Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

@Jellybeansincognito
Just because I’m not condemning the man and actually live in the real world enough to know that drugs are more widely used than you or many people would care to realise must mean that drugs are normal to me? No drugs are not normal to me but I have a job that I see more of what goes on than most! So back at you ‘you don’t know what’s going on my life’!! But my dear I also wasn’t trying to be judge jury and executioner, trying to hang him before any actual evidence was given!! OP is the only one here that has to live with the decision she makes not us!

Yeah you don’t sleep on coke 😂 he was with another chick

Op coke doesn't make you paranoid but it is widely associated with sex

@FizzyGreenWater but I'm not trapped? Twins or no twins I could finish this right now if I wanted to. It's my house, my life. If I want him gone he'll be gone. I'm not afraid of being alone, I've done it before with my own two children. I don't need him, I'm choosing to have him, and he knows this.

I'm choosing to have him, and he knows this

Why is your bar set so low? He’s probably cheated, he has done before so why not with you? He’s been using coke and apparently drunk and drugged drove. He’s lied to you somewhere along the way over the last few days whatever he says.

Don’t you and your children deserve better?

@Dmstacey76 how patronising are you?

I am indeed very deeply in the ‘real world’. I know lots of people use drugs, that doesn’t make them ok.
Nobody I social wise would ever so drugs, 100%. It’s sad that you think everyone does drugs and normalise it because of how many people that do.

You’re completely missing the point of OP post, and didn’t even read all pages before responding to me.

Don’t patronise me either. Don’t really know who you think you are doing that.

Of course you’re trapped OP, otherwise you’d sling him out after doing this to you.
You’ve told him he’s only there because of the twins. Why on earth would you actively choose to have a druggy in your children’s lives?

You seem to think you’re in control of this situation, but the sad truth is you’re really not.
Control would be kicking him to curb for what he’s done to you.

Hi @princessconsuelabananahammock2... just reading your last update there and I have to ask - you say that you’re choosing to have him... why would you choose to have him after this? Drugs are and always have been a deal breaker for me, the user is putting themselves above everybody else, I don’t do that and I don’t expect the person I’m supposed to parent my children with and be in a lifelong relationship with to do that either. But this is the real world and yes I have been through it with my DH, I knew he’d taken them before we met but I told him in no uncertain terms that if it were to happen again then we are done - I found out that he was planning something while he was going to be away one time and I confronted him immediately - I told him to F off and that he knew the deal and he broke it, I did nothing wrong and I didn’t deserve that especially with a 12 month old at the time.. we worked it out, only because I found out before the event so knew he hadn’t done anything, but he knows I’m serious when it comes to that... it took a long time and he knows for certain he’s gone if anything like that happens again

A friend of mine has been through a very similar situation to you, she’s a very level headed, very pragmatic, professional, wonderful lady who would never in a million years thought she’d have to face something like this whilst pregnant... she tried to help him but he was an arrogant man who thought he could fool her, it got worse and worse, then she discovered more and more things he was getting up to (of course whilst high) and she knew that she didn’t deserve this, she left with her 3 week old baby thinking it would frighten him into change but it never did.. she never went back and he continues to be the same selfish, arrogant piece of work. It was hard work and dark at times but it’s been over 3 years now and shes never been happier..

I’m pregnant with twins myself so can understand how overwhelming this whole thing feels for you and why you may believe you can’t do it on your own but giving him one chance leads to another and another til he’s laughing thinking you’ll never leave him and he can get away with what he likes. Don’t you think you and your children deserve better than this? A lying, irresponsible, selfish piece of shit?

@Jellybeansincognito I haven't told him he's here because of the twins, in fact I told him not to think I'll stick around just because I'm pregnant.

I don't have to justify myself, he's here because this is the FIRST time he's ever done this. Infact it's the first times he's even gone out with his mates, he's normally straight home to me. He made some really stupid decisions that night but he is a great dad to his son.

You have no idea of my past, you don't know me, don't presume to know what I'll do or won't do. I will reiterate, I don't need him and he knows it.

You’re so defensive OP. Read your first post again and remember why you started this thread.

You’re tripping over things you’ve already said to try and justify yourself now. Says a lot doesn’t it.

There’s a first time for everything. Would you stay if he cheated as well because it was the first time?

You are being a doormat.

@Jellybeansincognito why are you being so intentionally goady?

She's not being a doormat. She's allowed to be worried and angry and upset.
She's had 48 hours from the initial post until now. She didn't know where he was or what he was doing and now they've spoken and argued and moved forward.

If you've got nothing helpful to say just unwatch the post and move on.

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday,
*
I don't have to justify myself, he's here because this is the FIRST time he's ever done this. Infact it's the first times he's even gone out with his mates, he's normally straight home to me*

Both stated by you OP, one of them isn't true?

@spanglydangly learn to read. He normally goes for one drink then comes home. This is the first time he's gone on a bender.

It's her life. So it's her choice.

Just because it's not yours doesn't make her a doormat.

If she wants to give him a second chance, why shouldn't she? Knee-jerk reactions aren't very sensible.

@GiveHerHellFromUs learn to read he's normally STRAIGHT home to OP? Do you understand straight home? Not going for a drink but straight home?

@spanglydangly first line of the OP "He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home."

He has one drink then goes straight home. Literally the most simple thing in the world to understand.

@GiveHerHellFromUs then that's not straight home is it? He normally never goes out with his mates apart from every Friday?

Look if OP is happy with a drink or drunk driver as a partner, then fine that's her call but she can't change the he always comes straight home from he goes out for a drink every Friday?

I mean he came straight back on Friday after 20 pints and a few lines of coke!

Bloody hell. I meant out with his mates as in 'out out' on a night out. I don't begrudge the man a pint with his mate on a Friday after work, he works 50+ hours a week!

Fuck me, talk about clutching at straws.

We've all acknowledged he screwed up on Friday, massively. But he's not normally like that - he had a massive blowout and knows he was wrong.

A massive blowout at the risk of killing someone whilst driving under the influence? He's not bloody well eaten a kebab and fallen asleep on a sofa!

Go google my son/daughter was killed by a drink/drugged driver! It will break your heart and I'm sure you wouldn't be saying he had a blowout if it were your child that ended up dead?

Yes @GiveHerHellFromUs because I cannot understand why people pick such a destructive path for themselves when children are involved.

The guy is clearly a waste of space, continuously showing disrespect to his partners. He will never change.

Usually on threads like this people always ask who the women are who go for these type of men. The answer is many on this thread it seems.

Cannot believe the complete brush over how disrespectful he has behaved and then the drugs too, disgraceful.

Exactly @spanglydangly

Alas, I have read that a lot of men cheat when their wives are pregnant. Sorry.

I’m not going to comment on the issue, OP seems to have got herself to a place she can live with.
But just for future, if people have iPhones/iPads use/set up the apple find my app. If you have android, download Google maps and set up the location sharing on it. If one has iphone, other android google maps app works. I use these so I can locate my kids (after one child went AWOL) and their phones when they loose them in the house and on silent!! My husband is also on them so we can see where we all are at any given time. Though these only work if data or the phone is on and has reception. They can give you piece of mind or make you paranoid, depending on how you use them.