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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let my 9 year old play Fortnite?

160 replies

Cultoffortnite · 22/11/2019 10:31

Having a debated with DP over this as our Year 5 boy is claiming to be the only one in his class not playing Fortnite, which means he's getting left out as his mates play online together. I know that several of his close friends DO play ( older siblings in the house playing).

DP can be a bit of a 'Disney' parent and wants DS to have Fortnite. I object on the grounds that :
it's a 1st person shooter game aimed at 12+
it's violence dressed up as something else
We have a Wii Switch and DS can play that
We're strict on gaming time - usually reserved for weekends and this will be another screen/game to be battling with over time played
DS behaviour has been quite challenging recently and I don't really thin

So wise women and men of Mumsnet - should I give in? I'm wavering I have to admit and wondering if I'm being too draconian and being THAT parent.

OP posts:

AJMiddleton · 22/11/2019 17:22

I don't have any issues with it personally. Both my children play Fortnite regularly (9y/o & 12y/o) and I've not witnessed or heard anything detrimental come from it. It's cartoon violence, yes, but there's no gore or death; no worse than something like Laser tag tbh. I even play it with them from time to time and from my personal experience with the game I can honestly say that it has quite a nice community atmosphere, which is surprising given the fact it's quite competitive. More often than not we're all paired up with random players which we have zero personal contact with and things generally go very well! Everyone we've played with have been very helpful, friendly and protective.

Kisuant · 22/11/2019 17:27

I allow my 7 year old son play. However, there's modifications I've done to ensure he stays safe. Currently I've restricted it so no one can contact him, send gifts, messages, friend requests... Anything!

He shares my ps4 with me, I had random person send me underwear selfies. I reported it naturally, but it shows that you should protect them as much as possible.

Kisu.

wornoutboots · 22/11/2019 17:32

My 9 year old doesn't have it, won't be getting it and admitted he only wanted it because all of his friend's have it. A couple of kids tried to be nasty about it, but I've told him to say that all consoles are in the living room, as is the pc. And that it isn't something suitable for his little sister to be watching so I have said "no". I'm happy for him to "play fortnignt" in school (running around the playground pretending to shoot each other then doing a dance) and blame me for not having the actual game, it stopped any silliness about him not having it.

Abibranning · 22/11/2019 17:37

To the parents who do allow it while supervised. Be careful what you are saying too, if your child has a headset mic they pick up a lot of surrounding sound, my son and I've just heard all about the woman coming home and finding her partner with someone else, she was ranting on in the background. I assume child on headset (so he can't hear) and she called someone to tell them about it. I've had to make my DS leave the game and join another lobby it was so uncomfortable.

superfandango · 22/11/2019 17:43

Oh God that sounds excruciating @Abibranning. Our headset only ever gets used if DH is playing something with his friends so luckily not a worry here for the time being

Lima1 · 22/11/2019 17:48

I let me boys now aged 10 and 8 start playing it last summer. I don't like violent games but I watched it on YouTube and it looked ok, cartoonish and not very realistic. I have strict controls, only allowed play for 1-1.5 hrs per week, only allowed talk to classmates.
My youngest was fine but the older boy turned into a nightmare. Both were addicted in that it was all they could talk about (wanted to come home early from summer holiday to play it!) but the older boy's behaviour changed so much from playing it. He was angry, agressive, moody, an emotional wreck particularly in the hour or so after playing. It was having such an obvious effect on him that I banned it. They missed it for a week or so and got over it. They play minecraft, farming simulator and FIFA and it doesn't affect them. Lots of their friends play it but they have told me many of their friends are banned from over over behavioural issues.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/11/2019 17:51

Utter tosh.

Except it's true. I can't speak for your school but it's true at mine. Correlation and causation aren't the same.

And DD plays lots of games, just not that.

MsMellivora · 22/11/2019 17:56

I played Fortnite for the first time in two months and won a solo game today :)

Gaming really should be avoided by some due to their temperaments and it can genuinely be addictive. But it depends on the type of person that is gaming. I have gamed for many years on and off depending on what my life circumstances are at the time.

You can set up parental controls on his console. DS was only allowed to game with people who he knew from school. I would also suggest you have keep his console in a family area.

churchandstate · 22/11/2019 18:13

If the game has an age restriction on it you should feel confident going with that. I would.

reefedsail · 22/11/2019 18:36

I have a lovely, quiet, kind, conscientious 9yo DS. He started playing Fortnite at 8yo with the chat set to only friends (of which he has one) and now I have.. a lovely, quiet, kind, conscientious 9yo DS. I don't recognise anything PP have said about behavioural changes.

40yo DH playing Plants vs Zombies on the other hand... shouting, swearing, dealing with upset over rude messages from other players, won't come off when he's asked. He's a nightmare.

billy1966 · 22/11/2019 18:41

OP, definitely not. Completely addictive. He's far too young.

I have a teenager who was on it and I had to put big limits on it as I could see he was getting very wound up on it.

At 15.

Other parents have said the game.
My son admitted he found it hard to sleep after it, such was the adrenaline!

We really limit the time that he is on it.
But his friends and him love it and they only play it once a week.

I'd be very careful and definitely read up it.

belay · 22/11/2019 20:29

Don't allow it. I speak from experience and am now at the not so pretty side of detoxing a teenager from gaming, specifically the highly addictive Fortnite

Jenny13579 · 22/11/2019 22:58

Just think of it as a digital nerf war. If you let him play with nerf guns then let him play fortnite

ActualHornist · 23/11/2019 00:12

@MrsTerryPratchett it’s not Fortnite that’s the problem, it’s parents that don’t place restrictions on gaming, or who allow temper tantrums and no repercussions.

curlykaren · 23/11/2019 00:25

Both my son (10) and I have been playing for about a year. It's definitely true that everyone in his class plays, more recently he's home Educated due to an injury and its a really great way for him to keep in touch with school friends. I agree that behaviour/addiction theories/problems can be avoided by proper boundaries but I also do think that some people will be more predisposed to these issues. We both met Ninja on Friday, it's been the talk of his whole peer group, I like the game, the boundaries are up to you as a parent though.

ChidiAnnaKendrick · 23/11/2019 00:27

Banned in this house. My boys are 12, 11 and 8. It was awful, so when I got fed up with the shouting constantly I banned it. Not going back - they got over it pretty quickly. They play other stuff with their mates or - shocker - go out

nolongersurprised · 23/11/2019 00:29

It’s designed to provide high dopamine hits which is why it’s not suitable for kids - nothing to do with levels of violence, cartoon graphics or stranger danger.

This is the issue. Those dopamine hits and intermittent rewards can be addictive. The game is designed to be addictive. Some kids are more susceptible than others, which is why you’ll get answers that vary on here.

ChidiAnnaKendrick · 23/11/2019 00:35

I think it’s really quite a sad reflection of our society to see comments like ‘your child probably will be picked on if you don’t let him.’ How about no? Maybe kids should be taught to be kind and tolerant regardless of other parents’ choices.

I’d be mortified and livid if my kids ever picked on somebody else for their parents making their own choices and sticking with them. That’s not what friendship is. Teach your kids to not be dicks.

SoxiFodoujUmed · 23/11/2019 00:39

of course yanbu. neither is our 10yo.

according to him he is the only one in his class not to be allowed to play fortnite, not to have his own phone, and not to be able to choose his own bed time.

a 2 second query of three teacher establishes that it's actually only about a quarter of the class that have these privileges. and actually when they say they play fornite they mainly mean they watch an elder sibling play.

Fortnite is rated 12. a 9yo with responsible parents will not be playing it at all.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 23/11/2019 01:06

Only you can decide how to parent your son. People will always have mixed views and different levels of what they find acceptable.
My son plays. We have chat turned off. He's 10, the Xbox is in one of our living rooms and he prefers the creative element to it more than the fighting.
Violence wise, it's no more severe than Tom and Jerry; I believe they rated the game a 12+ due to the chat function.
Behaviour wise, there's been no difference in my son's behaviour. He switches it off when asked and thankfully he can take it or leave it. I know of some children though who do get frustrated, angry and addicted. Parenting is so tough sometimes hey!
My 14 year old twins want phones despite never needing them! The things they want to do to fit in.

56Marshmallow · 23/11/2019 03:54

It's a no for my 9 yo too. He's getting a Switch for Christmas. I know he's not the only boy in the class not playing it but most of the boys are. My 6 yo nephew is allowed it!!

BadLad · 23/11/2019 05:39

We have a Wii Switch and DS can play that

A Wii and a Switch are different consoles. If you have a Switch, Fortnite is free to download.

outherealone · 23/11/2019 05:44

I don’t let my 8 and 9 year old play it. I invested in an Xbox 1 last Christmas and envisaged lots of problems with it. They fought over it a bit then couldn’t work out how to do updates and I’m too tired (poorly) so it has largely been unused for most of the year. They’re coping fine without it.

NearlyGranny · 23/11/2019 06:03

I think comparing any absorbing game to any film is disingenuous. The child has no control over what happens in a film and it's over when it's over. A game can go on indefinitely, engaging the child totally to the exclusion of family, friends and all other activities.

As an educator for nearly 50 years, main concern is balance. If a game is soaking up so much of a child's waking time, what about all the other regular childhood, constructive, educational, social, enjoyable and family things are they not getting to do?

A friend's teen son got so drawn in with gaming that he virtually stopped eating and they discovered (don't even ask how!) that he had been peeing into an empty 2l drink bottle and pooing into plastic sandwich bags because he could not tear himself away even for a toilet break. 🤦‍♀️💔

Far88 · 23/11/2019 06:15

As a parent of a son and I work in a school this game is all the talk in the play ground with boys and girls . So I caved in it's ok no blood or gore they build things and if they shoot anyone items pop out just limit screen time .

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