Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

He's not a good dad to his son, he drove with him the morning after a coke & alcohol binge.

That's not a good father in my book.

I know, I can’t believe how many people are brushing past that @OlaEliza

For the sake of your twins you need to get an STD test. No one will judge you. For what it's worth he definitely cheated on you.

But why would you choose to be with someone who does drugs? That is definitely not someone I would want to be with, or have around my children. One off or no, that would be a deal-breaker for me.

Just because he's stayed out one night in the whole relationship doesn't mean he's cheated some of the replys are horrible I would like to see most of you up and leave over 1 night when pregnant with twins !! .
But if it were to happen again op I would end it or he will just take the piss the taking coke would seriously worry me if my partner done it even once you really need to stick to this as his last chance.

For what it's worth he definitely cheated on you.

Bollocks. OP, for what it's worth I'd put money on the fact he hasn't cheated on you. Good luck with your pregnancy and the future.

He'll NO! YANBU.
That's a despicable way to treat you!!
He needs to rethink his whole attitude - especially as you're pregnant with his child. Sounds like a complete git.

Ive gone out and was having a good time ..that time went past then realised its late ...it was a rare night out after having children...its not a regular occurance and hasnt happened again ...tbh the hangover and lack of sleep with kids was bad enough lol .....it happens.....draw a line and good luck hun ...none of us are angels...we are human xx well done for being you and keep smiling xxx

My ex husband did that when I was pregnant. Note he is now EX!

How does he charge a dead phone while having an after work drink? He is an arse. I'm betting a cheating arse like my ex.

Just caught up with him doing coke too - also my ex! He told me he didn't (he has a job up holding law so really was a sod) but i caught him and a friend doing coke off the changing table in our bed room. To say I flipped was an understatement!

Honestly, he will get worse. This is a pattern of behaviour I know all too well. Keep your eyes wide open and trust your gut - it won't lie.

Completely agree with the poster that said she'd like to see some of the posters on here up and leave, pregnant with twins, after one mistake. Life isn't a fairy tale.

And all those saying he definately cheated, he's a shagger etc etc how could you possibly know?! I know him, I live with him, I'm the one that spoke to him, seen his reaction, emotions etc when I asked him and read him the riot act for what he'd done.

The amount of people on here and other threads that chime in with the "oh my goodness I'd leave if that were my dh" "you're a fool for believing him" are so so dramatic! If we all left our partners for ONE mistake, no relationships would ever last. We're in a generation where everything, including people seem so disposable. Nobody is perfect and as I've previously said, aside of this ONE monumental fuck up, he is a loving, caring, giving and kind man who thinks the world of me and my children.

OP......so why are you on here?????? You're sticking with him and you won't hear/don't want to hear what people are saying. So why post?

Like you say, you know him best. So go with your gut.

Someone suggested an STD test for the sake of the health of your babies. I think that's a very good idea, just in case

Nobody is perfect
The low standards of some people is incredible to me.
People can make mistakes but a drug-taking, cheater who lets his other child down and drives over the limit is a bit of a scumbag no?
Are you going to be relying on this man financially when the babies are born op? Being unmarried is going to make you very vulnerable. I am probably old enough to be the op's daughter and if this was happening to her I would be so so worried.

*mother even

I have made it explicitly clear that I absolutely will not be in a relationship where drugs are a factor, and while I've given him a chance, he knows damn well he'd be gone if he tries to pull this shit again

Oh so he knew on Friday, that he had one free pass then, to go out, get shitfaced, take coke, drive and not come home. Guess he was thinking he better get it used, what with the whole twins thing coming up and all.

princessconsuelabananahammock2
I do understand that you know your life better than anyone.
That in your case this thread has allowed you to vent, and know that in RL you won't have gossip.
I think a lot who post here do it for moral support to leave, I hope in your case it all works out.

Of course no one is perfect, but you’re acting like he’s left a cup to go mouldy in your bedroom. Or left his clothes to go fusty. Or spent money that you don’t have.

He had 2 choices that night and guess what, you and your twins came second, along with his current child.
His selfish druggy needs came above those needs to respect you.
Not only that, but the coward couldn’t even take responsibility for his own actions and pathetically started crying like an absolute loser about his behaviour, blaming you- because apparently you’re too scary to go home to.

Had he been genuinely sorry about what he has done, he’d have given you a second thought and not had you up all night worrying about where he is and he would’ve come home and shown he was sorry.

And after that he didn’t even consider his own sons safety and went to get him despite what he was upto the night before.

He puts his needs before everyone else, very clearly. Safety and respect come second.

It’s not for us to decide whether you should LTB and as you’ve got so defensive it’s obvious that you won’t, regardless of what the truth of the situation might turn out to be.

However, please stop saying that he’s a good dad. He knew he was having his son but he still spent the whole night coked up and drinking, then drove whilst under the influence (putting people at risk), then drove again (second time putting people at risk), then drove again with his son in the car (third time putting people at risk, including the child you’re telling us he’s a great dad to.)

I get that you’re trying to defend your decision and your relationship, but I hope that behind what you’re telling us you’re still keeping your eyes open to what he actually is: a man who puts his own desire to act like a selfish single man over the needs of his pregnant partner, child and step children.

Wishing lots of luck to the OP's kids and to her partner's kids. I hope they all get to grow up in a safe, stable environment. They're the ones I feel sorry for here.

Oh please.

One mistake?

This guy cheated on his wife, takes drugs, stays out all night AWOL when you're pregnant, drives drugged/drunk to pick up his child for contact.

He isn't a decent guy who's 'made a mistake' - he's a thoroughly shit choice who is beginning to show his colours.

You've been there before with men like this, you know the signs, and that's the tone in which you started the thread. I suspect you might have been expecting more 'Hey don't worry, he will come good' responses? - I don't know.

the only reason he's not slung out is because of the twins - it's going to be so tough and if this was just a big mistake then I have to give it a chance because I really really don't want to be a single parent to twins.

Twins or no twins I could finish this right now if I wanted to. It's my house, my life. If I want him gone he'll be gone. I'm not afraid of being alone, I've done it before with my own two children. I don't need him, I'm choosing to have him

Ok, whichever one of those two statements is true, you go with that. Sounds like it's the first one to me, but whatever.

I really hope for your sake that this was one moment of madness and now you've read him the riot act that he'll be responsible and honest and all the things you need him to be.

Because as you've said, you know him better than any of us, and if you're prepared to give him a second chance then I don't think it's anyone's business to say you're being stupid. You sound like you're strong enough to cope without him if he lets you down again, but would prefer to be with him, which is totally your choice!

All the best OP, hope this works out for you

Did he drink/drug drive? It sounds like he did. Not really a great parenting move from him is it?

Oh and you know what my ex did when I caught him cheating and doing drugs - fake crying, all sorry and a changed man.... For a few weeks then right back to the same crap I caught him doing before (he got caught because he got lazy hiding it, people like that do it all the time and cover it up) it's your choice but ive been there, while pregnant and it just gets worse.