to not let my 9 year old play Fortnite?

[Cultoffortnite]

Having a debated with DP over this as our Year 5 boy is claiming to be the only one in his class not playing Fortnite, which means he's getting left out as his mates play online together. I know that several of his close friends DO play ( older siblings in the house playing).

DP can be a bit of a 'Disney' parent and wants DS to have Fortnite. I object on the grounds that :
it's a 1st person shooter game aimed at 12+
it's violence dressed up as something else
We have a Wii Switch and DS can play that
We're strict on gaming time - usually reserved for weekends and this will be another screen/game to be battling with over time played
DS behaviour has been quite challenging recently and I don't really thin

So wise women and men of Mumsnet - should I give in? I'm wavering I have to admit and wondering if I'm being too draconian and being THAT parent.

[dannydyerismydad]

I worked for 15 years in the games industry. Age ratings are there for a reason. Gaming is a big part of our family life, but as part of a "balanced diet" of other activities. Games need to be age appropriate and no free to play junk gaming designed to encourage addictive behaviours and the purchase of add ons.

[chellochello]

If my DS (10) didn't play it he'd have very limited contact with his school friends during this lockdown - most of his school class play together - often not in the battle mode but the creative mode and it's a great way for them to keep in touch - he'd feel very left out and isolated it he wasn't allowed. He gets an hour or so each evening on it and whilst he does have a moan about having to come off once its switch off he can forget about it and concentrate on other things

[Spied]

And the cost also needs to be considered.
It's not really free!

[Spied]

If you are already worrying about the battle to keep him off it then don't agree to him having it. Fortnite has had a detrimental effect on my DS's behaviour.
He was never like this on any other game.

[Thurmanmurman]

My nearly 8 year old plays it. I was dead against it at first but have set strict rules around it. He can only play with friends for 30 mins a day and any whiff of him becoming angry or obsessed over it and he won’t be allowed to play. I allowed him because he can’t see his friends much at the moment and at least he’s connecting with them. We tried Zoom calls but 8 year old boys are not the best conversationalists with each other and it mainly consisted of shouting out silly things to one another and changing their names to ridiculous things. It does depend on the child to an extent.

[Yeahnahmum]

Don't give in to the classic 'but all my friends do it' op

[Chipsahoy]

I don't get the addiction thing from my kids. They are 9 and 12, and probably play it once a week. They much prefer minecraft.

[Wejustdontknow]

I let my ds7 have it when lockdown started, he has been able to add friends from school and they can chat whilst playing together and he loves it, I don’t think the violence is an issue but do understand that the rating is due to the online chat element. We have the PS4 in the living room and I am around to monitor as he plays. We have had no issues with behavior or turning off when told but he did at the beginning ask for vbucks constantly. We have agreed he can have his weekly spending money on it but none of his birthday/Xmas money and once it’s gone it’s gone, this has been a bit of a learning curve but a great way to learn money management as he was initially spending it all straight away but he has now learnt to save for the battle pass/skins that might come into the shop

[Waveysnail]

I dont get people who say its cartoon like. The people characters look like people not really cartoon characters. Battle royal you go around hunting other plays with realistic looking weapons work out best way to kill them.

People when.injured crawl around the floor and you shoot them etc to kill them.

It's pretty disturbing

[Waveysnail]

OP I'm having same struggle but dh agrees with me. We got it for our 11 year old a month ago - 12 in sept as all his friends were playing it. We watched him play it.

When people are injured they crawl around the floor. Headshot encouraged as kills quicker. Weapons are life like as are the people.

I have 7 yr old and a 9 yr old who seems.to be only ones in class not playing it sadly. But I'm not having my kids shooting characters in the head with lifelike guns

[EatDessertFirst]

My 9yo son plays it at his disney dads. I won't allow it in my house.

Its rated 12 for a reason, is incredibly addictive and when my son comes home I get the begging and stupid behaviour that comes from playing it. No thanks.

Console time in our home is limited to 1 hour per day on age appropriate games after all school work is done. The limits prevent the aggression and begging as he knows I will remove his allowance if he acts that way.

I couldn't give a monkeys what his mates parents let them do.

[NowSissyThatWalk]

My SS is FOUR and his mum and dad both let him play it, his mum for hours and hours on end.

I hate it. I've made my feelings clear to DH. He is just too young for it and he can't handle it. He screams, he shouts, he's started shouting 'you crackhead!' at others playing (I know). He's awful to get off, and things he used to love like walks and reading he hates now because it's time taken away from Fortnite. All his siblings play it and it's now all they talk about.
What can I do, not my circus not my monkeys. But you do have the power and I would seriously consider treading very very carefully.

[McSmith]

My Y6 son and Y5 daughter play Fortnite, it's cartoon violence no worse than a PG film. They also love the Creative play where they can build their own obstacle courses etc. Chat is limited to friends only. Screen time is restricted and they both understand that screen time is a privilege not a right - any poor behaviour will result in a ban.

The one caveat is that games are usually 20mins long and it isn't possible to pause it. Allow plenty of warning for meal times!

[chyfy]

I'd personally let them play. My nephew plays at 6 years old (which I personally think is too young). Epic games is pretty considerate in the fact that it doesnt use violent terminology either- you don't kill people you knock them and eliminate them- little things like this help. There's no blood or gore and it is very cartoony. If you dont like the eliminating players aspect, there is also a creative mode, where you can build your own stuff or play on other player creations where elimination may not be the goal- there's obstacle courses and various other things. Parental controls are all there for you to lock down so your child cant end up talking to a stranger on their team. Lastly, I noticed some people saying dont give in to peer pressure which as a parent is fine for you but at the end of it, your child is left out, isolated and kids can be mean, they will make fun. Keep your same boundaries in place with only playing on weekends etc because it is addictive but so is every game if someone enjoys it enough. I also agree with what a few others said. This game is a 12+ because of online and chat functions. I'd say it would be rated 7+ otherwise. Happy gaming.

[Instagrrr]

Year 5 here, he’s in a class of about 34 and I would say less than half play fortnite (that we know of) We’ve said no for now. It’s a 12 and he’s also ASD so worry about the obsessive/addictive nature of it

[HeatedDryer]

My rules around gaming, including Fortnite, are

If it starts to affect your behaviour, your sleep, your school work or your moods then I will impose restrictions.

Both my 10 year old and 15 year old have unlimited gaming time. They both self regulate, always come off without argument when asked (usually given 5 minute warning to finish whatever game they're playing) and have a wide range of non gaming activities and interests. Biking, tennis, martial arts, swimming, and more.

Yes of course you have to be the parent and be in charge but you also need to give your children a chance to prove that they can be responsible. This is the age we live in, it is very far removed from the world I grew up in but we have to adapt and try and gain an understanding of their world, advamces in technology are not about to slow down.

[billy1966]

The parents whom will listen to caution and be advised, will be advised, the rest will justify their lives.

Such is life.

Good to all.

[Venger]

Current MH issues mean I really can't cope with his meltdowns and I have been letting a lot of this bad behaviour carry on.

@Spied, all any of us can do for our DC is the best we can with the resources available to us. That includes mental and emotional resources too

And you can control who they speak to. Dont leave young children alone

Exactly this. A console is like any other piece of internet enabled kit. If you wouldn't let them take a laptop into their room unsupervised, why would you let them take the console?

[MsRomanoff]

His reasoning is the chat/mic side of it as you can talk to anyone.

He doesnr play it does he.

You dont have to have chat function. We dont. When playing with friends we call in what's app.

And you can control who they speak to. Dont leave young children alone.

[Wasrelaxing]

I actually just asked my 16 year old if a 9 year old should have access to fortnight and he says no.
His reasoning is the chat/mic side of it as you can talk to anyone.

[Spied]

@Venger digital timer is great idea!
I will be imposing rules and do try.
Current MH issues mean I really can't cope with his meltdowns and I have been letting a lot of this bad behaviour carry on.
Your idea has spurred me on.

[Baxterbear]

Fortnite isn't as violent as you may think it is and programmes such as Horrible Histories are far more gory! If your son is feeling left out then why not let him play with his mates? You aren't doing him any favours by singling him out and it seems to me that excluding him is creating distance in his friendship circle. Let the kid live a little!

[Natty2909]

Oh wow! Really? This is shocking. I am very sorry that this has happened. Maybe some kids are just not ready for the game. My son is 10 being playing for about a year and half, I thought it was 2 but it was after he turned 9 if I remember right, but anyway.... It hasn't effected my son like this at all. I must admit we've he's gone bed a little later than expected during the holidays but that's about it. If I tell him to come off he comes off, homework etc is still all done. Etc I do remember his friend who is a little younger than him his mother saying she was having a bit of a problem getting her son off too, but my son's other friend who is same age has no problems either and comes off when asked etc etc I suppose it all depends on the kid, and I guess as parents know their kids better than anyone, it REALLY is up to the parent to decide if their child is mature enough to play it.

[Venger]

He plays Roblox

Mine play Fortnite but I don't let them play Roblox