To still be pissed off how I (and so many other women) are treated before/after birth?

[LyndzB]

How I was treated in hospital before and after the birth of my child still gets to me.

Things like...

1.when I'd had an epidural from a 3rd degree tear, I rang the nurses button for help. A nurse told me off and said I should've walked to reception as I wasn't ill. I had to explain I'd had an epidural.

1. Lying in blood stained sheets for 4 days, kept asking for fresh so I could change myself

1. Waiting 5 hours after birth for some food and water - couldn't move due to epidural

1. Being told my son was in NICU and they needed his vests. I had several bags with me and I couldn't for the life of me remember which one had vests in. I still couldn't move and the nurse got annoyed that I didn't know where they were. I'd just been told at that point he was in NICU and was worried sick.

I've read stories from women far worse than mine.

We just seem to accept it. Me included. I think we just want to get out, move on and enjoy our babies. But in the meantime nothing changes. I only see it getting worse.

The hard part is, it's difficult to criticise as I don't want to be seen criticising the nhs. I love the nhs. It's a wonderful invention. I know it's a funding issue and that nurses and doctors and porters and all staff are working so hard.

And I'm sure many women do have good experiences (as much as you can delivering a baby!)

I suppose I just want things to change for the better. I don't know where to start. And maybe it's just too much to ask for little old me!

Anyone else feel this way?

I'm gluten intolerant so I didn't get fed then they criticized me for not producing enough breast milk they would call my ward for me to go to NICU to breast feed him by the time I got there they had cup fed him formula then when I was trying to feed him they would come around the screen and say well he isnt hungry anymore whip him off my breast and send me away again

I could see NICU from my room window they told me I couldnt pick him up but they were so I stormed over and demanded a cuddle off my baby the health care girl handed him over rapidly but as soon as head nurse saw me she was trying to take him off me again I actually had to stand my ground and tell her that I had the right to cuddle my own child if they could do it so could I

In the end I quit trying to breastfeed and we were allowed into transitory care unit with staff who allowed me to use their toaster and my mil bought me my gluten free bread so I got something to eat

In contrast giving birth to DS years later. When DP rang to say I was in labour they told me not to come in yet as there wasn’t any beds... I start screaming “the baby is coming NOW”, they absolutely did not believe me. Got every eye roll and sigh under the sun. Til they checked when I got in and I was 9cm dilated.

After that the staff were amazing but I had to sign myself out early because the lady next to me on the ward wouldn’t feed her baby when he cried. She kept saying to him “shh you can’t be hungry yet it’s not time to eat”. I told the midwives my concerns and broke down crying saying I was desperate for sleep and my own DS wasn’t the one keeping me awake.

A private room really makes the absolute world of difference, I wouldn’t stay in after giving birth again unless offered a private room.

Britain gets it so bloody wrong because you don't fund the NHS properly.

Sorry, but so many of the terrible stories on here are absolutely nothing to do with lack of funding. Midwifes standing around gossiping and drinking coffee while a mother is in floods of tears, to give just one example - could you explain what has that got to do with lack of funding?

I was devastated when they said they were putting an ng tube in my son as I wasnt being given the chance to feed him i broke down crying on the way back to the ward got found by one of the staff who helped me reunite with my baby and get food she was the head of transitory care and was more than happy to take responsibility for the care

I actually had a very easy time of it compared to many here but was still unimpressed with the experience on the postnatal wards. After birth we were left alone for about 3 hours, no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Then we went to the ward and my bed was next to a radiator and it was boiling. My buzzer didnt work so when I needed help nobody came - I didnt know the buzzer wasnt working I just assumed they were ignoring me. Eventually I wheeled my baby down the corridor to the midwife station. Later they took forever to get my discharge papers and kept saying "you'll be discharged by 10am..." then by 11a. Etc.

As I say I know this is small fry compared to those who can't walk or are left alone and bleeding but I thought the care was pretty poor even for someone who had a straightforward birth.

Unfortunately I never felt I could say anything because all my friends were harping on about how fantastic the midwives were and how they couldnt speak highly enough of the care they received. I didnt want to seem ungrateful or like I was bashing the NHS.

I'm planning a home birth this time, at least I'll know where the bathroom is.

Shocked by these stories. My care in hospital was excellent. I think those of you with bad experiences should name the hospital trust you were under, and also leave reviews on the NHS website. It's good to be able to vent here but it won't help things improve.

When they broke my waters there was meconium in them, and it ran down my legs. I was left for 48 hours like that. I wasn't allowed to get up and shower until a staff member was available to accompany me because I was too weak after my c section and haemorrhage. But no one would help me wash. My husband tried to clean me as best he could with baby wipes. But I bled heavily and lay in meconium and blood for two days. It was disgusting. I smelt awful and it must have been an infection risk. And I did get an infection but who knows if it was related.

I also needed a blood transfusion which I never got. Someone wrote my notes up before doing it, so everyone else thought it had been done. And since they never mentioned it to me, I didn't know to ask. It only came to light a week later when I was still weak and struggling to catch a breath, and then they said it was too late, although I was struggling to catch a breath and was having heart palpitations.

I think, wherever possible a birth partner or family member / friend should stay overnight on the postnatal ward to do things like get food/water (from outside), help lifting/caring for baby, changing bedding etc,etc. This would help with the basics.
Thankfully DH stayed with me, for example, the ward ran out of drinking water as they only filled the jugs every 24 hours, so at least he could go out and get me some after they shrugged and apologised.

YANBU. The midwives postnatally were nasty and neglectful.

I am with you. Currently a patient on post natal ward and it's hideous!

These stories are horrific!

I came on to say that both times I had amazing care, a very long labour with eventual episiotomy with my first. Midwife was so lovely.

Had one snotty comment about baby only having a baby grow on and not a vest under (first baby, husband dressed him as I was being stitched up).

Was home in less than 24 hours. Had a private room and DH stayed with me.

DS2 I had a water birth. It was so calm and relaxing, my midwife didn't keep "checking" to see how progressed I was. I totally trusted in my own body and only needed gas and air at the end. I tore and it turned out ds had the cord around his neck but I had no memory of this the midwife was so calm. She was only young and had a student in with her but it was so positive. This time they asked if I wanted a "6 hour discharge" so I had baby at 11.30 and was home that evening.

I had tea and toast straight away both times, meals brought to me and even DH was asked if he wanted meals as they had some left over.

This was within the last 4 and 2 years.

NSECH in the north east.

My post wasn't to gloat but to show that some hospitals are getting it right.

All should though! The stories are a disgrace!

I think it's luck of the draw. I have 2 hospitals close to me and I can't even look at the hospital where i gave birth to first DC without feeling panicked. I had flashbacks for a long time. I self discharged in the end my husband had to go back to collect my prescriptions.

The second hospital was amazing, despite having semi-EMCS. They had an initiative that gave everyone a 'safe word' ... a phrase you could use that meant staff had to stop what they were doing to explain things or help you. Everyone introduced themselves and told me what they were there for.

The second hospital went a long way in fixing some of the feelings I had after my first birth.

I’ve had 4 dc..every time I received no help after birth at all.nothing ,just left till I was discharged..blood everywhere in bathrooms,not cleaned up..men using the toilets for a shit while I stood outside leaking holding a pad.why were men even in the women’s loo I have no idea.. no sleep due to other women having 6/7 visitors at a time with takeaways at their bed ,making the rest of us feel sick ,making noise till all hours ,lights left on so you can’t sleep...torture pure torture

These are awful, scary stories.

I had an ok birth but I remember one midwife refusing to give me gas and air for pain relief. It was only when she left (go home) and i got a new midwife, she got me pain relief straight away. I am guessing the first midwife was a lazy bitch.

I felt I was treated quite well after birth. I was a young mum (22) and was trying get out hospital asap. They put me in a room on my own which I realise now what a luxury that was. I wish I stayed longer actually but I was desperate to get out.

Completely agree op, the experiences I had after both emergency c sections still haunt me now. The care on the delivery suite/theatre was excellent but the post natal ward was shocking. I was literally shouted at for not passing urine quick enough after the catheter was removed. Left to my own devices when I could barely feels my legs. Being frowned upon when I was bottle feeding despite being given no help to breastfeed when I asked. I will never forget being in absolute agony walking up and down the corridor every couple of hours to get to the kitchen to make up bottles. With dc 2 I got up to have a shower and started to bleed heavily and my wound also began to bleed. I told one of the midwives but it was several hours before anyone checked me over. I understand the NHS is under massive pressure but I found many of the staff were unhelpful and dismissive.

And yet they wonder why so many women in Britain don’t breastfed. They put up patronising posters about it being “best for baby”.

Women in the UK are breastfeeding less because the post-natal care offered is less than a cow in a muddy field.

I have lain in high dependency desperately trying not to drop my baby whilst I try to feed her being ignored. An section is major abdominal surgery and we are expected to lift our babies safely, care for them and move normally straight away. I still know how I did it. Women are so strong.

I just want to recommend a birth debrief/birth reflection to anyone who wants it - I have heard bad experiences of this too (sadly) but I found it really helpful so I think it's worth a go.

They just flat-out refused to believe I was in active labour - my waters broke before labour started and they were completely fixated on the idea that I'd need an induction after 24 hours, so refused to believe that I had gone into labour in the meantime. I was sent home once. DH rang to say that we really thought we needed to come in again later and they said to stay at home, but I insisted we go in as I thought I was dying, so we got told off when we turned up, then put in the triage room even though I kept saying I was pushing. 'No offence, but you'll know when you actually need to push' I was told. I was left screaming and unmonitored in the day pregnancy unit room with six other couples - the rest of them there for a routine monitoring in pregnancy and so staring at the screaming woman - for 90 minutes until some one finally agreed to examine me and discovered I was indeed pushing and his head was past my cervix. I have birth 45 minutes later, and on the last push they were going to give me before trying forceps because by that point DS was getting distressed.

In the first few weeks afterwards DH and I treated it like a weird, funny story - 'Do you remember when you begged someone to come see me and a midwife eventually turned up but then she just asked if we'd seen someone else's phone charger that they'd lost?', 'do you remember when the man at the next bed tutted and turned the football on his phone up louder when you screamed?' - but at about four months postpartum it really hit me how humiliated and terrified I'd been, and also how dangerous it was - I was classified as high risk due to low growth and reduced movements, but I was left to labour alone and unmonitored almost throughout.

It started to really preoccupy me, and someone else suggested a birth reflection session. I found this really helpful - they apologised (I know they often don't, and I suspect it was because there were no lasting adverse consequences for me so no chance I'd sue) and acknowledged how scared I must have been, and also the fact that it meant I had no pain relief. They also said they'd look at my case to see what they could change in their practice - they said I should never have been put in the day pregnancy unit because of its very public nature - and I found that comforting and hope it's true.

Sorry for the epically long post. TLDR; consider a birth reflection session if they offer them in your area!

Yes . Yanbu. I wont post all the details but my midwife was an awful woman who should not be allowed to work with anyone, let alone women in labour.

I am sure there is a strong link between poor care and pnd too.

So sorry to hear all your bad experiences. I've just given birth recently by c-section. I had very good support all the way through. Staff were generally very pleasant. I got help with breast feeding straight away. My sheets were changed appropriately and no one was rude to me. They were slightly slow with the morphine would be my only criticism. The tea lady was lovely and kept popping up with fresh jugs of water. There was no expectation I get my own. Even my husband was offered tea regularly and she apologised to him that she couldn't give him breakfast! I guess it depends which area and hospital you're in but it goes to show that some hospitals can do it, even with funding cuts.

Reading these stories is just horrific and sadly reflects my own experiences from 2 different births. I've had some wonderful care in the NHS but the postnatal wards are absolute hell on earth. Post c section I buzzed for help as baby needed putting back in cot and I was falling asleep and almost dropped her. I was still quite immobile but tried to get out of bed as no one came and got stuck half way in and out still holding baby. They had kept closing the curtains around us so no one could see me and I actually thought to myself, this is it then I'm going to drop her. Eventually I had to shout and wake up another woman in the bay to get me some help. I also at one point had to beg in tears for some pain relief as the med trolley was taking ages to get around so I then said I would be doing my own pain relief and signed a form every day with the details of my doses etc that I'd given myself. I've never had to do that for other procedures and neither has anyone else I know that's had an operation. I'm still gutted that I've been unable to breastfeed either of my children and I believe that's partly from lack of help postnatally. Basically told each time unless I gave a bottle we wouldn't be getting out of there!

The culture on some wards is toxic, which clearly emanates from poor leadership.

Over the last five years I've spent far too long sitting by the bedside of poorly family members. If you sit there quietly the staff soon forget you are there and carry on as 'normal'. Not answering buzzers, leaving elderly distressed women on commodes for far too long, leaving food and water out of reach, not giving pain relief or leaving patients in wet beds. What they are doing is enjoying a good gossip about their private lives, moaning about 'needy' patients, reading magazines whilst enjoying coffee and biscuits.

I've also noticed that male patients get more care and attention than female patients. Staff fell over themselves offering DH pain relief after bowel surgery, with DM I had to beg them to give her pain relief after surgery to repair her broken hip.

Yes I complained to PALS, it was investigated, upheld and apologies offered. "Lessons had been learnt". Except they hadn't, DM broken her elbow and the same poor care and neglect was repeated.

It isn't simply a lack of funding, throwing money at the NHS isn't the answer. The whole system needs a massive overhaul. Bevan would be horrified if he could see what has happened to his NHS.

One of my friends is an HCA on a post labour ward. She says their staffing template stays pretty much the same whether the ward is full or half empty. They will ask for bank staff of the ward is full but do not always get.