To still be pissed off how I (and so many other women) are treated before/after birth?

[LyndzB]

How I was treated in hospital before and after the birth of my child still gets to me.

Things like...

1.when I'd had an epidural from a 3rd degree tear, I rang the nurses button for help. A nurse told me off and said I should've walked to reception as I wasn't ill. I had to explain I'd had an epidural.

1. Lying in blood stained sheets for 4 days, kept asking for fresh so I could change myself

1. Waiting 5 hours after birth for some food and water - couldn't move due to epidural

1. Being told my son was in NICU and they needed his vests. I had several bags with me and I couldn't for the life of me remember which one had vests in. I still couldn't move and the nurse got annoyed that I didn't know where they were. I'd just been told at that point he was in NICU and was worried sick.

I've read stories from women far worse than mine.

We just seem to accept it. Me included. I think we just want to get out, move on and enjoy our babies. But in the meantime nothing changes. I only see it getting worse.

The hard part is, it's difficult to criticise as I don't want to be seen criticising the nhs. I love the nhs. It's a wonderful invention. I know it's a funding issue and that nurses and doctors and porters and all staff are working so hard.

And I'm sure many women do have good experiences (as much as you can delivering a baby!)

I suppose I just want things to change for the better. I don't know where to start. And maybe it's just too much to ask for little old me!

Anyone else feel this way?

It makes me so angry ready these stories. Just to add mine (bearing in mind I worked in the hospital, and frequently in the obstetric theatres, not that I wanted special treatment but if they treated me like this, god knows how they treated non staff):

Midwife insisted on breaking waters despite me saying no. She was unpleasant throughout labour. She told me I had to have an epidural. Changed to a lovely midwife I knew for the last few minutes. Awful birth (posterior lie), with third degree tears. The registrar wanted a medical student to sew me up (not even a junior O & G doctor) to which I said no of course. He wasn't happy. On the ward there was no pain relief written up at all, and I had to beg for paracetamol. No help with breastfeeding, I could hardly walk, and no-one told me that I had to go to another room to find food so I went without for more than a day.

The whole thing was so traumatic that if I ever drove past the obstetric unit, I had to turn my head away as seeing the building brought back too many distressing memories. You're so vulnerable when giving birth, it's almost impossible to stand up for yourself, I think that's why so many of us have such awful stories.

So many barbaric and heartbreaking stories. I'm sorry for what you've been subjected to.

Keeping that's horrendous.

This is awful to read. My first experience was awful (name and shame Homerton in hackney)

I am now pregnant and having a home birth. I’ll get much better care this way.

Reading this makes me think mumsnet should start a campaign. Respectful treatment during labour shouldn’t be too much to ask and recognising the mother is a recovering patient and should be helped to recover.

If my babies have children of their own I'll offer to advocate for them. I honestly wonder if this whole "it's between the Mum and Dad" idea is pushed so that the Mum has less support and is more compliant.
My husband was very reluctant to speak up for me and I think a lot of men feel it's not "their place" or are just clueless, never having been in that position themselves.

GinUnicorn I totally agree that something needs to be done to bring all of this to people's attention and for it to change. I'm currently 23 weeks pregnant with DC3 and reading all of this thread has seriously made me think a home birth is best

If we have a second DC, I will have to go privately again.

Too many stories of cruel/indifferent midwives, dirty wards, no pain relief, women being told to clean their own blood up etc.

And the whole Caesarian business...

@Gangrenethatmightwork, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

I remember a woman saying she didn’t want her partner on the antenatal ward with her; she wanted her mum. Her request was turned down flat. I wonder why.

My husband was very reluctant to speak up for me and I think a lot of men feel it's not "their place" or are just clueless, never having been in that position themselves.

I don't think it's that I felt it wasn't my place, more that I felt powerless - you ask the nurses for something for your wife, and they are the ones you presume to be expert in their craft. I had to be relentless. My DW had an infection post EMCS and was in agonising pain and unable to walk, and after the first 2 times of the nurses not getting her pain meds after I asked, I went and asked a 3rd midwife and she said the same 'sure i'll get it and bring it over in a minute' and this time i said 'ok' and followed her everywhere, until she went to the medicine cupboard, instead of going back to my wife's bedside and waiting for another 15 minutes. I had to make myself a pain in the neck to get things done for my wife - even changing the sheets, after asking them to change her sheets several times, nothing happened so I asked if I could change them and they told me no. In the end, I just went to the laundry cupboard and picked up some sheets and changed them. It is an unnerving sort of experience to directly go against the instructions of people you have trusted to perform such intimate care previously.

It's really something to overcome that feeling of trust and implicit expectation that the nurses know what they're doing, and that you shouldn't be telling them what to do, because it is so far outside of your own expertise or experience. I dunno. I hated it, I hated every damn minute of that ward.

I agree I mean I do love we have the NHS and I'm grateful. But clearly some nurses are nicer than others or maybe they are over worked and in a bad mood but it's still not your fault obviously but they are human. Some are rude though. I was in tears by one nurse. Then the next so so lovely. I had a c section so had to stay in second time round natural birth and couldn't get out quick enough! Sorry you had a bad experience

Read the article in today’s Daily Mail about the hospital in Shrewsbury.

I don’t believe this issue just relates to that hospital.

If the UK has one of the worst maternal/newborn death rates in Western Europe, this must be more widespread. I was nearly one of those mothers myself.