In court today. Terrified

[bakabakabeyond]

In court today regarding child arrangements order. I'm witholding access from my ex to our 1 year old as he is abusive, physically and emotionally. I left him with the help of women's aid and a local charity when he started showing signs of abuse towards our son.

He has made numerous false allegations about me in court. They are very transparent and have only cropped up after he told CAFCASS he had no concerns.

My allegations towards him are pretty extensive and all true. When I am giving evidence in court I will prove this as the truth is easy to recall

I am terrified of him. Scared I will bump in to him. The whole court process is making me unwell

Any unmumsnetty hand holds?

Keep thinking ‘this is for the long term’ good luck.

Good luck

Please come back and let us know how you get on.

The circles of women around us weave invisible nets of love that carry us when we're weak, and sing with us when we are strong.

Sark'

I feel like the magistrates are going to be judgemental of my severely anxious state. My ex is so good at gaslighting me. I hate the allegations he and his arsehole dad have made up

@bakabakabeyond the magistrate will know that he's the reason you're in the state you're in. Don't worry.

Best of luck, you can definitely do this.

Good luck. Deep breaths. Remember this is your step to freedom and peace for you and your little one to grow up in. Thinking of you

You protect your child & speak the truth- you are strong & brave.
Thinking of you.

Ah, OP, big hand-hold from me, and a hug too. You're being really brave. Hope it all goes well and the court sees through your ex's lies.

I have to go to court for work sometimes and have had quite a bit of training.
You need to help the judge make his/her mind up, that’s what court is for. Keep your feet pointed toward the judge, turn your top half towards the lawyers when they ask you a question but you’ll always end up turning back giving your answer to the judge. Plus you don’t see any theatrics ie eye rolling or shaking of heads in incredulity from ex or his team. They do this to provoke a reaction but if you can’t see them then there’s no problem.
Ask for a glass of water - when you’re being questioned pick the glass up and take a sip. This will buy you time to think.
Deep breaths, smile at the judge if possible or appropriate and the very best of luck.
You’ve got this 😎

If you are anxious or even vomit, they will know for sure that your ex is a bastard. They will sniff out the lies.
Good luck Baka.
for afterwards when you feel like eating again.

This time tomorrow it will be over and you will be fine.

Try to imagine all the mumnetters surrounding you supporting you.

The court will know your anxiety is because of him, they will not hold it against you, if anything it will probably help.

Good luck and hand hold
No experience but I' would be inclined to remain factual and don't get angry, let him show his true colours to the court whilst you remain calm, factual and you'll be emotional in sure as it's a big thing but he'll likely show his true colours if he doesn't like something

You are so brave. You are fighting for your son, so he has a chance to grow up without that horrible man as a model of what a father and husband is like. Keep you head high, feel the fear but fight through it, be truthful. Feel the love and support of all the people who love you. We will be rooting for you! Big hugs!

Wishing you the very best
It is all so scary this is a normal
reaction

Best of luck op, you’re doing amazingly well. You have truth on your side, stay strong

Chin up, tell the truth, don't feel the need to volunteer information/extrapolate. Just answer any questions truthfully.

Another handhold and luck from me.

Stay calm, tell the truth & remember you are doing this to protect you & DD. He's having to resort to lies.

Good luck. You can do this. You are a strong brave fighter who is doing this because you are a great mum and know that it is the best thing for your child.

Best wishes for today. You will be fine. You are strong and brave.

Thanks everyone. I feel so sick. I was told that magistrates don't like it when you cry as it looks manipulative. I honestly don't have the ability to cry on cue. The reality is, I ran away from this man after he three things at me, made me feel small and ugly, hurt me, hurt my child (the worst of all), and was horrifically abusive in every way. I don't know if I will be able to hold my tears in.

Imagine if this was a stranger who did this to you and your child. What would you do?
Pretend he is not there do not retaliate. State the facts. Don't justify. Explain calmly.
He won't win.
YOU are strong.

Best of luck, OP. In my experience, you don't really have to say very much in these kind of hearings so try not to panic too much x

Have my first ever Mumsnet handhold, I'll give you both of my hands. You are awesome.

I have been through all the abuse to
Got some great advice here
Hold your head high
Will be thinking of you all throughout today
This WILL PASS

Handholds from me too.

You got away from him, you can do this too.

He's a nothing. You are awesome.