to not let my 9 year old play Fortnite?

[Cultoffortnite]

Having a debated with DP over this as our Year 5 boy is claiming to be the only one in his class not playing Fortnite, which means he's getting left out as his mates play online together. I know that several of his close friends DO play ( older siblings in the house playing).

DP can be a bit of a 'Disney' parent and wants DS to have Fortnite. I object on the grounds that :
it's a 1st person shooter game aimed at 12+
it's violence dressed up as something else
We have a Wii Switch and DS can play that
We're strict on gaming time - usually reserved for weekends and this will be another screen/game to be battling with over time played
DS behaviour has been quite challenging recently and I don't really thin

So wise women and men of Mumsnet - should I give in? I'm wavering I have to admit and wondering if I'm being too draconian and being THAT parent.

Is it not possible to nurture a kids individuality - let them be different - theres no way I'd let my kids play this just so they fit in at school

Don’t bend under pressure op he’s too young.

9 year old here. He’s asked for it a few times and I absolutely refuse to let him have it. He’s forgotten about it now.

Actually in his class the kids that play fornite are in the minority. I don’t know many 9 years old that do tbh.

I doubt he is the only one not playing it. My yr5 boy doesn’t (he has no console actually as he’s never asked for one, so doesn’t play anything) and none of his friends do. I know there are a few in the class that do play it, but they seem to be the minority.

I don't allow my kids to play it. (11,10,6&4) They have just dance and that's it. They don't ask for it.

Fortnite is rated 12. a 9yo with responsible parents will not be playing it at all.

I am a responsible parent and when there is a game my child asks to play I do the responsible thing and research it first to see for myself what the content is. Anything 16+ (e.g., CoD, GTA, etc.) is a flat out no but anything rated 12 and below I will consider on a case by case basis. As a general idea, these are the age ratings for games he currently plays. I either played them myself first or I watched videos of other people playing them or I went off my own knowledge of that particular franchise (e.g., Zelda).

Pokemon Red/Blue - 12
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate - 12
Zelda: Breath of the Wild - 12
Minecraft - 7
Mega Drive Classics - 12
Terraria - 12
Star Wars Pinball - 12
Plants v Zombies - 7

If a game is soaking up so much of a child's waking time, what about all the other regular childhood, constructive, educational, social, enjoyable and family things are they not getting to do?

This is why we have rules which my DC are aware of and which they know will be enforced.

• all consoles are in family/communal areas, they don't have any in their bedrooms
• there are time limits on how long they can spend gaming on consoles, they can earn extra time but that too is limited
• no consoles before school or after 8pm, no consoles until reading and homework are done
• any negative behaviours such as shouting or getting upset and it goes off
• any aggression, anger, refusal to turn it off, fighting over whose turn it is or other associated behaviours and not only does it get switched off, they don't get it back again for the rest of that day

I'm instilling good gaming habits now, while they're young, so that when they get old enough to do their own thing they will hopefully carry it on.

They have a good balance. They will play for a bit but they also play outside, play in their rooms, read, draw, go out places, etc. They have days where they don't bother with the console at all if they're busy with other things.

I agree with everything @NearlyGranny said. I am also an educator with 20 years experience and you can really see the difference in children who play video games. It's actually quite frightening. I have been very careful with my children

I haven’t met a child who doesn’t play some form of video game or another - iPad apps, games on their parents phone, Hit the Button on Top Marks in the classroom, Mario Kart all included. I’ve met plenty of adults who don’t understand them though and therefore are scared of them or don’t impose appropriate boundaries if they do allow access (which is what causes the issues). A boy peeing and shitting into rubbish in his room is purely down to inadequate supervision.

I had to make an account on here to reply to this thread because it's pretty important matter, hey I'm a 24 year old man who's always been into video games and stuff, I've played alot of games, alot of nice ones, alot of not so nice ones.

More to the point, fortnite.. as a person who has played since the first week the game came out over 2 years ago, I would highly advise ALL parents of ALL kids on here to remove fortnite instantly, the addiction level on this is too high, the developers of the game make everything in the game play with your head, they make it so most people get close to winning and feel that rush they get, as it happens more and more they want it more and more. Let me explain my journey on it to make it easier.

When I first started playing and came close to my first win, It got me excited.. as it should.. but as the months went by I noticed game hours were going up, I was losing track of my real life, I stopped going out, stopped seeing my family/friends, dropped my girlfriend, got put on final warnings at work for it turning up pretending to be ill 5 times a year because I wanted to play fortnite.. in 2 years I have around 300 DAYS game time, wasted 3k-5k GPD(english money) on skins. Now I'm isolated alone and depressed, I've went from living on my own in a luxury apartment to living at my sister's. but luckily I realised, I managed to stop it's a bad game, VERY BAD GAME if you do let your child on, do NOT allow more than 2 hours, please do not allow your children to ruin themselves, their education etc.

As others have stated.. aslong side the addiction stuff, the community is EXTREMELY toxic, you go into 95% of games it's either got little kids calling each other swears, telling people to go die/rape your family etc, or it's fully grown adults bullying little kids, especially foreigners it's the eastern countries I've found to be so toxic. I used to never use Mic with anyone I didn't know because I couldn't be arsed with it. I turned voice chat off too when it got too toxic and boring.

Please listen to me, as one of the most experienced fortnite players out there, Don't let your children play!!!! even grand theft auto is better than fortnite when it comes to how safe your child's mind is. goodluck and don't let them fail like me.

I don't understand why parents make such a big deal about of this game. 🤷‍♀️ I played and watched much worse when I was his age. My son is 10 and he's been playing fortnite for the past 2 years. He's still the same boy. He hasn't become addicted or aggressive. 🙄 If we come across idiots on there we just mute them. It's not an overly violent game. No blood, guts, or gore. I play the game myself and honestly you spend most of the game running around trying to find shields , bandages 😂 and running away from the storm. When you do finally come across another team, you build, you shoot, you die. No drama, no morbid, mentally scaring deaths, a little robot comes and you go back to the lobby. My son and his friends get fed up of the main game and end up playing playground or creative, which they find VERY fun because they can do pretty much anything. They can make mazes together, or simply fly around in aeroplanes, they can fish, fight monsters, race around in cars, hover boards even shopping trollies, you can even make houses, or your own towns etc etc it's not all about competition and fighting. In creative people have even made there own games that people need to try and complete. Like.. the first to collect all the coins wins, hide and seek type games, etc etc there was a game not long ago where one team turn into objects like plants, or teddy bears and they have to hide, and the other team have to find them, yes okay they shoot them when they find them, but it's just how the game is done. It really is harmless. Just remember your mum, your rules. Still pay attention to who he's interacting with, limit his time on there, a good normal match lasts around 20mins, creative and playground are set at 3 hrs, you can block and mute anyone you don't like, and you can now set parental settings on the game etc, maybe both of you can have a play around, so you get a feel of what it's about too? I'm a gamer soooo I naturally play these things, but fortnite other than maybe Minecraft, Lego and his aeroplane games etc are the only games my son plays. I won't let him play gears or war, call of duty, grand theft auto etc etc or any other games like that because they are ALOT more violent with alot more swearing. As a gamer myself and a parent I do think fortnite is ok. 🤷‍♀️

This is scare mongering. A good kid who plays fortnite or any other game, just doesn't just turn into a monster. You can't just dump your child on ANY game and not parent them. You HAVE to set times, you HAVE to say NO sometimes, rules still have to be in place, home work, chores, family time, family outings etc etc as for grooming and bullying etc etc simple fix BLOCK OR MUTE! A child of a certain age should be told and made aware of such people. My son knows not to give out his FULL NAME, his address, his school, he doesn't know the password to his account, I control it all. You have to put safe guards in place on practically everything these days, even some of the mobile apps that parents innocently let their child play to keep them occupied. It's all about balance.

I didn’t allow mine (who were both under 12 when it came out). Now that DS is actually 12 he has no interest in playing anyway! Lots of kids in their classes weren’t allowed to play.

I just don't get gaming at all. Couldn't think of anything more boring than being glued to a video game, watching someone else play a game or talking about video games.

I work with children and those that are big gamers have zero interest in anything else. It's extremely hard to engage them in other normal childhood activities.

I absolutely cannot believe one of you just suggested that GTA was better suited to a child than Fortnite! Building a fort, dancing around and shooting each other with zero gore or death in a cartoon environment does not compare to the gritty realism of GTA; where you can brutally murder people, have sex with prostitutes, steal cars (among other things) witness drug abuse and be involved in various story driven scenarios regarding gangs and general law breaking. What is wrong with you? An absolute troll post if ever I've seen one. I've been gaming for a lot, lot longer than you (and all my family do too!) and we haven't suffered a single negative consequence. My children are still wonderful to be around despite playing Fortnite; which sometimes they actively choose not to play for days at a time. They're still charming, intelligent, thoughtful, polite and communicative. Myself and my partner also function perfectly well despite growing up as gamers.

Literally your being mean restricting his time my sons litteraly have unlimited screen time and they make their own boundaries. And really your worried about him playing fortnite, it's not like it's gta or cod

I think if this thread proves anytjing its that people's experiences are wildly different and lots of factors come into that. To dismiss all bad gaming experiences as poor parenting anf failure to set limits is disingenuous. Its clear that the vast majority of pp on here are very active, concerned parents. They do and have set limits, imposed sanctions etc but their kids have still been negatively affected. If yours hasnt, great but don't just assume that anyone else is a poorer parent than you. Same goes for all parenting, be it potty trainung. Sleep, food fusiness etc. Sometimes its easy, sometimes its nit because kids develop and react differently. There are enough worrying anecdotes over this game in particular to be wary of it surely and peer pressure is never a good reason to do anything.

@adamh1995

Just read what you have written to my son who agreed with what you have written.

Even though he thinks unfortunately you have had an extreme addiction that he never was given the chance to develop!

He concurs with the appalling language that can be used by young 10 and 11 year olds allowed to play it.

In his experience they were American.

Fortunately our sons have very limited time on the PS4, as much because we are so focused on their education as anything else.

I absolutely believe the testimonials of the educator's that have been posted.

It is not a game for young children to be playing.

Well said, people are clueless here, most haven't even played the game themself! Guys take it from someone who has actually played and seen the effects it has on adults let alone children! It's not just an innocent game because there is No blood or gore, the danger isn't your child going out to harm others, it's your child forgetting themselves, forgetting the real world, becoming toxicated from a highly addictive gane, if you want your child growing up, possibly depressed, angry or disrespectful please be my guest carry on but remember what I've wrote here and realise, just because the game has no blood means it's harmless, this game will have a psycological effect just trust me! Search on Google a simple search will tell you how fortnite is using serious psychological techniques to keep people playing, spending money etc. Look at it this way kids now bully even adults bully each other over skins. Think about that next time you claim this game is harmless, I'm sorry but I'm an expert in the sense of knowing about the game most of you are just parents who only see it as a game.

Well said, people are clueless here, most haven't even played the game themself! Guys take it from someone who has actually played and seen the effects it has on adults let alone children

Except many of us have played the game for ourselves and we have ground rules for playing which are enforced and we have not seen the behaviour you're describing perhaps because we would clamp down on it pretty sharpish if we did as others on the thread have done with their DC.

Yeah well just from playing fortnite your kid isn't going to start acting dangerously in real life

I respect everyone's own way of upbringing, but from my point of view I told my children that they can go on their consoles but just for not too long and they respect that, because I'm not restricting time they understand that and respect me

My DS 11 plays it and has done for about the last 2 years. All his friends have it and I know they do because he chats to them while playing. I personally think it is fine and I wouldn't want him excluded from something he enjoys that all his friends are doing. I think as long as you limit how long he plays, no harm done. I think you're being a little harsh.

My guy, I agree

@adamh1995 - I've been playing games for over 27 years. (Fortnite included; currently tier 140.) I'm also a parent with two young sons who both play Fortnite and other games, so I certainly wouldn't class myself as clueless. I'm sorry that you've had such a negative and addictive experience with gaming but you're an adult, so I'm assuming you didn't have a parent telling you that you couldn't/shouldn't spend 3k on Fortnite, limiting your screen time and supervising you in general? If you did, I'll also assume you had the opportunity to ignore everybody and state that you were an adult free to make your own choices and mistakes? Consider your experience again; if somebody had not given you the funds, the screen time and the freedom to ignore your responsibilities, couldn't the game just be the occasional, harmless blast of fun? For my family it is.

No primary aged child should be playing this. The moment we give in to peer pressure we may as well kiss goodbye to the ability to parent going forward. Forget it when they get to secondary, we won't have a chance.