To still be pissed off how I (and so many other women) are treated before/after birth?

[LyndzB]

How I was treated in hospital before and after the birth of my child still gets to me.

Things like...

1.when I'd had an epidural from a 3rd degree tear, I rang the nurses button for help. A nurse told me off and said I should've walked to reception as I wasn't ill. I had to explain I'd had an epidural.

1. Lying in blood stained sheets for 4 days, kept asking for fresh so I could change myself

1. Waiting 5 hours after birth for some food and water - couldn't move due to epidural

1. Being told my son was in NICU and they needed his vests. I had several bags with me and I couldn't for the life of me remember which one had vests in. I still couldn't move and the nurse got annoyed that I didn't know where they were. I'd just been told at that point he was in NICU and was worried sick.

I've read stories from women far worse than mine.

We just seem to accept it. Me included. I think we just want to get out, move on and enjoy our babies. But in the meantime nothing changes. I only see it getting worse.

The hard part is, it's difficult to criticise as I don't want to be seen criticising the nhs. I love the nhs. It's a wonderful invention. I know it's a funding issue and that nurses and doctors and porters and all staff are working so hard.

And I'm sure many women do have good experiences (as much as you can delivering a baby!)

I suppose I just want things to change for the better. I don't know where to start. And maybe it's just too much to ask for little old me!

Anyone else feel this way?

4 kids here. 3 in hospital. Won't go into details as it would be a bloody best selling novel. One at home. Home birth was amazing. Hospital was shit. By the 4th though you would think they would listen to you. Nope. They said no you won't be having that baby for a few hours. I said it will be 20 minutes. 15 minutes later she was half way out. Midwife had to catch her.

Also by the 4th baby you are braver and tell them how shit they are being but in a diplomatic way. .. also PALS is the only way forward. It shouldn't be like this. My dh also echoes the notion that if it was men giving birth then there would be no issues

So many wards now allow partners to stay over so they can help. For me that’s not only a nightmare because who wants someone’s husband snoring at 3am, but because it gets into a vicious circle. There’s less staff so you bring a partner to help... then they assume there are partners so there is even less staff

I was told by one midwife that in China, women give birth by the roadside and then go straight back to work in the rice fields...thanks for that love.

Her opinion is that childbirth is a natural process and women need to shut up.

I had a friend who was was told “you aren’t important, the baby is” several times by maternity staff.

It’s all a bit Handmaid’s Tale..

A dreadful thread - but sadly all too common. Having had a number of hospital stays it has to be said that appalling and frankly ignorant care appears to be located in maternity and elderly care. I've seen fantastic care in coronary wards, oncology , intensive care, high dependency units and gynaecology.
BUT my own experience of maternity wards was shameful, brutal and at times dangerous care. Sadly I suspect the situation here is reflected elsewhere in the NHS:
www.theguardian.com/society/2019/nov/19/leaked-report-exposes-nhs-worst-ever-maternity-scandal-shrewsbury-and-telford-hospital-trust

I often wonder what the point of all the antenatal clinic appointments and scans are when you are treated so badly before, during and after birth.

YANBU at all. While I think the vast majority of NHS staff are great- supportive, hardworking and very good at what they do, some are cranky arseholes- but that’s true of people in general.

When I had my 2nd baby I went from 2 to 10cm in an instant when my waters went. I won’t lie, I was hysterical. It felt like I’d been ripped in half and I was terrified so yeah I was sobbing and howling in agony. One Midwife screamed in my face to “shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!” Which I did. Thank god she then passed me onto another MW who very calmly delivered my baby 7 minutes later safe and sound.

I didn’t make a formal complaint in the end although I was adamant I would at the time. I just wanted to forget about it and try to move on.

Imagine a midwife screaming at you to shut up! That’s appalling.

If I screamed in the faces of my class of 6 year olds to shut up I would quite rightly be disciplined.

I have no doubt that the PND I had was triggered by the poor treatment I received in hospital.
I had been pushing for hours, bitch midwife said I wasn’t trying hard enough, and to stop making silly noises. Her examinations became rough, she put me on a drip to strengthen contraction, I said they were strong enough already.
Eventually bullied into having drip, the contractions then became unbearable, then during one contractions she roughly examined me again, To this day I don’t know how I managed it but I hit her and told her to get off me, his resulted in the drip feed coming out of my hand, blood on floor.

A doctor came in and asked why was there blood on the floor?I was taken to theatre.

Yes also crappy after care, staff seemed miserable and were hard faced.

With my first baby I was treated so horribly in hospital I feel quite sad looking back and wish I had had the strength to complain at the time.

I was in hospital for 4 days before the birth being induced, then had a fairly hairy emergency c-section and blood transfusions and was quite unwell. There was absolutely no care either on the antenatal or postnatal wards beyond the very basic medical stuff. The midwives were ALL rude, gruff, impatient and in a few cases, actually negligent. I won’t bore on with all the gory details, but it was hellish and it took me years to get over.

I was in hospital for 5 days afterwards and was supposed to be staying another two days, but I checked myself out as I couldn’t bear it anymore. I think the way I was treated massively contributed to my PND. When I think of it, I am still aghast that paid professionals could behave so appallingly as the staff at that hospital.

My second birth was a lot better, and although it was another big, busy London hospital, the culture there was obviously really different, as the midwives were lovely and I felt that I actually gave a shit. It made a huge difference to how I felt and those first few days of bonding with my baby. I still feel angry I didn’t get that experience with my firstborn.

When I lived in London I started putting money away every month for years and years in case I ever had a baby, so I could go private. That’s how bad my friend’s stories were. I didn’t even have a boyfriend but I was still saving money just in case I got pregnant and gave birth

I was treated nicely as an NHS patient in non maternity services.

Day case removal of wisdom tooth. Friendly nurses, given oramorph in recovery - compared to women getting paracetamol after a Caesarian! Nurse made me tea and brought me a yogurt. Wheeled me to the loo in case I felt faint! Given codeine to take home with me.

Colonoscopy under sedation so I didn’t feel much or remember it. Very nice nurses. They made me tea and toast after.

It didn’t cost anything for those to provide a reassuring word or gesture or to be friendly and caring.

Yet maternity services can’t provide clean bathrooms, nice staff, tea or toast when needed. Or adequate pain relief.

🤷🏻‍♀️

Iv heard so many bad things too. When I had dd, the midwives I had during labour we're all fantastic. Had a pretty awful birth and ended up on a ward afterwards, felt bloody awful. Had an epidural so couldn't get up. Dh had to ask someone to empty my piss bag (can't remember the name ). Was left on a bloody bed pad for a whole day. They forgot about me at dinner time hadn't eaten anything for a day so I was starving. Had a bit of a panic when I suddenly felt like I had to poo but it was incredibly painful and nothing was coming out. Dh got a nurse and told her there was a lot of blood she just laughed and said of course there is a lot of blood. Tbf there was nothing wrong I was just panicking. Had a lot of stitches and thought I was going to rip them open. Wanted me to stay a second night, I refused. Then a few weeks post partum realised my bits had not healed right and I basically had 2 holes instead of one visited a specialist who booked me in to be restitched. She asked me if I had tried to have sex to see if that resolved the issue, ummm no don't fancy ripping my bits. So she prescribed me numbing cream so that I could have sex and basically hope that rips me. Obv I didn't do that, how on earth she thought that was acceptable il never know. She performed the restitching and it was awful, she was so uncareful and uncaring, she managed to pinch a very sensative area with her scissor handles

Her opinion is that childbirth is a natural process and women need to shut up.
There is a lot of that 'childbirth as a natural process' crap around isn't there.
It's also a natural process for lots of women to die in childbirth. I was in a life threatening condition for a while even with modern medicine. It is a health risk. That's why we have care. It's rare in any society, past and present, that women are told to shut up and sort themselves out through childbirth.

I really think people on this thread should start naming hospitals. It's absolutely terrifying. I can relate to the stories of midwives not seeming to care that my baby was in NICU and i was on the post natal ward with pre-eclampsia. The next birth is going to be in a different hospital; at my last checkup DH was asking where NICU is in relation to the ward just so we're prepared this time!
What experiences do people have with Addenbrookes, Cambridge? ELCS due in march.

First ds I had an emcs due to a failed induction. I was nbm for just under 36 hours as I waited a full 12 hours for more urgent emergencies to be done first (very understandably) and had ds at 6.30pm, dh left at 8pm, and I was by myself on pn Ward. Ds couldn't feed due to a severe tongue tie which was diagnosed fortunately the following day, by which time he was also very jaundiced. I had zero feeding support.

Second ds aftercare from elcs was a complete and utter nightmare. Four women plus their families crammed in to a tiny ward, the noise from constant phone calls 24/7, televisions, visiting children (the woman opposite had 3 older siblings dropped off in the morning and they stayed all day whilst her partner left them there and caused complete and utter chaos, rummaging through my bags whilst I couldn't get up, swearing at me when I asked them to stop). And then I was called inconsiderate by the midwife because my bed had accidentally slid over to the side of the bay when I was trying to get myself in it. Ds2 was born with very poor sickle reflex and again a tongue tie, again zero feeding support. And easily the most uncomfortable and stressful 2 days of my life.

Sorry if this has already been said as I haven't managed to read the whole thread yet, but I think that because midwives are around birth and all of it so much its like they can become desensitised to the impact it can all have on each woman. Not to say all midwives are like that but I distinctly remember in hospital after having DD, it had been a near 24 hour labour, I hadn't slept and was having trouble feeding DD. I buzzed the midwife for help as was close to tears with pain and exhaustion, she just tutted rolled her eyes and said I wasn't holding DDs head in the right way and that's why she wasn't feeding, like as a first time mum I should of just already known it all. It made me feel so much worse, midwives should have a kind reminder that just because they see/do things everyday, for a lot of women they deal with its all new and scary

I've had three children and I have graves disease I didnt always get treated well my son had testicle pain he got red carded through a&e a doctor check him over two surgeons a specialist and they wanted a follow up at bch asap my dr thought that was overkill and unless he had more pain he would be fine

A few weeks after I gave birth and had an operation to remove the placenta I was in agony take a couple of paracetamol it's just after pains I was still bleeding heavily too I was told I would be fine then I passed part of the umbilical cord they had missed weeks earlier told the dr they said oh that's fine call me if anything else occurs 🤷‍♀️

See the difference? I sure did

With ds1 I had a similar experience to some of you. Uncaring midwives, told off for things going wrong, left not knowing whether our baby was ok for hours. Thankfully he was and 5 days later he left NICU.

With ds2 we had a termination for medical reasons and our care was brilliant (even though they were rushed off their feet) but there was no baby at the end of it so it doesn't really matter.

It does seem complete luck as to who you get and what the situation is when you get there.

You poor ladies who went through these awful experiences x

These stories are so sad and so appalling. I'm so sorry for all of you who have gone through some bad and traumatic experiences.
I am not from the UK - is it really standard for women who have just given birth either naturally or csection to be expected to walk
somewhere for their food?? Is tea and toast not the norm after having the baby?

12 years since I was in, 5 days post ELCS at 43 (!) weeks.
My son is an only child. I can't even think of going back and doing it again.
I had PND that lead to me needing 24hr care (at home because the mother and baby unit only had 4 beds!) for weeks. Probably borderline PTSD.
I can't read this whole thread, this is my third attempt and I'm giving up now.

Oh yes, and I'm coeliac, they knew before I went in, they couldn't feed me anything but jacket potatoes and 'meat juice'.
My post-birth tea and toast was delivered as crackers and cheese. I ate the cheese at least.

Such awful experiences- mine wasn't as bad as some on here but the post natal Ward was disgusting and dirty with the radiators on in July! Apparently they couldn't turn them off

They worked out how to do that once I rang their press office and told them I'd call the Daily Mail as they love stories about waste and incompetence in the public sector (I'm public sector).

@04Thankyouuniverse

I think it varies a lot. At my hospital the norm is for tea and toast (or a meal the midwives cooked and brought in) and all meals are served at the bedside. And as long as they aren't full, if you feel you need extra time you can (and people do take them up on that). There are some niggles, but it's generally excellent.

But nationwide its more hit and miss, and some units seem awful. Like with most things, people talk about the bad more than the good, so its difficult to know just how big a problem is, but one awful unit is too many.

@Biggobyboo they said that to me too, about chinese ladies giving birth while working in paddy fields. As justification that I was making a fuss over nothing!
Get up! Get your own toast! Stop being silly!

On reflection I bet China has excellent healthcare. Mean nonsense.