Partner didn't come home last night

[princessconsuelabananahammock2]

He went out for a drink after work, as he normally does on a Friday, he'll usually have one and then drive home. I hadn't heard from him in a while (which is unusual as he's normally back by 6) so sent a nice message just asking him to let me know he's ok and what time he's expecting to be back. Got a reply a few hours later saying his phone was dead, he'd just charged it and that he'd be back soon. I replied saying I was going to bed. I haven't heard anything since.

I've been restless all night wondering where the hell he is. I sent a message at midnight asking him if he'd like to tell me where he is?!!?!! No reply. I'm fuming. I've got awful pregnancy sickness, I'm knackered and then this idiot decides to do this.

AIBU to think he's behaved like an absolute cock?

So he's basically saying he was too afraid to tell you'd been sniffing coke and chose to put peoples lives at risk instead by choosing to drive after not only drinking heavily but while on coke too?

It's makes no sense, surely if he's afraid if your reaction to taking coke, he'd be even. Ore afraid of your reaction to driving while taking it too and if his situation was genuine he'd have stayed at his friends?

Is his mate as irresponsible too? Cos if he is telling the truth he's implying he has friends who don't stop him driving while drunk and high. If someone left my house in that state intending to drive I'd be at the very least contacting someone they live with so I'd know they were gone, probably should be calling the police to be honest as it's dangerous thing to do.

Poor you, how stressful.
Don't make any rash decisions. Be clear with him that he be needs to be honest with you going forwards - lying is harder to accept than the rest (in my opinion). You have a lot going on so give him the opportunity to make things right and see what happens next. It's easy for people to say he cheated etc but you don't know that, accept what he says and tell him that you trust him but he's not making it easy.
Taking drugs occasionally isn't making him a bad person, I would have a problem with the lying.
I hope you feel better on the morning. X

Document this behaviour with dates, times, description. Have a bag packed ready with paperwork passport etc. Suggest counselling as a min and he may need support with alcoholism.

Do you know his friends? Can you cross check with them or their girlfriends?His story with the coke sounds believable.

Driving home and sleeping in the car sounds ridiculous. Why not stay at his friends? He would have been freezing. And risking losing his licence. Or killing someone.

It's possible it's true. Just because he cheated once doesn't mean he has this time.

But I would be on high alert. Checking his phone is probably pointless. If it's a ONS there is unlikely to be a record in his phone.

I would struggle to trust him again. If he did another disappearing act then I would leave.

But his behaviour is pretty shitty.

YANBU, my ex used to pull this stuff a lot, particularly when I was pregnant.

When people start taking coke they can carry on for hours and hours and usually struggle to sleep. It's highly unlikely he was able to sleep at midnight in a cold car.
More likely he just carried on taking it for longer than that with his mates as time would have just slipped away.
Its appalling behaviour but not indicative of cheating at all without any other signs or red flags.

Op... get him to take a std test and yourself too as id hate for you pass anything onto your twins. Think careful about if you want to be with a man who sleeps with someone whilst partner is pregnant. Maybe good thing you not married. Have you protected youself financially. Whos name house in. Hugs op you deserve someone who doesnt treat you like this. Just try and relax for now x

Drove back about midnight? Yeah right.

Taking coke all evening but oooh it's getting late lads, let's wrap it up, I should get back as I'm a family man. Ooops I'm wrecked, I'm so scaaaared, I'll stay in the car as I know how much I've messed up, poor, caring, impulsive me.

You don't have a coke-fuelled evening then wrap it up for midnight. He was there all night partying. Simple.

How pregnant are you? :(

I'm sorry you are in a relationship with a drug user , this is not a great start for your twins. You're going to have to be tough for them, please ditch the loser.

No way did he sleep in his car.

If he’d been having a coke sesh, it would have been hard enough to sleep even with a comfy bed and a couple of Valium.

So I’ve heard.

Either way, if his story is true or not its a shit move on his half. Whether you are pregnant or not he clearly only thinks of himself, and makes poor life choices. I personally wouldnt believe his story, something seems iffy about it. Although im going from oast experiences from an ex who also had this behaviour and turned out he cheated on me more than once. You need to go with your gut instinct.

If you’re not happy with it then make him aware. But also have some time to yourself, ask him to leave the home for abit or go and stay at a friends/parents for a week. Make him sweat. Make him know you’re serious about this behaviour and will not tolerate it. Its a major red flag fairly early in. Have a week to yourself, have some rest and selfcare. Do some evaluating. What is it you want? Do you trust him? Is it worth getting past this or is this the start of a timeline of occasional shit behaviour from him? Dont just stay around because you’re pregnant. Have some respect for yourself because he doesnt x

Oh what an awful, awful situation to be in his actions are absolutely vile and his story really doesn't add up and the fact that he's admitted to taking coke but does seem to be lying about the rest implies that he has done something far worse. It is horrible for you, and your daughter too; but please for the sake of you and your children think about whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with someone who Is so selfish, irresponsible and clearly has a major lack of respect for you and his children - and anyone he could have harmed while driving under the influence. It's hard but being a single parent is so much easier than staying in a relationship with a person who can't be trusted and thinks nothing of lying/minimising his actions to protect himself.

I don't believe he slept in his car. When he first got back he told me he fell sleep at his mates house. When he'd slept and I grilled him he said he'd slept in his car. I think he either fell sleep or was on the sesh all night and then drove back. I've gone apeshit at him tonight. Told him that he shouldn't be getting complacent because I don't NEED him and I'm not prepared to settle for a relationship that involves someone taking drugs and showing such disrespect, I've done it before and I absolutely will not do it again.

Thing is he's a good man usually, couldn't do enough for me and my girls, is a generally a good dad and goes above and beyond for his own, would do anything for me. Perhaps he does have an issue. I don't believe he's cheated. I have full access to his phone, id find out and he knows it.

This honestly is the first time he's ever done this. It's pathetic.

Well either he’s telling the truth or he’s not. But either way that’d be a deal breaker for me I wouldn’t want to settle for either scenario. Protect your children, current and to come

Still saying 'dump him'. He's not s good dad at all. He prioritised coke and drink over his child and his pregnant partner.

I think you need to scare the shit out of him, message him and tell him that the doctor has diagnosed you with high blood pressure and you may need to be hospitalised if your stress levels do not improve.
My husband was a total knob at times when our kids were young and now he is actually an adult (54) yes it takes some men that long, he regrets many things.Bullshit him and see what happens, because at the end of the day this sort of behaviour is not acceptable when you are pregnant and can cause serious health issues, see it as you protecting yourself and your baby, tell him you are really worried for your health etc just do it casually and see what happens..........

Oh FFS why is it always men who pull this shit?????

There's no way he slept in his car. My guess is he was up taking cocaine until 7 this morning then drive home, that is what the drug does to you.

Do you know why his ex is his ex???

Are you aware of previous drug use on his part

Thing is he's a good man usually, couldn't do enough for me and my girls, is a generally a good dad and goes above and beyond for his own, would do anything for me

So presumably the same as your ex was to start with, or you wouldn't have been with him either.

There's no way he slept in his car, I think he drove home after taking the Coke this morning I'm afraid. Really irresponsible.

he is generally a good dad

Wtaf? My DH is a good dad. Full. Stop. Why is "generally" good enough for your soon to arrive twins???

He's not a good man. No good man leaves his pregnant partner home alone all night without a call. No good man drives while drunk or on drugs. No good man lies about sleeping in his car (because that must be a lie - if nothing else sleeping after a coke session is near impossible even in a comfy bed). No good man spins lies and bullshit to cover their unforgivable behaviour.
Being pregnant makes you vulnerable and dependant and he's banking on that shit

He is obviously full of shit OP, no way has he slept in the car let's face it and I'm not willing to buy that good dads/good people disappear on drug benders and go AWOL, causing worry for their partners, nor do they neglect their parenting responsibilities the next day. Would do anything for you- other than not take drugs (what sort of person endangers their life when they have children), doesn't text you back when he knows you are worried , doesn't come home, lies to your face and has very possibly cheated.

There is no point threatening that you won't put up with it if you just technically have.

What a moron he's been OP

I mean I have actually slept in my car before Tbf

@user1494621907 having been through similar I agree.

They need a shock. He needs a big massive kick and to see it’s affecting his unborn baby.

However there is a darker note, that this could be the start of longer term abuse.