if someone has taken coke anyway

My guess he’s been cheating sorry. I mean where - did he charge his phone?!

Is his phone charging cable in the car? If not and it’s been in the house all the time he is defo lying.

I’m afraid drugs are a dealbreaker for me though. It starts once a month then once a week and before you know it there are baggies on the house on a Tuesday night and you have kids running about. One drops out his pocket and the kid picks it up.... Yeah, that can’t be allowed to happen.

I’d be thinking seriously about the pregnancy too. But that’s me and I’m not suggesting that my choice would be everyone’s choice.

You know that if he’s caught anything from some shag that you will catch it too if you have sex with him. He’d have to be std tested if I was keeping him. I’m inclined to think I’d trade him in for a more reliable model which is motd and won’t break down every couple of years though. Some men just can’t handle a long term relationship.

Sorry OP lots to think about.

He's cried and begged forgiveness.

Why of course. Who wants to be a solo dad to two every other weekend? Not Mr Coke Party!

I don't know what to think right now.

That he is scum, you were wrong about him, and the sooner you get rid the better?

He drove home drunk and coked up. That is beyond unacceptable. And if it isn't what he did, then what he did do has to be even worse than his cover story.

The fact that he drove home drunk and coked up would be plenty for me to dump his arse immediately. Clearly a sound moral compass.

He’s having you on op.

Why is he crying? He was being a dick on purpose knowingly putting you through a lot of stress. He couldn’t have felt that bad otherwise he’d have come straight home or contacted you to explain that he got a bit pissed and is staying at a mates.

Sorry op

Nope, don’t buy it. I think the coke thing is a red herring. He’s giving you something bad that you’re not going to like, so you have a valid reason to be mad. In the meantime he’s hiding an even bigger thing and this is just to throw you off the scent. My ex did this when I started getting suss. He made me believe he was taking drugs as he knew my instinct would be to help him. He was actually cheating and hadn’t ever touched drugs in his life.

Sorry op, my money is on him cheating.

Is there anyway you can check if he really was at the end of the road? Do any neighbours have cctv and you can ask to have a look?

Also, get into his phone and emails if you can.

If a man someone confesses to something like that so quickly it is often because they are hiding something much worse.

Who the hell sleeps in their car when it is as cold as it was last night? He knows you have no way of checking the truth of where he slept. As others have said - the smell of BS is overpowering

I'm really sorry OP, and I can totally understand you wanting it to be true, but I just really don't think that it is.

It was a very cold night last night. There is no way that he would have driven all the way to the end of your road (whilst drunk and high) and then decided to sleep in a freezing cold car all night, knowing that a warm bed awaited him a few metres away.

How would you know if he'd been taking coke? He could have just sneaked in late and slept on the sofa. Surely even if he had taken coke, he could still appreciate that staying out all night would be even worse.

If he was taking coke, who was he with? And until what time? Because he wasn't doing it on his own. And if he was doing it with friends then surely, if he was genuinely scared of coming home, he would have stayed at a friend's house? And he could have recharged his phone and sent you a message telling you that he was drunk and staying at a friends.

There are just so many ways that he could have concealed his drug use if he had wanted. Or he could have just told you that he was totally drunk and fell asleep somewhere.

So, my question is...why, if he was too scared to come home in a bit of a state, was he not too scared to admit to taking coke? And not too scared to admit driving under the influence? It makes no sense. Aside from the more likely he is using it as a diversionary tactic.

I think that you're getting half the story here.
Put your cards on the table. Explain that you are not convinced and tell him your fears and then get him to prove to you. He needs to produce evidence to back up his story!

Phone records, receipts for clubs/bars that he went into. If he paid by card there will be a paper trail. Get him to put you in touch with his mates or whoever he was with in order to verify his story. If he's innocent and scared of losing you, he will be able to provide you with details. And don't buy his threats/complaints of "you should trust me". Do not let him put any of this back onto you.

Good luck OP.

The more I think about this and everyone else’s take on it, the more I’m convinced he’s cheated, the cover story is clearly utter bollocks. You deserve better than this sorry piece of shit. Honestly I know it’s scary to contemplate the rest of the pregnancy and having the baby without him but it will be 100% better than if you stay with him. What a scumbag.

@CorBlimeyGovenor has hit the nail on the head