Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

I don't believe he's cheated. I have full access to his phone, id find out and he knows it.

A one night stand with a random where you don't know their name and don't take their details would never be on his phone...

Hoping it's not the case though.

If it doesn’t add up.. it doesn’t
Trust your gut instinct as painful as it is 😘

I think you need to scare the shit out of him, message him and tell him that the doctor has diagnosed you with high blood pressure and you may need to be hospitalised if your stress levels do not improve.

Yes, wonderful advice..how to settle with a complete and utter moron.

Op shouldn't need to scare or lie to him to coerce him into being a decent partner.

Hmmm. I think, as a one off it's not a deal breaker. Disappointing? Yes. Disrespectful? Yes.

I'm not the type to immediately jump to the conclusion he's cheating. I've no issue with boys nights or occasional social drug use. Coke does not keep you raging all night, there's no real way of telling it's been used like other party drugs.

But. He'd be well fucking aware that the lying and piss poor excuses aren't acceptable. At the slightest sniff of more lies and crappy behaviour, I'd be gone.

Twins, you say ?

Gosh, that's a difficult one

I would tell him he is has crossed a line. If he was crossed it again he will lose you.

It is pathetic, OP, you're right. Is there any way forward that you can see? Has HE offered any pointers as to how the relationship can be retrieved and supported and grown?

Weather or not he took coke, cheated he successfully took your focus of your DD1 when he already knew you were spending one to one time with her because she needed you.

He sounds wonderful, takes drugs, doesn’t come home and he’s cheated before. Once a cheat always a cheat. Don’t believe a word he says.

It just doesn’t bode well, OP, if you look at the facts.

He fucked up his last relationship by cheating when his son must’ve been a baby. Moved on pretty quickly with you, you’re pregnant...and now he’s pulled a massive drugs bender and is telling obvious lies to you.

Think very carefully about where you go from here.

Gosh, I've just seen you are expecting twins with this man.
I missed you mentioning it but saw AnyFucker's post and checked back.
Oh my !
That is a really difficukt situation.

I don't think you're getting the full story and I'd tell him so. See if the story changes. Again.

Twins, you say ? Gosh, that's a difficult one

Hmm, what a predicament!

He's still lying to you about where he slept. He said that he stayed with a mate. He lied then changed his story. Then he slept in his car. Which you correctly don't believe. So you need to tell him that he needs to tell you the truth now. Who was he with, until when and where. Bluff if needs be. Tell him that you have evidence that he is lying (from someone else who you know who has contradicted part of his story,) and now it is his chance to come clean.

I don't understand in these threads the whole desperation and frantic planning of various subterfuges to encourage OP to find out details. There are some things we know:

• OP doesn't trust him
• He's definitely at least taken drugs
• He's definitely not responded to messages nor cared that his pregnant wife would be worrying about him
• He has form for this with his last partner
• He's gone on a bender despite having childcare responsibilities the next day
• He doesn't seem to care much about the poor 3yo who he should be missing and longing to play with.

It doesn't matter if he's been unfaithful, he's a pathetic excuse for a man and father based just on the known facts. The least OP should be doing is getting couples counselling, if she really thinks there's something worth saving. Any unfaithfulness can be dealt with as just one in the long list of issues.

Get out before the dc come so you can prepare and organise.

It will be so much easier than after they arrive.

I don't believe it is the first time he has done drugs or tharmt it will be the last.

I can't stop thinking about it all today. He's still on a come down, was sweating throughout the night and making strange noises and today is just knackered. I've made him do stuff though and pitch in. I don't know, i just feel weird about him this morning. Edited by MNHQ

Can he stay at his parents to give you some thinking space?

He’s showing his true colours now your pregnant.

I’ve been thinking about this and actually if you are sure he’s not cheating and trust him in that side then all he’s done is go out partying and not phone. Dh and I have both separately done this over the years. Neither go out that often but when we do we are last man standing so to speak! On a recent girls weekend holiday I only rang home once a day as I was enjoying myself and with the drinks etc you just forget!

If you can be sure it was a night out extended due to coke etc then I personally wouldn’t have a huge issue. So many people take it socially - people you wouldn’t expect. You can’t go to a toilet bar in a club anywhere in city centre without seeing it. I’m not excusing it but having a blow out of a weekend shouldn’t necessarily mean divorce or they’d be no families left!

In terms of sleeping are you sure he wasn’t just still out in a bar - I live in a village and even a couple of our bars are open til 6am?

Gosh having twins seems like such a bad omen. So many of these MN threads involve twins.

I’m assuming it’s ‘maungy’ meaning being sulky and bad tempered (it’s a Yorkshire word).

It’s local dialect not an offensive word 🙄