Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

I just told my husband this story. He laughed, shook his head and said "lame excuse, he's not even bothered trying to come up with a good cover story".
I'd tend to agree sorry.
I'm so sorry you're pregnant and going through this but I too smell bullshit.
Please look after yourself.

OP I'm sorry for everything you've been through and are currently going through, hugs and handholds. As other PPs have said, if this is a dealbreaker to you if you weren't expecting it should still be a dealbreaker. Only you can decide if this is a one off that you'll put him on a probationary notice for or if this is enough to say enough.

For the PPs that have asked and/or mentioned this being a male only trait I sadly grew up with my mom often getting too drunk & strung out on painkillers to remember to even retrieve me from school which often left my grandmother to get me as my dad worked an hour from home. On the weekends she'd be in bed sleeping off her hangovers so my father spent nearly 100% of the "quality time" with me as a kid. It's certainly more rare of an occurrence, but there certainly are some mothers that should be binned out just like OPs partner should.

So he drove to the end of the road, high as a kite and pissed (you said he came in stinking of booze) I smell bullshit along with the booze.

Yeah that’s a bullshit excuse OP.

Is there any way to see his recent movements via his phone tracker?

Sounds like bulkshit lm afraid. I would try to call his bluff by drug testing him. The mouth test kits are lame and unreliable. Urine test kits are the best for a reliable and accurate answer

I've taken coke before, the effects are very short lasting (30 minutes to 1 hour). It also isnt a drug which makes you incoherent, you dont lose awareness with coke. So I'm very puzzled as to how him taking coke stopped him going home all night.

Clearly he knows you know nothing about drugs for him to be using that as an excuse. MDMA i can understand because the effects can make you shit faced for hours. But coke???? Lol

That poor excuse, coupled with the fact he went radio silent AFTER charging his phone smells like cheating. If he was drunk he wouldve told you he was staying out... eventually, possibly along with a few other incoherent texts. But you got a quick text (after he charged his phone) then nothing.

So, he drinks and drives every week (where I live even one might well put you over the limit), he takes drugs, he lies and he actually drove today with his son in the car?
I wouldn't be worrying about cheating, to be honest. Even if he was totally faithful, he still isn't a stable and reliable partner.

What’s that smell?.... oh...it’s bullishit.

Yeah right, I would have slept in my car too... if I had a big mountain-grade sleeping bag with a padded hood, plus a foil lined survival bag.

Otherwise I call bullshit. Ain't nobody sleeping in their car in this weather. Unless you were actually having to resuscitate him this morning, he didn't sleep in the car.

Sorry, OP, but what you've got there is a Grade A scumbag.

There is a very famous medical saying

When you hear hoof beats look for horses not zebras.

Meaning it’s usually the most obvious thing. Occasionally might be a zebra. But more likely a horse

So it’s probably the most obvious thing he has form for

How did he charge his phone??

@MabelMoo23 I really like that.

OP I don’t know if you’re still reading this, but if you are, I know you’re wading through a lot of damnation (which is completely deserved) of this pathetic man, but the main thing you should take from this situation is that you don’t deserve this, you didn’t deserve it from your ex nor this guy, and you honestly you are better than this and can do a lot better. You’re pregnant which is going to make you feel vulnerable and probably very worried about doing it alone but I promise you are capable. I was in a similar situation, I was scared and ovwerwhelmed but I left and had my baby and it was great, it and I’m so glad I didn’t stay with someone who was not right for me. And not that this should be a consideration at this point but I met someone amazing, good and kind and trustworthy and so can you. Stay strong x

That story is garbage.
He's had a while to conjure up something and he came up with that

His ex must have been pregnant or with a very young child when he cheated if the baby is only 3 now and you met a year later after they'd split. Did he cheat, tell her then leave of his own accord or did he cheat, she found out and dumped him? Did you get pregnant quickly after knowing him for a short time?

You don't say how far along pregnant you are, I'd be leaving. If I was very early in the pregnancy I'd be looking at options.

So he took coke and drove. Then drove this morning with his DC in the car when probably still over the limit from drinking. I don't think I could see past either of those.

And, of course, that's if you believe him. This is the best story he could tell about himself and it's a fucking appalling one.

I'm early pregnant, with twins. Which makes the whole scenario so much harder.

He told me he went back to his friends house, him, his mate and his mates mate. Got offered a line, had it, then couldn't stop. He knows how I feel about drugs and said that's why he didn't contact me.

The car being down the road doesn't add up. He was cold when he came in, I was in bed and he came straight up and got into bed. He says he drove back at about midnight and stayed in the car.

He told his ex the morning after what he had done.

Oh great.
Cheater
Liar
Drug taker

Please think of your children op.

It's not great, is it? Do you have a life outside of him, a support network of friends and family?

Did he tell you he told his ex or did you hear it from her because I wouldn't believe a word that he says.

He's blaming you for his lack of contact. Because you don't like drugs. That's a shitty fucking move- he could have text at any point and there's no way you would've guessed he was coked up from a text.

I really feel for you.

Oh op I really feel for you :(
I would be reconsidering everything.

What a prick. Living the single life with a pregnant gf, being a shitty dad to the kid he’s already got and to top it off risking ruining/ending other ppls lives by driving under the influence.

I'm sorry op.
You must be very upset. Only you know if you can accept this.
I don't believe the story. At best he's a drink and drug driving selfish pratt putting himself above a 3 year old and a partner with twins.
At worst, a potential cheating drink/drug taking liar.putting your health at risk with potential stds and prioritising himself over kids already from a broken family due to his behaviour and now potentially 2more.