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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Vegetarians shouldn't have to buy meat?

282 replies

Whuut · 20/11/2019 20:39

So a relative of mine is getting married next year and her and her partner went vegetarian a few years ago for many reasons, one being they didn't want to contribute to the meat industry. They have decided at the wedding to have the meal completely vegetarian. I think this is fine and for one meal people can deal without meat- I do get that some people struggle without it but I think for the sake of one meal at someone else's wedding, you'd just deal with it. What I think is harsh, a few other family members are constantly telling her they should have a meat option and making her feel bad about their decision.

Aibu to think they shouldn't have to have meat at their wedding when one of the main reasons they gave it up was to do with not wanting to contribute to the industry?

OP posts:

FamilyOfAliens · 21/11/2019 08:25

If you have a relative or relatives who are heavy meat eaters they might be the type to say loudly 'what's this muck' or similar while pushing their food around the plate.

That’s more to do with being an arsehole than being a meat-eater, surely?

YouAreTheEggManIAmTheWalrus · 21/11/2019 08:26

I'm vegetarian but have never planned a wedding. I think if I was in this position I'd ignore the whinging to a point and if it got too loud I'd say "the food option we are paying for is vegetarian, full stop. If you can't eat one meat-free meal then you're welcome to pay for a different meal." Find out how much it costs per head and give them the option. That'll hopefully shut them up one way or another.

As for the alcohol-free wedding that people went and set up a bar in a car boot- how disrespectful, sad and desperate can people be?

MeadowHay · 21/11/2019 08:27

Not pork, no. I’d recognise that goes against the core of their religious beliefs. But Jewish and Muslim people are known to want anyone they have as guests to feel welcomed - so they probably would have some kind of meat available

Errr can you refrain from second guessing what Jewish and Muslim people would do, having no idea? I'm Muslim and veggie. I wouldn't serve or provide meat at any event I was hosting. My vegetarianism is linked to my religious beliefs and is as strong a conviction because they are inherently linked.

53rdWay · 21/11/2019 08:28

I think a better comparison is not whether vegetarians would expect a meat-free option at another wedding but whether they’d expect a dairy-and-eggs option at a vegan wedding.

I don’t eat vegan usually but I wouldn’t dream of sitting and sulking through a vegan wedding because my meals usually have cheese/egg in them.

BertrandRussell · 21/11/2019 08:29

“ That’s more to do with being an arsehole than being a meat-eater, surely?”

SirGawain · 21/11/2019 08:33

I am not a vegetarian and do enjoy meat, however I frequently have to attend events an social gatherings at organisations which will only serve vegetarian food. I'm fine with this and would never expect them to change their menu for me or anyone else. The food is often very good. You would not expect a temperance society to serve wine because some people like it.

TheMidasTouch · 21/11/2019 08:34

It's fine for the couple getting married to have a totally vegetarian wedding. It's their day and they can do what they want.

I probably wouldn't look forward to it as I have an intolerance/allergy to something in Quorn and am also MSG intolerant. I also hate halloumi, tofu, couscous, pasta and goats cheese. I could eat rice but wouldn't given the choice. I'd happily eat a plate of vegetables or beans on toast though.

I find weddings really boring unless it is a close relative so would prefer to know in advance so I can decide whether to go, whether to eat beforehand and/or secrete something to eat in my bag in case I dislike the offering.

Settlersofcatan · 21/11/2019 08:44

yet if they come to me I make sure the meal will be something they will also enjoy.

That's what you think you've done anyway. I have had so many omnivores think they have made me a great vegetarian option but actually it's been totally inadequate - my MIL once served me baked carrots with a sprinkling of cheese! I am always polite and appreciative so only my husband is aware of the times I have had to eat afterwards...

PhoneLock · 21/11/2019 08:44

It's their day and they can do what they want.

This is rubbish. Good hosts should look after their guests. A wedding isn't an excuse selfish and inconsiderate behaviour.

Just to be clear though, this is a general comment and I wouldn't consider not providing meat to be selfish and inconsiderate behaviour.

greenlynx · 21/11/2019 08:44

I’m surprised that people are commenting, it’s very rude. Are they parents who are worrying too much about food and what people might think?
I personally eat meat but can’t see any problems with going meat free for one day, the same for my husband. We do this sometimes. I always look at vegetarian options when we’re choosing place for dinner. If they’re are boring or limited I won’t go, it just shows lack of creativity and skills for me. Vegetarian meal could be very exciting, more exciting than meat option imo.
By the way I wouldn’t consider ANY type of risotto as celebratory meal.
I would be ok at alcohol free wedding also. At tea free wedding I would really struggle!

FamilyOfAliens · 21/11/2019 08:44

I think a better comparison is not whether vegetarians would expect a meat-free option at another wedding but whether they’d expect a dairy-and-eggs option at a vegan wedding.

This doesn’t make sense. Obviously anyone can eat food that’s suitable for vegans. As a vegetarian, I wouldn’t expect dairy and eggs to be served at a vegan wedding - why would I?

carolinelucaseshandbag · 21/11/2019 08:44

As long as it's lovely food then the meat eaters just need to suck it up! Why would a completely vegetarian couple have meat at their wedding? I've been to one veggie-only wedding. I was served ratatouille, which I really dislike. But it could easily have been a meat dish that I also dislike.
I recall spending a month in India eating only veggie food and pretty much all of it was amazing.
People can be dicks about veggie food, unfortunately. The bride and groom just need to ignore.

PhoneLock · 21/11/2019 08:45

and excuse for selfish...

PhoneLock · 21/11/2019 08:46

an, not and

I give up. Bloody ipad!

53rdWay · 21/11/2019 08:46

This doesn’t make sense. Obviously anyone can eat food that’s suitable for vegans.

Yes, that’s precisely my point!

FamilyOfAliens · 21/11/2019 08:46

A wedding isn't an excuse selfish and inconsiderate behaviour.

I agree - guests who expect the bride and groom to buy food they are ethically opposed to buying are being selfish and inconsiderate.

FamilyOfAliens · 21/11/2019 08:48

Yes, that’s precisely my point!

So with that thinking, everyone should be served vegan food, omnivores included? Or just vegetarians?

PhoneLock · 21/11/2019 08:48

I agree - guests who expect the bride and groom to buy food they are ethically opposed to buying are being selfish and inconsiderate.

I agree with that too.

53rdWay · 21/11/2019 08:50

So with that thinking, everyone should be served vegan food, omnivores included? Or just vegetarians?

If the people getting married were vegans? Yes, why not?

FamilyOfAliens · 21/11/2019 08:56

Ok, so we agree then, 53rd.

It’s just I was thrown by your comment about vegetarians expecting eggs and dairy at a vegan wedding and wondering why you singled vegetarians out, rather than any of the other non-vegans.

Though I have to say I’ve noticed many restaurants have now replaced the vegetarian option with a vegan one, rather than just adding a vegan option to the menu. The meat options seem unaffected.

PurpleDaisies · 21/11/2019 08:58

There was quite a long thread recently with unhappy vegetarians campaigning for the return of eggs and dairy in vegetarian options.

53rdWay · 21/11/2019 08:59

vegetarians expecting eggs and dairy at a vegan wedding and wondering why you singled vegetarians out, rather than any of the other non-vegans.

Because people were saying “well vegetarians expect meat-eaters to cater for THEM!”, ie by providing a veggie option. As I said, that’s not a fair comparison. A better comparison would be whether vegetarians expect eggs/dairy at a vegan’s wedding, which we generally wouldn’t.

BertrandRussell · 21/11/2019 09:00

I can’t think of anything that brings out the arsehole in people more than the suggestion that they could go 6 hours without eating meat.

53rdWay · 21/11/2019 09:01

yes, I much prefer eggs and dairy, I’m vegetarian not vegan. But I certainly wouldn’t be so rude as to expect vegan couples to provide eggs/dairy for me at their own wedding.

Settlersofcatan · 21/11/2019 09:04

There was quite a long thread recently with unhappy vegetarians campaigning for the return of eggs and dairy in vegetarian options.

At restaurants, not weddings or other hospitality from friends or family.

I am vegetarian and I prefer food with eggs and dairy but I would be fine with eating vegan at a wedding.

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