to not let my 9 year old play Fortnite?

[Cultoffortnite]

Having a debated with DP over this as our Year 5 boy is claiming to be the only one in his class not playing Fortnite, which means he's getting left out as his mates play online together. I know that several of his close friends DO play ( older siblings in the house playing).

DP can be a bit of a 'Disney' parent and wants DS to have Fortnite. I object on the grounds that :
it's a 1st person shooter game aimed at 12+
it's violence dressed up as something else
We have a Wii Switch and DS can play that
We're strict on gaming time - usually reserved for weekends and this will be another screen/game to be battling with over time played
DS behaviour has been quite challenging recently and I don't really thin

So wise women and men of Mumsnet - should I give in? I'm wavering I have to admit and wondering if I'm being too draconian and being THAT parent.

[Spied]

My DS 10 ays and has done for the last year.
I didn't want him to be the only one of his mates without it. They all chat together while playing and tbh I just didn't want him to be left out.
However
Since playing Fortnite ds's behaviour has declined. He is moody, swearing and generally obnoxious. If asked (forced) to come off the game and do something else there is a huge meltdown.
All other tasks/ things like homework are rushed and done badly in order to get back on the game.
There are constant meltdowns if we don't buy him v-bucks and huge competition over who has the most/best skins and dances, axes etc....
All other hobbies have been abandoned.
I feel like we have lost control at times and I wish it had never been invented.

[Venger]

Spied, take it away, hide the worse if you have to but don't stand for it. Tell him it will be gone for a week and he will get it back if/when his attitude changes and you see an improvement in his behaviour. No improvement, add another week. Before he gets it back explain why it was removed and impose conditions like a time limit, no real life money to be spent, removal for breaking the rules, etc. We use a digital timer for DS so he can see how much time he has and he responds well to visual prompts like this. He lost his a few times in the beginning for being shouty and arguing with his siblings over turns, ironically while playing Minecraft rather than Fortnite, and it was unpleasant for a day while he huffed about how unfair we were then he was fine.

[Venger]

Worse = wires

[Im16lol]

I am a 16 year old kid. First of all if you limit your child to having minimal time on the game then there's more chance of addiction as he will probably be thinking about the game all day whereas if he spent more time on it he will get abit bored of the game to an extent of not wanting to overplay the game. Or at least be satisfied with his play time. Also 12+ is a recommendation same with films. I've played Grand theft auto since i was about 5 but i was allowed because i didn't know anything about drugs and sex then and i liked driving around and running people over.

[MsRomanoff]

DS, 8, plays it.

He has chat option on, but anyone we dont know gets rejected. He only chats with his 2 cousins and his auntie.

His auntie and I play together on together too.

Its fun. I imagine it could be addictive. But that's why most families have rules around consoles.

I dont find violent. Funny usually.

[MsRomanoff]

No primary aged child should be playing this. The moment we give in to peer pressure we may as well kiss goodbye to the ability to parent going forward. Forget it when they get to secondary, we won't have a chance.

Dont be ridiculous. I also have a child going to uni this year. Not had any issues with her. It's possible to balance things in any situation.

[ilovetofu]

I don't let mine play it.

[SadForNoReason]

DS is 8, he doesn't play. He plays Roblox. I've said he can play fortnite when he goes to big school. He's happy enough with that, but we don't have any peer pressure - none of his friends play fortnite. Perhaps in year 6, if all his friends play, I'll let him - but with boundaries and keeping an eye on behaviour and screen time

[MsRomanoff]

In fact, after reading this thread, I am off to have a couple of games

[AutumnColours9]

My DS is 11 and has played for over 2 years now. His behaviour is perfect and have never had any issues whatsoever from it or any other gaming. Let him have a bit of fun!!

[Venger]

He plays Roblox

Mine play Fortnite but I don't let them play Roblox

[Natty2909]

Oh wow! Really? This is shocking. I am very sorry that this has happened. Maybe some kids are just not ready for the game. My son is 10 being playing for about a year and half, I thought it was 2 but it was after he turned 9 if I remember right, but anyway.... It hasn't effected my son like this at all. I must admit we've he's gone bed a little later than expected during the holidays but that's about it. If I tell him to come off he comes off, homework etc is still all done. Etc I do remember his friend who is a little younger than him his mother saying she was having a bit of a problem getting her son off too, but my son's other friend who is same age has no problems either and comes off when asked etc etc I suppose it all depends on the kid, and I guess as parents know their kids better than anyone, it REALLY is up to the parent to decide if their child is mature enough to play it.

[Baxterbear]

Fortnite isn't as violent as you may think it is and programmes such as Horrible Histories are far more gory! If your son is feeling left out then why not let him play with his mates? You aren't doing him any favours by singling him out and it seems to me that excluding him is creating distance in his friendship circle. Let the kid live a little!

[Spied]

@Venger digital timer is great idea!
I will be imposing rules and do try.
Current MH issues mean I really can't cope with his meltdowns and I have been letting a lot of this bad behaviour carry on.
Your idea has spurred me on.

[Wasrelaxing]

I actually just asked my 16 year old if a 9 year old should have access to fortnight and he says no.
His reasoning is the chat/mic side of it as you can talk to anyone.

[MsRomanoff]

His reasoning is the chat/mic side of it as you can talk to anyone.

He doesnr play it does he.

You dont have to have chat function. We dont. When playing with friends we call in what's app.

And you can control who they speak to. Dont leave young children alone.

[Venger]

Current MH issues mean I really can't cope with his meltdowns and I have been letting a lot of this bad behaviour carry on.

@Spied, all any of us can do for our DC is the best we can with the resources available to us. That includes mental and emotional resources too

And you can control who they speak to. Dont leave young children alone

Exactly this. A console is like any other piece of internet enabled kit. If you wouldn't let them take a laptop into their room unsupervised, why would you let them take the console?

[billy1966]

The parents whom will listen to caution and be advised, will be advised, the rest will justify their lives.

Such is life.

Good to all.

[HeatedDryer]

My rules around gaming, including Fortnite, are

If it starts to affect your behaviour, your sleep, your school work or your moods then I will impose restrictions.

Both my 10 year old and 15 year old have unlimited gaming time. They both self regulate, always come off without argument when asked (usually given 5 minute warning to finish whatever game they're playing) and have a wide range of non gaming activities and interests. Biking, tennis, martial arts, swimming, and more.

Yes of course you have to be the parent and be in charge but you also need to give your children a chance to prove that they can be responsible. This is the age we live in, it is very far removed from the world I grew up in but we have to adapt and try and gain an understanding of their world, advamces in technology are not about to slow down.

[Instagrrr]

Year 5 here, he’s in a class of about 34 and I would say less than half play fortnite (that we know of) We’ve said no for now. It’s a 12 and he’s also ASD so worry about the obsessive/addictive nature of it

[chyfy]

I'd personally let them play. My nephew plays at 6 years old (which I personally think is too young). Epic games is pretty considerate in the fact that it doesnt use violent terminology either- you don't kill people you knock them and eliminate them- little things like this help. There's no blood or gore and it is very cartoony. If you dont like the eliminating players aspect, there is also a creative mode, where you can build your own stuff or play on other player creations where elimination may not be the goal- there's obstacle courses and various other things. Parental controls are all there for you to lock down so your child cant end up talking to a stranger on their team. Lastly, I noticed some people saying dont give in to peer pressure which as a parent is fine for you but at the end of it, your child is left out, isolated and kids can be mean, they will make fun. Keep your same boundaries in place with only playing on weekends etc because it is addictive but so is every game if someone enjoys it enough. I also agree with what a few others said. This game is a 12+ because of online and chat functions. I'd say it would be rated 7+ otherwise. Happy gaming.

[McSmith]

My Y6 son and Y5 daughter play Fortnite, it's cartoon violence no worse than a PG film. They also love the Creative play where they can build their own obstacle courses etc. Chat is limited to friends only. Screen time is restricted and they both understand that screen time is a privilege not a right - any poor behaviour will result in a ban.

The one caveat is that games are usually 20mins long and it isn't possible to pause it. Allow plenty of warning for meal times!

[NowSissyThatWalk]

My SS is FOUR and his mum and dad both let him play it, his mum for hours and hours on end.

I hate it. I've made my feelings clear to DH. He is just too young for it and he can't handle it. He screams, he shouts, he's started shouting 'you crackhead!' at others playing (I know). He's awful to get off, and things he used to love like walks and reading he hates now because it's time taken away from Fortnite. All his siblings play it and it's now all they talk about.
What can I do, not my circus not my monkeys. But you do have the power and I would seriously consider treading very very carefully.

[EatDessertFirst]

My 9yo son plays it at his disney dads. I won't allow it in my house.

Its rated 12 for a reason, is incredibly addictive and when my son comes home I get the begging and stupid behaviour that comes from playing it. No thanks.

Console time in our home is limited to 1 hour per day on age appropriate games after all school work is done. The limits prevent the aggression and begging as he knows I will remove his allowance if he acts that way.

I couldn't give a monkeys what his mates parents let them do.