Vegetarians shouldn't have to buy meat?

[Whuut]

So a relative of mine is getting married next year and her and her partner went vegetarian a few years ago for many reasons, one being they didn't want to contribute to the meat industry. They have decided at the wedding to have the meal completely vegetarian. I think this is fine and for one meal people can deal without meat- I do get that some people struggle without it but I think for the sake of one meal at someone else's wedding, you'd just deal with it. What I think is harsh, a few other family members are constantly telling her they should have a meat option and making her feel bad about their decision.

Aibu to think they shouldn't have to have meat at their wedding when one of the main reasons they gave it up was to do with not wanting to contribute to the industry?

I'm on the fence here... Totally fine with eating a vegetarian meal and veggie food can be delicious. It's one meal and it's the couple's choice what they have, so everyone else should just get on with it.

HOWEVER. For me, this is yet another example where meat eaters are expected to cater for vegetarians but the courtesy is barely ever returned. I have never been to a meal at a veggie's house where they've done something with meat for my family, yet if they come to me I make sure the meal will be something they will also enjoy.

I wouldn't be rude enough to complain about it to the couple though.

How would (meat-eating) people feel if guests were demanding dog on the menu?

If all the family were dog eaters and it was an important part of their food culture and it was easily available (bit of a stretch, but I see the point) then I would have dog. There is no moral superiority in food choices.

For me guests being comfortable is quite a big part of the wedding. Yes, guests should suck it up politely, but so could the couple. Nobody is being 'sickening' (as one poster says) for their dietary choices.

For me, this is yet another example where meat eaters are expected to cater for vegetarians but the courtesy is barely ever returned

Oh sorry, I thought we were talking about people, ie omnivores, not carnivores like cats, who only eat meat, not a mixed meat, veg and grain etc diet like people do.

We don't need to eat meat at every meal, or that often or at all, so a vegetarian meal is catering for vegetarians and non-vegetarians alike.

No-one would expect a Muslim or Jewish person to cook pork and it's equally ridiculous to expect to expect vegetarians to cook meat due to a misguided notion that just because someone is not vegetarian, then they must have meat at every meal in order to be 'catered for'.

They feel just as strongly about this as the animal rightists feel meat is wrong.

I don't think so. Meat eaters don't feel it is morally/ethically/environmentally important to eat meat. I say this as a meat eater.

Of course they should have just veggie food if that's what they want!

No-one would expect a Muslim or Jewish person to cook pork and it's equally ridiculous to expect to expect vegetarians to cook meat due to a misguided notion that just because someone is not vegetarian, then they must have meat at every meal in order to be 'catered for'

No, but it would be courteous. Presumably you’d like your guests to be comfortable? To enjoy themselves? Every single one? I would. I wouldn’t let any ideals of mine, within reason, get in the way of that. It isn’t difficult to have at least one meat option on the menu. It you cant’t do that, you’re just trying to making a point and your guests will know it.

You seriously would want Jewish and Muslim couples getting married to have pork on the menu to ‘be courteous’?

Their wedding their choice. It’s just one meal. If guests feel that put out by it they are more than welcome not to attend.

There's nothing wrong with a vegetarian wedding though playing devil's advocate, the bride would expect you to provide her with a vegetarian meal if the tables were reversed. The argument veggies say is that meat eaters can forgo meat for one day whereas vegetarians need special catering because they don't want meat, the problem is that the older generation/fuss pots who only eat meat and two veg may really struggle, it's why (western) wedding food tends to be quite boring sticking to chicken and veg

@GeorgiaGirl52

We got invited to an alcohol free wedding and it saved a fortune because everyone brought their own, if anything people got drunker. I've no problem with not paying for alcohol but you can't dictate what adults drink, no wonder they passed on coming ... personally I don't drink soft drinks, juices etc because I hate sweet things, I drink water if I'm driving or herbal tea ... neither suitable for a wedding reception.

The examples given of how carnivores often have a bowl of cereal or beans of toast are also beyond the point, as most people do not expect these dishes at a wedding.

But @aurynne, in your post you said you felt unsatisfied by any meal without meat, not just a wedding meal, and that is why you wouldn’t like a vegetarian wedding. That’s the view people are responding to.

We had a vegetarian wedding, back in 1993 when vegetarianism wasn’t really mainstream. Our wedding lunch was at our favourite Chinese restaurant, where they routinely had a separate vegetarian menu. Some relatives didn’t come, but that was mostly because they were Catholic and disapproved of the whole day, including the registry office. No great loss to us!

My wife and a I are both vegetarian (she’s vegan). I think it’s totally reasonable for them to have all vegetarian options. That said, if we were getting married now, I reckon we’d probably go with, say, two vegan or vegetarian option plus one chicken/fish option. Just to keep everyone happy as imo the wedding day is about everyone having a fun day together and we are not “radical” in our dietary preferences if you see what I mean. Definitely no pork or beef though...

Loving the idea that vegetarianism is “radical”!

Our friends are veggie .We enjoy different food and party type snacks which are non meat. Surely they can suck it up (literally)! for a day? Or just look forward to desserts ,cake and lots and lots to drink!

Why tell people it is vegetarian? Just ask people their dietary requirements/allergies etc as normal.

No pretending Quorn is meat though, some of us have allergies to it with severely disgusting effects...

I’m a vegetarian, if I get married dead animals will not feature at my wedding. If someone would rather eat a dead animal than attend my wedding then that’s their choice.

Why tell people it is vegetarian? Just ask people their dietary requirements/allergies etc as normal.

I was thinking the same thing, although it does rather contradict what I said about alcohol free mitigation. I suppose telling people in advance enables them to stick a ham sandwich in their pockets if they want.

Honestly I am with the wedding couple. I don’t believe those making a fuss never eat a meal without meat in it.

I went to a wedding where it was beef or vegetarian. I choose the latter and was really excited to see what was served. It was fabulous.

the bride would expect you to provide her with a vegetarian meal if the tables were reversed

I’m a veggie, I’ve been to a wedding where the only option was a hog roast. I just ate the sides and went to dominoes afterwards. I wouldn’t expect anyone to cater for me at their wedding, it’s my choice to be vegetarian.

@FamilyOfAliens
I guess radical was the wrong, I just meant I know a person who can’t sit next to others when they are consuming meat. Most people are relatively more relaxed than that.

I'm severely allergic to tomatoes (in all forms) and would seriously struggle to eat anything at a veggie meal but even I would accept it's the bride and groom's day. They're paying a lot of money for their wedding to have their day how they want it. I certainly wouldn't expect a meat alternative if I knew them well enough to understand that they don't want to purchase meat - it's fair enough!

To the PP who suggested beans on toast - I'm not sure that would help me

The omnivore (“meat eater”) analogy doesn’t work.
You just need to provide people with something that doesn’t break their religious/ethical code. It doesn’t have to be their preferred dish. A better example would be that if their was someone on a strict meat only diet for religious/health reasons, then yes, the vegetarian couple should cater for him/her if they want him/her to attend!

I think most vegetarians would think it's the buying of meat that is just as bad as eating it themselves. Paying for meat is encouraging the meat industry, whether they personally eat it or not.

“ I'm severely allergic to tomatoes (in all forms) and would seriously struggle to eat anything at a veggie meal”
Why?

Most wedding meals are some degree of crap anyway, so who actually cares. I have had some nice meals at weddings but mainly when there has been a more unusual choice available like a lamb tagine or some other dish that works well when mass produced for 100+ people. I'd say there is a higher probability of the veggie meal actually tasting nice than a bog standard wedding dinner. I still wouldn't have high hopes though but that's only because I go to every wedding with low expectations and am only very rarely pleasantly surprised.

You seriously would want Jewish and Muslim couples getting married to have pork on the menu to ‘be courteous’?

Not pork, no. I’d recognise that goes against the core of their religious beliefs. But Jewish and Muslim people are known to want anyone they have as guests to feel welcomed - so they probably would have some kind of meat available.