Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

A lot of people here are suggesting that it is a fact that he was over the legal limit when he drove with his child the next day.

It's not a fact it's an assumption. We don't know how much he drank, when he stopped or how fast his metabolism is. He definitely could have been over but people are basically saying: drove drunk with child therefore only acceptable option for OP is divorce.

The alcohol wasn’t the only issue though was it, he was still coming down from the cocaine- OP has already said this.

He drove under the influence, on little sleep and made himself responsible for a child.

Whether its cocaine or cheated I would definitely get rid..and yeah I had just had my daughter with an ex when I found out he did coke with a mate, and I dumped his ass. And raised my daughter myself. I wouldn't want that type of man around me and my kids...I say man he sounds more like a boy. If you chose to stay with him I'd definitely do an sti test before sleeping with him

@Jellybeansincognito

Again, you don't know if he was still under the influence of coke.

Let's look at what the OP actually said, shall we?

"He told me he went back to his friends house, him, his mate and his mates mate. Got offered a line, had it, then couldn't stop. He knows how I feel about drugs and said that's why he didn't contact me."

Then, later

"I can't stop thinking about it all today. He's still on a come down, was sweating throughout the night and making strange noises and today is just knackered."

So actually we do know that he was under the influence of coke when he drove his three year old child. He was either still off his face or coming down. Either way he's a shit excuse for a father.

I think cocaine can be detected in urine up to three days after use but it's actual effect wears off pretty quickly. While the drug may still be in his system it doesn't follow that his driving is impaired.

While the drug may still be in his system it doesn't follow that his driving is impaired.

So this is what we're defending now, is it?

Barrel is well and truly being scrapped now.

You want to test that with your child in the car?

It’s insane isn’t it @LimeRedBanana

I’ve always wondered why ladies seem to form a queue for men like this and it’s always asked on certain threads who would find these people appealing.

It’s weird to see it flipped and so many people defending such a waste of space.

@Rombocious and @HauntedmessFrogbeaver a very quick google search confirms that for an average single use then no driving for 12 hours, heavy repeated use its 24/48 hours.

So we are to assume that he took one single use before 11pm to be safe to drive to collect his child.

Given that he was still sweating etc that night l, do you think it was a single use?

OP herself stated he was in no fit state to drive, which admittedly was before she decided he was w good partner and father and everyone should agree with her.

We do know that he also drove that night but of course that's being swept under the carpet as well.

So, I ask you this, would you be happy if you hired a taxi and placed your precious child in it and found that the driver the night before had, been drinking, taking cocaine and "slept" in his car?

Honestly, this thread is an absolute wasteland of shoddy, sub-standard man defending, and women with pitifully low standards.

Getting actually angry at people saying this sort of behaviour isn't OK.

Totally boggling.

This may seem utterly off piste but did anyone watch the Dispstches documentary about County Lines child drug runners?

I can't stop thinking about the people I know who play happy families all week then have a few lines on a weekend with friends and how it feeds organised crime gangs, with devastating consequences for vulnerable kids. More middle class people with good jobs, homes & families indulge in this behaviour than most people realise.

My comments were removed last week for asking if youve changed the locks and packed his stuff or something along these lines. Staying out all night and drugs. Mmmm. Big man child. Again i ask where did u dump his stuff? Mummys house? Cos he sounds like he needs mummy to pander to his hilarious behaviour x good luck in whatever you decide.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to post that here

He's fucking done it again

Oh OP that is not good, less than 4 weeks after last time too.

What are you going to do now?
He has proved that he has no respect for you whatsoever, and unless you take control of this situation now, he will walk all over you forever.
I know you're pregnant, and I know you said previously if you weren't then this would be a deal breaker. But this is the second time in 4 weeks. Youd serve much better than that.

But he’s a good man?

So I don't know for sure that it's coke this time but he went out midday yesterday, was online on social media an hour ago. That's 18 hours! And he's ignored me which makes me think it's coke too.

Things have got worse since last time I posted, he sexually harasses me.

I stayed at my mums last night so I don't even know if he's home, he doesn't know I'm at my mums tho so I'm presuming he stayed with his mate else he would have been ringing me to see where I am.

He's got to go. But how do I know for sure it's coke? So fed up

You don't need to know for sure. He's sexually harassing you. You don't want him there. You don't want your kids growing up around that. You are free to end it.

It really doesn't matter if it is coke. This guy is clearly showing you he does not give a fuck about your feelings or well being. That on its own should be enough reason for you to realise you, and your children, deserve better.

Coke or booze, it doesn't matter. This relationship has to end.

You don't need to know wether it's definitely Coke or another woman or anything now.

You know he's lying, taking some sort of drug and probably cheating too.

Bye Felipe!

Doesn’t matter if it’s coke this time or not. He knows doing this will blow his life up, so let it.

You wouldn’t know it’s coke unless he was tested (and it would have to be done quickly)... or unless you know him well enough to see what he’s like on coke compared with just alcohol.

I’m sorry this has happened a second time. I won’t say LTB, that’s wholly down to you. But don’t be like me - I gave 6 years of trying everything to get my ex to see sense, quit drinking etc. 6yrs of him drinking, disappearing etc etc. I found out about the drugs (and extent of it) last year. On Xmas Eve. Had my suspicions before (re drugs). I asked him to leave that night - I found out he’d been drinking/taking drugs and driving/looking after the children.

What I learned after 6 yrs? Nothing on this planet will make him stop unless HE wants to. And there is nothing I can do to make him change and stop the alcohol/drug abuse if he doesn’t want to. Reading your post took me right back to the feelings and worries I had when my ex would disappear (and the feelings I had when I’d head of to work and worry about whether he’d be home when I got home). Almost a year of being single, and myself and the kids have a peaceful and happy home. I wouldn’t go back.

I wish you all the very best xx