To still be pissed off how I (and so many other women) are treated before/after birth?

[LyndzB]

How I was treated in hospital before and after the birth of my child still gets to me.

Things like...

1.when I'd had an epidural from a 3rd degree tear, I rang the nurses button for help. A nurse told me off and said I should've walked to reception as I wasn't ill. I had to explain I'd had an epidural.

1. Lying in blood stained sheets for 4 days, kept asking for fresh so I could change myself

1. Waiting 5 hours after birth for some food and water - couldn't move due to epidural

1. Being told my son was in NICU and they needed his vests. I had several bags with me and I couldn't for the life of me remember which one had vests in. I still couldn't move and the nurse got annoyed that I didn't know where they were. I'd just been told at that point he was in NICU and was worried sick.

I've read stories from women far worse than mine.

We just seem to accept it. Me included. I think we just want to get out, move on and enjoy our babies. But in the meantime nothing changes. I only see it getting worse.

The hard part is, it's difficult to criticise as I don't want to be seen criticising the nhs. I love the nhs. It's a wonderful invention. I know it's a funding issue and that nurses and doctors and porters and all staff are working so hard.

And I'm sure many women do have good experiences (as much as you can delivering a baby!)

I suppose I just want things to change for the better. I don't know where to start. And maybe it's just too much to ask for little old me!

Anyone else feel this way?

I am very happy I am not having a baby now. The stories I have read these last few years is quite disgusting. When I had my boy 24 years ago I was given toast and tea while still on the birthing table as was shaky. I had a bath run for me and lots of fabulous attention. When i had my daughter she was taken away the second night so i could have a proper sleep. Plus there was loads of ready made formula and baby gowns. Why is it so bad now???? When I went home after 5 days I had the midwife visit for 10 days then the Health Visitor on the 11th day. If a Mother had an cesarean she had proper help in hospital and was cared for for up to 11 days. She certainly wasnt allowed to lift and move much to aid recovery. Its quite appalling now. Oh just remembered we actually shown in the hospital after delivery how to bath a baby by the Matron!

Partners/Husbands were also not allowed to stay overnight and could visit in the afternoon. Two visitors at a time and this was monitored. This meant we had a good sleep/rest and a quiet morning with baby.

I posted my story earlier in this thread wow how sad it is so many people have similar stories to me. I wonder if anyone has actually dropped there baby after a c section ...them hospital floors are really hard that would cause serious injury to a newborn or death.

When I go to my birth reflections il be talking to them about how bad it is we are expected to lift dress and feed our babies after emcs barely able to move , it’s disgusting really.

I think getting rid of the direct entry courses would definitely assist. They have no nursing skills so no idea how to look after post-surgical patients (or interest)

Nurse here. Sometimes poor care comes down to the individual culture of one ward. Underfunding plays something of a role (even with rudeness), but it's not ok and you should complain. Complaints are really instrumental in improving services.

Fwiw I don't think maternity services as a whole are terrible. I had a rough labour ending in a EMCS and generally had excellent care with lots of support post-delivery to look after baby and establish feeding. I had low expectations of my local hospital and was surprised. I overheard lots of families being rude to staff, though!

Oh... I’ve read this thread again and just had a flash back. I tore with my first but to the front. I remember screaming “get the fuck off me!” To the midwife trying to stitch me up around my clitoris. Jesus Christ, that bitch just kept on, and I told her I’d kick her in the fucking face if she didn’t stop. And then and only then, did she go and someone else came in with some local anaesthetic.

I mean the wtf. I really would’ve kicked the bitch too. Oh lord more painful than actual birth.

. If a Mother had an cesarean she had proper help in hospital and was cared for for up to 11 days. She certainly wasnt allowed to lift and move much to aid recovery

That wasn't my experience. Son not by emcs 25 years ago as i had pre eclampsia. He was in NICU and I was on the ward. As soon as I was allowed up I was expected to be self caring, take myself 4 floors down to scbu to visit baby, was discharged on day 5 and got told off by midwives for crying rather than trying to express milk for the baby. Absolutely zero care given to me.

EnlightenedOwl Mon 25-Nov-19 11:28:14
I think getting rid of the direct entry courses would definitely assist. They have no nursing skills so no idea how to look after post-surgical patients (or interest)
...........
I agree with that, midwives used to train as a nurse before training to be a midwife.

If men had babies, maternity wards would be like 5 star hotels compared to what happens now.

@Bluewavescrashing I couldn’t agree more. And they’d be in there weeks, all with private rooms, nice menus of food, en-suite bathrooms and great care!!

They are I prepaid and understaffed doing a very stressful job.

I had a real mixed bag. More positive than negative but some of our poor treatment was terrible. No complaints at all with my first two sons. This baby went like this:

12 week scan - great. Friendly sonographer.

20 week scan - terrible. Told baby had a mass on his lungs and was likely incompatible with life. Given a leaflet on terminating for medical reasons and sent home to await an appointment with a specialist to further diagnose the condition. Heard nothing for two weeks.

Follow up: nurses sympathetic but didn’t know what the condition was. Advised I would probably have to terminate and ideally needed to decide that day. I pushed for a further option as I had read studies and joined a support group which had positive outcomes. Sent for an MRI the next day.

MRI: fantastic. Specialist in fetal medicine confirmed his diagnoses, confirmed it wasn’t fatal or terminal and was really helpful, caring and sympathetic. I am still in contact with her now.

Induction: staff were great but induction took a week as there were no delivery beds and NICU costs available at the same time.

Delivery: faultless. Midwifes were amazingly kind.

Post labour: Mainly good except for one midwife who told me I needed to toughen up as I had a long road ahead of me with a very sick baby (I cried as my newborn was whisked out of my arms and taken to NICU for oxygen at 16 hours old - he’s also not a very sick baby)

Currently still under care as Baby needs to have his lower right lobe removed. Other than that he’s completely healthy!

YANBU.
I had the most excellent care for an EMCS, with well thought through decisions and in a hospital that allowed every woman a spare bed for their partner to sleep on next to them overnihhg, in fact it was encouraged that husbands stayed.
It horrified me that not every woman gets this sort of treatment and I look back with such fondness at my labour (even though it was 72 hours ending in an EMCS)

I don't think I really had any postnatal care with either of mine even though they were both emergency sections.

Dc1 went to NICU. For the first 9 hours they let me believe that that was in the Children's hospital about a 10 minute walk in the same complex because apparently they were too short staffed to take me. No one updated me on his progress. I was just meant to sleep. I sat and cried in a ward full of snoring women with their crying babies all night.

Next day I found NICU. Didn't realise that I was meant to go back for painkillers and food though so didn't get any of either for 3 days. I was a suicidal mess but they didn't know where I was, it was just assumed I was in NICU (I wasn't always as I just felt so shit, like it was my fault that he was there, that I couldn't keep him safe/couldn't give birth to him). I was just wandering around in a dream becoming increasily paranoid.

When I did return to the ward I was honest about how I felt, questioning whether or not dc was real. I'd also had flashbacks to a previous traumatic event during my emcs and everything was becoming muddled and scary. It went down in my notes as baby blues even though they put in a referal to peri-natal mental health.

On day 3 they discharged me with a baby I thought wasn't mine. Dh essentially had to spend the next 6 months working from keeping an eye on me. Luckily his employers were amazing.

That was almost 5 years ago. I ended up with a diagnosis of postpartum psychosis, pnd and pstd. I still have nightmares where my original non childbirth related trauma gets mixed with his arrival.

Dc2 was a much better experience but I had zero help looking after her at all despite her being another emcs. Luckily I didn't need any, could easily get up/move about as soon as the spinal wore off and because I'd found out accidently it didn't hurt the first time, didn't take any drugs. We escaped the following day.

I had post partum psychosis after the birth of my son and not one of the midwives nor the doctor on the recovery ward did anything. I was screaming and crying because I was so confused... I didnt recognise anyone, I thought my baby was made of rubber and it was a cruel joke and we were on a tv show... I could hear everyone whispering but they weren't whispering... apparently I kept shouting at my husband that I didnt know who he was or what he was saying (when he hadn't been speaking)
A midwife came and told me to stop crying apparently... my husband tried to tell them something wasnt right but was told I was just tired and it was normal. They then asked him to leave because it was time for visitors to go... thankfully he didnt leave because honestly I think idve just thrown my son on the ground or something because I was sure he wasnt mine... I'm terrified when I think how badly my just being left there couldve gone... there were hardly any staff so idve been left unattended for long periods God knows what idve done.... in the end my husband got me dressed and said he was taking me home with him (my parents were staying with us to help so he knew thered be someone to watch me 24/7) and they were so hostile about it apparently... but then the next day the midwife was supposed to come and see me at home and never turned up... he had to ring round to get anyone to visit and no one knew who i was even!
I didnt actually get diagnosed with PPP until a week later when I had to go in with infected stitches and the doctor there immediately realised I'd gone loops...
I get so sad thinking about it because I cant even really remember the first weeks of my sons life.. I was so Ill I couldn't even eat.. food tasted like ash.. I kept thinking I should kill us both it was horrific....and that initial treatment in the recovery ward was so dismissive and hostile, like I should just pull myself together... I feel like I internalised that and it made it even harder to recover because it made it harder to communicate... I thought no one wanted to hear it and no one would help me... it really slowed down my recovery...

When i had my daughter it couldn't have been more different.. the care i received was excellent and i didnt have PPP again. The contrast made me realise quite how shoddy the care i received with my son was...

And often when women request a c-section they’re lectured on the fact it is ‘major abdominal surgery’ and a ‘very difficult/painful recovery’ yet women who have had a caesarean are expected to just ‘get on with it’ because having a baby isn’t an illness and there’s so reason for them not to be able to do what any other fit healthy person can do 🙄

I know that midwives and HCAs are highly trained and very busy.
But on the ward I was in they seemed to have plenty of breaks as well. I just don't understand how they could sit gossiping and drinking coffee when the toilet and shower were essentially like an abbatoir - putting women at risk of infection.
I realise it's not their job but how hard would it be to spend two minutes chucking around a little bit of bleach and sloshing some water around in if it looks a health risk between cleans. I know for sure that I would bother to do that - if I had a moment even if it wasn't my specific job. Of course I realise on many wards staff are so run off their feet they barely get a chance to even sit down and cleaning is quite understandably very far down the list.

nicky7654 I had my first child 28 years ago, and I remember being shown how to Bath baby, and wash hair, in fact my new son was the model for the show haahaa as he had the best head of hair on the ward.

But I had a relatively easy birth, but straight after I was wheeled to a bathroom and just left there to get on with bathing myself, even though I could hardly walk, I had immense difficulty having this blood bath !!! And my then husband just went home to drink champagne with MIL, didn’t even stay to help !!! I was so angry with him the next day when he came to see me. He said the nurses said visiting time was over !!

I’m still none the wiser who is actually responsible for cleaning in hospitals if the cleaners can’t do bodily fluids and the nurses/midwives don’t do cleaning! 🤷🏻‍♀️ Not sure who cleans the visitor loos?!

We’ve come full circle from there being no certified midwives and women giving birth with a local wise woman or friend to help to the days where women were kept in hospital for 10 days after birth and babies sleeping in the nursery at night so the mother could rest.

To - being discharged 6 hours after vaginal birth and 24 hours after Caesarian!

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

These are my experiences from many years ago:

1. A Dr only talking to me whilst giving me an internal examination during being induced and having not time to talk before or after.
2. Smoking high pressure mums to be hogging the garden area so us non smoking mums no where to go.
3. Being shouted at quite aggressively during birth of first child.
4. Lovely sponge wash from midwife after birth of first child.
5. After 3 days of inducing and 16 hour labour, not being allowed to have my curtains round my bed on the ward and a much needed sleep.
6. Family brought in food during the whole time as was so awful.
7. Bath dirty from other people and shower trickled out so couldnt wash hair properly. Left to sort it out when weak.

Second baby

1. Smokers were not allowed to smoke in garden.
2. Food improved.

10. Less shouty staff. 11. Bath and mum washing facilities cleaner. 12. Was allowed to sleep and offered a nursery spot if I wanted.

I had mine in the 70s, so different to today's horror stories. In hospital for 7 days after the birth, 3 lovely meals a day. The nurses took babies away to be topped and tailed twice a day. Very restricted visiting hours. Only husbands for an hour in the afternoon, other visitors 2 hours in the evening. No husbands allowed to stay at all overnight. We were so well looked after as well, so we felt refreshed by the time we all went home.

I tore with my first but to the front. I remember screaming “get the fuck off me!” To the midwife trying to stitch me up around my clitoris. Jesus Christ, that bitch just kept on, and I told her I’d kick her in the fucking face if she didn’t stop. And then and only then, did she go and someone else came in with some local anaesthetic.

I'm not a HCP but it doesn't take much to realise stitching someone with no anaesthetic is barbaric but you only hear about it happening in maternity/post natal.

If men had babies, maternity wards would be like 5 star hotels compared to what happens now.

They wouldn't be those awful fucking wards at all! They were be all private rooms with plenty of care provided and no fetch your own food and water and get yourself up and showered alone. There would never be a 'there's no anaesthetist available' or withholding any pain relief, dangerous waits for inductions, and a far fewer mismanaged labours.

I remember my older sister saying that she was stitched without anaesthetic and was told to stop making a fuss as there are no nerves in your vagina. She developed really severe PND. Really severe. She heard voices and thought social workers were hiding in her walls waiting to pounce and take her baby away so she spent days without even washing and only used the toilet when her son was sleeping at night, because she thought they would charge her with child neglect if she went for a pee.

Her experiences left me determined to never have children, although in the end I did. But I remember seeing the mess that she was after childbirth and thinking 'why would anyone want to have a baby? There is nothing good about it at all'

I was stitched without anaesthetic. No warning or anything. I nearly hit the ceiling. They wouldn't stop, just barked at me to have some gas and air.
I have 3 children and was treated appallingly antenatally with all 3, throughout 2 of their births and afterwards with all 3. I will never forget some of the things said to me.

Barbaric as it is, everyone was stitched without anaesthetic when I had mine in the mid 70s. Midwives weren’t allowed to do and my GP was called out at 4am. He complained bitterly.