To still be pissed off how I (and so many other women) are treated before/after birth?

[LyndzB]

How I was treated in hospital before and after the birth of my child still gets to me.

Things like...

1.when I'd had an epidural from a 3rd degree tear, I rang the nurses button for help. A nurse told me off and said I should've walked to reception as I wasn't ill. I had to explain I'd had an epidural.

1. Lying in blood stained sheets for 4 days, kept asking for fresh so I could change myself

1. Waiting 5 hours after birth for some food and water - couldn't move due to epidural

1. Being told my son was in NICU and they needed his vests. I had several bags with me and I couldn't for the life of me remember which one had vests in. I still couldn't move and the nurse got annoyed that I didn't know where they were. I'd just been told at that point he was in NICU and was worried sick.

I've read stories from women far worse than mine.

We just seem to accept it. Me included. I think we just want to get out, move on and enjoy our babies. But in the meantime nothing changes. I only see it getting worse.

The hard part is, it's difficult to criticise as I don't want to be seen criticising the nhs. I love the nhs. It's a wonderful invention. I know it's a funding issue and that nurses and doctors and porters and all staff are working so hard.

And I'm sure many women do have good experiences (as much as you can delivering a baby!)

I suppose I just want things to change for the better. I don't know where to start. And maybe it's just too much to ask for little old me!

Anyone else feel this way?

Was asked repeatedly what happened (had 2 episodes of turning blue, turned out to be positional when drinking and falling asleep at the same time) whilst I was in pieces.

After a 3rd degree tear and attached to a feed as had lost fluids, got told all morning they were too busy to pick up my daughter so I could hold her the morning after birth.

Devastated when I'd been unable to breast feed and one of the carer s that checked baby over asked me critically "do you feel you have bonded with baby?" After one day and having lost a lot of blood no sleep in 2 days.

It still haunts me to this day, and the staff in some places are so busy it's just a case of getting another one out for a bed, but no, it's completely wrong when you are so vulnerable.

I think one thing that would help (as well as letting birth partners stay outside of visiting hours for the first few days) would be to give women a more realistic idea of what they can expect post birth.

If you give birth late at night, you will be alone when your partner is made to leave. There may not be anyone on hand to make toast, so take food with you. Second time round I had a bag stashed full of cereal bars and other snacks, the same with drinks. I made sure I had water to hand and squash.

Being left in dirty bedding for days is inexcusable, but I would have had no issue in my DH asking for clean sheets and changing the bed if I needed him to. If my baby was sick (which he was frequently) I helped myself to clean cot bedding and changed his sheets and blankets.

Please don't take any of this to mean that I'm dismissive of your stories, I'm not, and some of them are harrowing. It's just I feel there is so much focus on preparing for a dreamy birth and not enough on the realities of what it's actually like. My pre birth hospital class certainly prepared me for what to expect in surgery during a section, but didn't even touch on what to expect post. I had no idea that I was expected to get up and fetch my own food and drinks, all my previous hospital stays and involved a dinner trolley coming to your bed. Women need to be told that this isn't the case on the labour ward, you're expected to be as self sufficient as possible.

That sounds simply dreadful, LyndzB. It doesn't surprise me now though. I was in hospital earlier this year for eight days following a relatively minor accident, I was heavily drugged and when discharged, was filthy. I certainly didn't get better by being admitted, I was worse. I hope I never go through anything like that again.

I'm so sorry, it must be so much worse when you've just had a baby. One would think you'd be treated better.

I've told both my daughter's that if it is at all possible they will be giving birth in a private hospital. My experience having my third child was utterly dreadful. I will never forget it.

What no one's saying is that nurses are utter bitches. They were awful - cruel I would say now - to me for both of my births.
It's not NHS funding. They were happy to stand around or be on computer but otherwise zero.

Post natal care is fucking ludicrous in Britain now. The NHS is on its knees and the only "care" you get is absolute emergency only. There is, although I'll get flamed for this, too much of a problem with too many resources being taken up by the elderly, and not enough on the ones newly arrived. Doctors and nurses are being run ragged. It's third world standard.

In Belgium it is standard for mothers to stay in hospital with their babies for 7 days after birth. It used to be standard here too at one time, back when there was decent social support. At least we should be able to provide food in what's supposed to be one of the richest countries in the world.

Women need to be told that this isn't the case on the labour ward, you're expected to be as self sufficient as possible. And that's wrong, is what we're saying. Birth is a very tiring, exhausting, and very risky process. We deserve decent care.

But that's precisely the problem, it's not about being independent or lowering your expectations.

I'm not part of the dreamy birth experience brigade, when you're not actually physically able to do the essentials like sit up and reach those snacks you've packed the "just get on with it" attitude on maternity wards is horrific. And my experience wasn't even as bad as some people on here. Being expected to walk along to get toast simply isn't appropriate for many women.

There's no chance for recovery, and that's supposed to be ok. It's not.

I had an emcs due to failure to progress on the Saturday evening and was moved down to the postnatal ward within three hours. I hadn't slept in 36hrs, still couldn't move or feel my legs at all, loaded up with diamorphine and had suffered considerable blood loss. Before he left for the evening DH and I had been assured I'd stay in Recovery where the nurses would feed/change the baby and let me sleep, before mobilising me in the morning. So when I got to the ward, which was in complete darkness, I was a bit "wtf" when I found they expected me to do it all on my own and left me alone with the curtain drawn and the baby well out of reach. There was no holder for the call button, so it was left on the side of the bed. Of course I knocked it off onto the floor. I started crying and the ward sister rocked up, told me they didn't have the capacity to do what the staff in Recovery said they'd do, and then berated me because the baby hadn't been fed in four hours. Someone must have then looked at my notes because they then magically found the staff to turn up at intervals to feed DD whilst I moved in and out of consciousness.

Can you imagine what other type of major surgery where people would be expected to put up with that level of care? It's misogyny, pure and simple. And that's before you think of the safeguarding implications of leaving a newborn baby in the sole care of women who are drowsy, paralysed (or otherwise incapacitated) or in pain. It's a recipe for postnatal depression, injury or worse.

I have complained and am awaiting the outcome of the hospital's investigations. I sent the complaint to a stoic colleague with a chronic pain condition to print and she wrote a note back, basically saying "WHAT THE FUCK". If you feel able to, please please please complain and use your voice. If enough of us speak up we might stand some chance of things changing for other mums.

I had a wonderful experience. There are good hospitals with good nurses and good wards out there.
Please speak to PALS and try and prevent it happening to others.

YES! I had a haemmorhage at home after ds's birth (10 days later). Rushed to hospital and when stabilised and on ward, I was told "crying will do you no good." I was also pumping milk into empty coke cans as they didn't have anything else they could give me and my baby couldn't stay on the ward. I had to also nag for a wash!

Totally agree.
When I had my - first and only - baby, I arrived at hospital bleeding but no beds available. I had to lean against a wall having contractions for over an hour, with someone’s child running round the corridor and waiting room next to me.
Eventually, exDH left to go down to the natural birthing unit to see if there was a room I could at least rest in.
No sooner had he gone, a midwife took me into a room and hooked me up to a monitor.
Without even giving any sympathy or gentleness, she abruptly told me there was no heartbeat. No kindness or sympathy, nothing.
Then she fiddled about a bit, then 5 or so min later, said ‘oh it was the just the first monitor wasn’t working, there is a heartbeat!’. Still no apology, just said I had to be monitored the whole time as (unsurprisingly!) my blood pressure had shot up.
An Emergency section later, exDH was sent home at around 3am and I was left with DD.
No-one got me any breakfast in the morning, no-one helped me change DD (trying to move about with the catheter in was tricky), I could hardly twist round to reach the bell to call the nurse due to the epidural. Catheter bag was full to bursting before being changed. The hospital was crowded, dirty, hot, total nightmare.
I’m still angry 8 years later that I didn’t complain about the first midwife and the ‘no heartbeat’.

It doesn't matter if you are newly born or end of life new 'modern' nurses don't care about patients.

My treatment in hospital with my second was horrendous, meds were wrong repeatedly, left alone with our food or water for about 6 hours and then was told it was my fault for not getting water from across the room despite catheter and drip.

But the absolute best story, was being admitted to a ward for slow progress, a few hours later me telling the midwife I thought I had progressed further now and asking for pain relief, and being told 'It's supposed to hurt you know." If she had read my notes or spoken to me at all she would have know it was my SECOND birth so I did know it was supposed to hurt, although she shouldn't have said that to any mother, the absolute patronising bitch. She eventually examined me when another midwife came in and told her it looked like I was in active labour.

If I had another baby I would prep my husband to just refuse to leave as there is no care whatsoever either pre or post natal. Once the baby is out you are supposed to be able to fend for yourself, even if you have serious complications.

It’s nearly 30 years since I gave birth in hospital and it has stayed with me forever. I have never felt so faceless or unimportant. And it was noisy and dirty. I had my subsequent DC at home. Much better.

Incidentally, only one midwife (the ward manager) was awful, some of the others were absolutely lovely but they couldn’t be there 24/7. By contrast all the community midwives I encountered were fantastic. They enjoyed their work and took great pride in it.

On what planet is it ever acceptable for patients to have to bring their own fluids and food into hospital? You should not need another person to rally for you to not have to lay in blood soaked sheets. You should not need to bring in your own pain medication and self-medicate. This is just basic care that patients are not getting because they are women.

all my previous hospital stays and involved a dinner trolley coming to your bed. Women need to be told that this isn't the case on the labour ward, you're expected to be as self sufficient as possible
But why is this the case? Why is our surgery considered lesser than other types of surgery? CS is major surgery! Why should other patients get food trollied to the bed but we don’t? In many cases new mums aren’t physically capable of fetching their own food shortly after birth, whether that’s biscuits packed in a suitcase they can’t reach or toast and tea left out at the end of the ward at breakfast time.

There is, although I'll get flamed for this, too much of a problem with too many resources being taken up by the elderly, and not enough on the ones newly arrived

I’m not going to flame you but you’ve clearly never been anywhere near a geriatric ward. There are no resources there either. The experience my 99 year old dad had is horribly similar to those described here, compounded by being the only patient there who hadn’t got dementia.

Frankly I’m appalled and saddened by the ordeals you’ve all been through. My experience over 40 years ago couldn’t have been more different, they really knew how to look after us in those days. It’s bloody awful that new mothers have to endure this.

I had ptsd from my last birth. It was awful, staff were pretty awful too. Out of 4 births there was only 1 that I was completely satisfied with my treatment, and I had a really kind caring midwife supporting me. I agree with you op. I just wanted to get home and enjoy my baby. I didn't want anything to spoil it.

it not just pregnant women receiving crap care. Lots of elderly go in have food left out of their reach, need feeding but no one does it, can’t say they need pain relief so it’s not given, families say my mum/dad isn’t normally confused but no one investigates it, left in wet/dirty beds.

Alsohuman posted at the same time, I’m glad it’s not just me thinking that

Im sorry for the elderly desribed here and all the terrible stories.

I was treated like utter shit post natally.

Put it this way I cannot take anyone I meet or know seriously who are midwives. I was utterly humiliated during the 2 2 day stays I had.

@doorbellringer

Appalling, where is the humanity? I am so sorry you had to go through that

After DC2 I developed sepsis, before this became obvious despite saying how unwell I felt I was told “go to the shower you’re dirty” After standing I began to projectile vomit. I’d never go into a maternity unit again, I did not feel cared for or respected

@doorbellringer
I am so sorry that happened to you. And I'm so sorry how you were treated. X