To still be pissed off how I (and so many other women) are treated before/after birth?

[LyndzB]

How I was treated in hospital before and after the birth of my child still gets to me.

Things like...

1.when I'd had an epidural from a 3rd degree tear, I rang the nurses button for help. A nurse told me off and said I should've walked to reception as I wasn't ill. I had to explain I'd had an epidural.

1. Lying in blood stained sheets for 4 days, kept asking for fresh so I could change myself

1. Waiting 5 hours after birth for some food and water - couldn't move due to epidural

1. Being told my son was in NICU and they needed his vests. I had several bags with me and I couldn't for the life of me remember which one had vests in. I still couldn't move and the nurse got annoyed that I didn't know where they were. I'd just been told at that point he was in NICU and was worried sick.

I've read stories from women far worse than mine.

We just seem to accept it. Me included. I think we just want to get out, move on and enjoy our babies. But in the meantime nothing changes. I only see it getting worse.

The hard part is, it's difficult to criticise as I don't want to be seen criticising the nhs. I love the nhs. It's a wonderful invention. I know it's a funding issue and that nurses and doctors and porters and all staff are working so hard.

And I'm sure many women do have good experiences (as much as you can delivering a baby!)

I suppose I just want things to change for the better. I don't know where to start. And maybe it's just too much to ask for little old me!

Anyone else feel this way?

My DDad had a double heart bypass and staff managed to bring him his meals over the course of his three week stay. My FIL has had both knees replaced, and despite early and sustained mobilisation being a key part of recovery, he wasn't told to get up and fetch his own dinner during either stay. In fact the only place I've ever heard of this happening is to women in postnatal wards. I don't buy it.

@Ticecream - if you were paralyzed from the chest down would you not have choked on the food anyway? my friend who had the c-section was told to wait until the effects wore off before getting food for that reason. She did still have her catheter in when she came down to get her toast.

She had been prepared beforehand though - local NCT classes are good and highly localized to the specific MLU. They even told her to bring her own food and her DH had put it in a bag hanging from the bed before he left so she wasn’t starving.

if you were paralyzed from the chest down would you not have choked on the food anyway? my friend who had the c-section was told to wait until the effects wore off before getting food for that reason.

More BS! You will not choke on your food, wow, they really spin women some lies to cover up the fact that the 'care' is barbaric.

it was explained to both of them that the reason they make women in the ward get their own food, is to encourage them to keep moving and prevent blood clots

So why isn't this standard practice on other wards? Why is it just postnatal women who are expected to look after themselves after major surgery?

I've never been made to feel like such a worthless piece of shit as I did after both my c sections. Is it so outrageous to ask for a bit of help when you've just had twins and you can't actually move your legs?

@ImGoingToBangYourHeadsTogether

7 days in hospital is not what people want or need. They need the care to get them well, healthy and home ASAP.

My first birth I was discriminated against due to being young and was eye rolled and tutted at. I told them I was pushing a baby out and had yeah yeah sort of responses until they realised I was telling the truth.

My second birth in July. Honestly I dont think I will ever get over it. Brought in for pain relief, took 6 hours despite us reminding every hour or so. She said she kept forgetting. Labouring on a silent ward full of women who were not in labour with men laughing and heckling in the bays. Offering to pay for an empty private room an declining. Refused gas and air for examinations. Declined examinations until I could have gas and air and told I was being a pain. 8 hours pushing stage and I wasnt believed. They told me I couldnt be pushing and to stop being silly. My midwife sat at the end of my bed huffing and puffing at me because I wasnt listening to her telling me to use gas and air when she said. My baby was back to back and malpositioned meaning he would never come out no matter how hard I tried. I pushed non stop for 8 hours and my baby had a heart rate of 180 on and off for that whole time. I begged them to listen to me and I was ignored. I told my husband I needed a c section and to go and find someone who would listen and they threatened to remove him via security if he went and 'harassed' staff. Eventually rushed into emergency c section where the staff where amazing, will never forget how kind they were. Could not get myself in a position for spinal but told my husband to pick me up and put me how they wanted me because I needed it over. After was ok. Midwives on recovery lovely. Went to ward and told I had a pressure sore (I did not) and was put on one of those pump up and down beds which made it a 100 times harder to get out of.
My baby cried all night and the man in the bay next to me was complaining my baby was keeping him awake. I tried to leave the ward to go to the pharmacy downstairs to buy a dummy in desperation and was told my baby wasnt allowed to leave the ward. Requested to come off of the pump up and down bed and they noted I didn't have a pressure sure and said someone would do it and no one ever did. I asked consistently because it was waking me, baby and the whole ward up and I genuinely could barely get myself out of bed.

The next morning my midwife came to find me to apologise for not listening to me and made a joke about how I must of known better than her.

Was offered peppermint tea for wind and then waited 8 hours in agony for it. Had not slept for 3 days, was in excruciating pain and refused morphine. When I asked she responded 'I'm not giving you morphine' and expected that to be it. Kept going out to hallway and the staff pretending they couldnt see me , listening to them degrade women on the ward and laugh at women's birth plans and they knew I was listening but didn't care. In the end I lost my mind entirely told my husband to pack my bags because we were leaving, at this point I was in the worst state I've ever been in. I was traumatised, emotional wreck in agony and sleep deprived. We packed my bags and as we tried to leave were confronted by the pack of midwives telling us we couldnt leave until we had seen the doctor (we had..) shown proof I'd passed urine 2 times ( had done this..) and tried to prove I was lying about seeing the doctor. My husband was threatened with security and police if we left the ward.

I was supposed to be seeing a mental health follow up midwife as I was 'high risk' for PND and never heard from them. Meant to have a debrief at 6 weeks PP and not heard from them either.

My partner was in a bad emotional state for 2 weeks following and me I'm still not over it.

I will be complaining but so far have been unable to think about it and get my head around how a professional human being could treat someone the way I was treated. I cant think about it, watch pregnancy related programmes or even enter that hospital again. It's been helpful to write this here.

DS1 now 20. Wasn't recognised as being a very big baby for me, shoulder dystocia, 4 week stay in NICU very little help with breastfeeding, accidentally given a morphine overdose which caused him to fit. Also left with blood stained sheets for 4 days until DM managed to find the linen cupboard.
DS2 7, emergency CS was given rather a high level of epidural which meant I was completely unable to move arms for 4 hours afterwards. DH was sent home as soon as I was on the postnatal ward. Repeatedly asked for help with lifting DS up to breastfeed but was ignored. Eventually a HCA came and told me it was concerning that DS hadn't fed and that I had to express milk for him into a syringe. Finally managed to nurse him when DH came to visit the following day and lifted him onto me which was all I had needed.
DS3, 22 months, planned CS. Lovely theatre staff, postnatal ward pretty much left to myself but was able to pick up for breastfeeding and this seemed to be going well. Was woken at 1am to be told that DS hadn't fed enough, how did they know I'd barely seen anyone, he was then given a dose of glucose which made him violently sick and despite being barely able to stand, I was left to deal with this and change his cot alone.
Another gem which still rankles is being back home with DS3 and I did have low level depression. When the HV did her home visit she rattled through the questions she has to ask and it was literally, "you're not depressed at all are you? Good". I had actually wanted to say I was and while I came through it with the help of a good support network, new mothers need to be allowed to express their feelings.
Sorry to hear so many others have not had a great time. It is very wrong that it should be like this.

Eh? An epidural/spinal doesn't make you choke on your food I had toast in the recovery room immediately after my section. It does render you totally immobile, though.

Hilariously I pushed the buzzer to call a nurse to say I’d dislocated my shoulder so could she please put my baby back in the cot. She did. And left.

This is horrific!

My labour wasn't bad but I gave birth at 8pm, moved to ward at 11pm at which point husband was told he had to go. I then didn't see another person (in a cubicle at the end of the ward with curtains all around) until he was allowed to return at noon the next day. Just a quick "how are you doing" would have been nice.

And this is incredibly bloody dangerous.

All these stories make me really angry. I’ve got 3 relatives that are midwives and I can well imagine one of them being an insensitive, uncaring bitch. The other 2 though are the most caring lovely people. Unfortunately I mostly had bitches “caring” for me when I had my kids, although there were also a couple of really lovely staff as well.

100% agree with you, and I'm an NHS worker.

OH is a surgeon and was appalled. He made the point that they do less invasive open operations than C sections, and rectal / anal operations very similar to tears/episiotomies plus repair. And those people are treated like patients and helped to mobilise, brought food etc and their fluid intake actually charted.

And don't even get me started on their complete refusal to help me feed my baby.

In the end we decided he would be better able to care for me at home and left under 24hrs post delivery. No one even bothered to check that I'd actually passed urine after the catheter was removed.

I was once threatened (while pregnant) with being banned from the maternity unit for making a fuss about my niece's care Apparently asking firmly, but politely (and a random partner passing who heard me say it stepped in when he heard me being shouted at) who to speak too about making a serious complaint is "intimidating and threatening".

My niece had her baby at 10pm on the Tuesday night. Her pregnancy had been complicated because of cancer treatment. All her care was pre-planned by the various consultants looking after her.

When we arrived at 6pm she was only 2cm dilated so they debated sending her home. They went off to speak to the consultant and never came back. At 8.30 she told me she needed to push. I went to find someone and was told not to be ridiculous, it would be hours yet. At 9pm someone begrudgingly came to discuss pain relief with her as she wasn't coping. They did an internal and panicked - she was fully dilated.

In the mad rush she had a third degree tear, lost a crazy amount of blood and blacked out. The baby had to go to SCBU.
All over her notes, in every conversation, and at each handover it was mentioned that she could not breastfeed because of her cancer meds. It had also been agreed between consultants that her cancer meds would stay with her and be brought in each day by her birth partner/family.

I arrived for visiting on Thursday lunch to find her crying her eyes out as she'd been lectured by a staff member about not "wanting" to breastfeed. I go off to the staff station and ask could they please make sure everyone is aware. They were apologetic, said they would etc.

An hour later she asks for pain relief. She's told she can only have paracetamol because of breastfeeding. Reminds them she's not BF'ing and her pain relief has already been agreed between consultants. Staff member disappears for an hour and only brings pain relief when I go chase it up twice.

Two hours later a smiley, happy, bouncy staff member comes into the room (only her in there) to invite her to a breastfeeding workshop. When she says she can't they launch into a spiel about how most people who think they can't can with help. She got called rude for interrupting her

She then got told off loudly by a staff member for taking 'unprescribed' medication and said staff member took her cancer meds from her tray table and walked away with them. By the time I came back she was trying to hobble to the staff station to get them back. The staff member refused to hand them back until she was satisfied with her "story". They were very clearly labelled as to what they were for.

She had to remind them/argue with them every day when they tried to give her blood thinners as she'd already taken them as part of her cancer meds (at a higher dose I believe) so they couldn't inject her again.

The woman in charge of the ward was vile. When I complained she told me I'd get banned and "then what would I do?" referring to the fact I was pregnant. She was rather offended when I said I was having a homebirth to avoid any chance of going to that hospital (emergency transfer would have been to a different hospital).

Actually this thread has given me a needed push to make my complaint now

This attitude is not just common to labour wards in afraid. The experiences you have have people would not believe from the so called'caring' professions

Fuckin hell are NHS nurses and midwives not trained or something? These stories are barbaric.

Yes, I complained. Maybe it changed something for future mums - though reading this thread I doubt it - and it didn’t help the situation while I was in it. Or make it less traumatic.

This thread has made me so angry. MN should share this and all the other NHS horror stories with the government. Sorry to say but it's time privatize British healthcare. And I don't mean US style Before you start screaming. There needs to be an overhaul of staff, salaries, equipment and performance related pay. Do you honestly see the NHS improving in years to come? It's only going to get worse. If I was having a child now I'd do everything in my power to go private it could mean life or death.

I was suffering from temporary kidney failure due to severe dehydration during my labor (forceps then emergency c-section). I spent the 1st night on the recovery ward which was very good. 2nd day I was sent to the maternity ward but still hadn’t managed to walk independently. I was unbelievably thirsty (I had been on a drip for 2 days and it had recently been removed) and asked a member of staff to re-fill my water jug. She promptly instructed me that the water fountain was at the end of the (long) corridor, just outside the ward, and flounced off. I couldn’t manage to get out of bed so I stayed without water for a few hours despite the thirst being painful. I was kept in hospital an extra day as my kidneys weren’t recovering as quickly as they expected for a person of my age. I was advised to keep drinking water!

Also, my fluid intake and urine levels were to be closely monitored as a result of my kidneys not recovering. I was told to leave my pot of urine on top of the toilet. By my 4th visit there were still 3 pots of mine left there after I’d repeatedly informed them to collect it- in the public patient toilet! It’s possible other people were being monitored too, but heaven knows how they’d tell the difference between our urine pots. I expressed my concerns to the midwife that the doctor had said it was important to monitor correctly as it was possible I could suffer permanent damage to my kidneys. She laughed and exclaimed, “there’s nothing wron with your kidneys” in a mocking way. This is because I was passing a lot of urine as I was drinking water like a hungover elephant. I’ve never felt like more of a pain in the arse. It was degrading having to beg to get your urine measured.

In the end I left with no further tests or monitoring of my kidneys so god knows what condition they’re in. I get pangs of pain on both sides fairly frequently.

What do PALS actually do though? Do they have any influence? If you complain, does it make a difference?

The noise nearly finished me off. No sleep. Midwives shouting at each other all night. Shush please! 😕

lyralalala

^

Good job you were bloody there!

There needs to be some naming and shaming on this thread, there really does.

How can Britain get it so wrong?

I had a long labour with my first, waters broke but didn't actually go into labour. 3 days later I had him. I lost so much blood that I kept passing out when standing, they would not let my husband stay and help me as I couldn't do anything, when I rang for help they were nasty to me. Was terrified I would drop my son while fainting. Later found out I should have been given antibiotics as had an awful infection due to water braking. Completely ruined my first few weeks with my first born. They stitched me up wrong, I now have scare tissue and 'down there' is a car crash

Yanbu I've heard enough horror stories about this that dh and I were fortunate enough to go private. What a wonderful experience it turned out. Treated with alot of respect, alot of help with the baby, breastfeeding support, physio visits etc..

It was so worth it going private.
Its traumatic going through a difficult birth and then being treated so badly after. Not to mention being a first time mum.

Britain gets it so bloody wrong because you don't fund the NHS properly. Australia is not perfect, but we're streets ahead of you guys.

I will never forgive the nurse/midwife on the ward who rang Social Services on me because I didn’t wake up the first time baby grizzled I was pumped full of every drug under the sun. This was only a couple hours after a 17hour labour.

Baby was taken straight off me at birth due to lack of oxygen and I woke up on the ward with no recollection of getting there and my baby was missing. Turned out (after I ran round frantically crying) that a staff member had taken DD and gave her her first feed because she’d started to stir and I hadn’t instantly woke up. Instead of trying to wake me up!?

After that she rang SS and said I wasn’t looking after DD. I was 21 but looked about 16 and know fine well that’s why she made her judgement. I think she desperately wanted to feel “needed”.

The most overbearing woman I’ve ever met, who clearly loved babies too much. To the detriment of her standard of care. It was like she wanted to keep them all and raise them herself God knows what she said to others as people kept offering to change/feed DD for me.

Fortunately SS saw I was doing fine, I broke down saying noone would let me look after DD and she had been told that I didn’t want to! They left us alone after that.

Due to an infection we were moved to a private room in special care for the next 10 days which was the most caring place, a real testament to the NHS.

DD didn’t cry until day 10, so no wonder I didn’t wake up automatically with all those drugs in me! I also developed PND and still struggle with my bond with DD, I really think that was a factor.