Vegetarians shouldn't have to buy meat?

[Whuut]

So a relative of mine is getting married next year and her and her partner went vegetarian a few years ago for many reasons, one being they didn't want to contribute to the meat industry. They have decided at the wedding to have the meal completely vegetarian. I think this is fine and for one meal people can deal without meat- I do get that some people struggle without it but I think for the sake of one meal at someone else's wedding, you'd just deal with it. What I think is harsh, a few other family members are constantly telling her they should have a meat option and making her feel bad about their decision.

Aibu to think they shouldn't have to have meat at their wedding when one of the main reasons they gave it up was to do with not wanting to contribute to the industry?

They won't enjoy the meal without meat.
So they won't enjoy the entire party.

This is simply not true.
Nobody eats meat at EVERY meal.
What about all the times meat-eaters just have a bowl of cereal, or a jacket spud, or beans on toast, or a cheeseboard?
Do those non-meat meals mean they "won't enjoy the entire" day?
Nope.

I'm veggie and if someone wants meat at my place they're welcome to bring it for themselves but I won't be cooking it. Never actually had anyone bring meat and never had anyone complain about the food, though have had comments on how they've been surprised at how nice the food was.

Anyone can have a nice meal without meat. It frustrates me when meateaters think they need meat at every meal.

I've been to a couple of Hindu weddings where the food was strictly vegetarian and absolutely delicious.

People are rude if they complain about the food or the lack of meat, it's hardly going to hurt them to go without for one occasion.

Their vegetarianism is clearly central to the beliefs they hold dear - it's mad that some people feel so strongly about meat-eating as to completely overlook this.

Anyway, it's their wedding, their choice. At least they'll be able to weed out the dickheads this way and only share their special day with nice, normal people.

@greenlobster

Please don't ever do that. I have a horrible reaction to Quorn and genuinely thought I was going to end up in hospital last time I (accidentally) ate some. It even warns people on the packet.

I've had some really dire veggie food which I think is what comes to mind for many people when you say veggie. Done right it can be lovely.

I wouldn't dream of demanding meat at a vegetarian wedding. I doubt that the vegetarians would be so accommodating when they visit me. Don't see why vegetarian politics has to trump all!

I'm not keen on vegetarian or vegan attitudes towards meat eaters but it's one meal / day - people need to get on with it and eat vege for a day

For me it would depend on the food their serving, I went to a wedding about 2 years ago with my sister and it was a vegetarian meal served and it was so bad I eat most thing but two things I cannot stand are goats cheese and mushrooms and the starter was goats cheese tarts and the main was mushroom risotto, I will admit after the meal and speeches me and my sister went to our hotel ordered just eat and went back to the reception after we ate it. But I would never say anything to the bride or groom if just smile and say it was lovely. Alcohol free wedding I probably wouldn’t go to unless I was very close to the person, if your not in the bridal party the day can be very long and boring before the night do starts.

Yanbu.

It’s eye rolling tbh. Those type of meat eaters annoy me. They’re usually the same type to complain if there are more veggie or vegan option ms despite their meat options still remaining on the menu.

If they want meat so bad they could easily eat it before or after the wedding. There are tons of lovely food that taste great without meat.

People who eat meat don’t exclusively eat meat though. They can eat vegetarian food but vegetarians don’t eat food with meat in. It’s not the same.

Absolutely agree with this, definitely not the same. I love a good burger, but for ffs it is not difficult to go one or two meals in a day without meat.

I can understand this, however at other functions I would need to careful to cater for any vegetarians and vegans - even to the point of consulting them personally beforehand. If I didn’t, I’d run the risk of being accused of not being inclusive enough. I do it as I want my guests to enjoy themselves and their meals.

I eat meat but am perfectly happy to go without it
For a few meals. I dont even notice it missing. Depends on your family and friends. You definitely shouldn't have to but if your family are rude/vocal/like to kick up a fuss it might be worth considering to avoid idiots complaining and bringing down the general mood or like at my friends wedding ordering macDonalds through ubereats and eating it at the table instead of the main. But if your family and friends are adults and know how to behave in public no issues

I've had some really dire veggie food which I think is what comes to mind for many people when you say veggie. Done right it can be lovely

But you can say the same about food with meat in it, even if you do eat meat, it's not all going to be to your taste, the previous post about people eating McDonald's is a perfect illustration of this, and reminded me of a recent story about a couple who got Domino's pizza to cater for their wedding.

If I was going to a wedding I'd hope that there would be a nice 'restaurant quality' sit down meal, whether vegetarian or with meat or a maybe good varied decent quality buffet, street food truck arrangement or nicely done afternoon tea etc, good quality food, so if the catering was low quality fast food or an all beige, processed pork dominated buffet, it would be a disappointment, but that might be what is within the couple's budget so I'd just eat what I could so I wasn't hungry

We’re meat eaters but eat veggie probably half the week. Almost everyone I know does. Where are all these meat eaters who never have a no meat meal hiding?

So meat eating guests should just buy takeaway after or before the wedding, eat in the car on way to venue or home
Issue solved
It's what I'd do since I can see a vegetarian menu having a lot of stuff I don't eat due to taste or texture. Or things I've never eaten so wouldn't try something new in front of a group, I won't swallow something that I think tastes like crap and it's not nice to spit food out at a wedding

Who said anything about not drinking it? If the hosts don't want to provide it, as they are entitled to do, then guests may want to make their own arrangements... as they are entitled to do.

If you can’t manage one wedding without making arrangements to drink you should see a doctor.

I know a few people who’ve had alcohol free weddings because of relatives who are awful when they’re drunk - if their guests were passing round hip flasks and setting up bars in cars outside they’d completely ruin the entire point of doing it. Such awful behaviour.

I think people are missing the point. It's not that meat-eaters cannot survive one meal without meat. It's not that people cannot go to one dinner without alcohol... they can. But a wedding is a celebration and a party, and be honest, for most people a party without meat and/or alcohol is... well... disappointing. I can eat vegetarian food, but I am always left feeling "unfulfilled" and hungry in the end, not because of not having enough food available, but because with a veggie dish i never really feel like eating too much of it, for me it feels like it is lacking something (meat?). Of course I would never tell the bride and groom this, but they need to acept this is exactly how many of the guests are going to feel. And plenty will go home and feel the need to have another dinner.

The examples given of how carnivores often have a bowl of cereal or beans of toast are also beyond the point, as most people do not expect these dishes at a wedding.

For most people who don't post in the MumsNet alternative universe, a wedding is a celebration and a party where they go to eat, drink and be merry, expecting delicious, filling dishes, sugary and chocolatey desserts and plenty of alcohol to go with. That's why using a wedding to show the world you're vegetarian, only eat healthy dishes or love to cook without fat/sugar/gluten may seem like a good idea to the bride and groom, but will be disappointing to most guests.

My 10 cents...

It's your relative's wedding, everything should be their choice and if people don't like it they can decline the invitation. Which would be ridiculous over a vegetarian menu.

I usually have the opposite problem as I'm vegetarian and feel awkward about it at times.

No fucking devils vomitus. Also known as mushrooms.

That made me laugh as the last wedding we were at we were asked on invitatiin if we required a vegetarian meal, of course I said yes and it was the two things I hate combined … mushroom risotto. I did my best .

I’m a meat eater and would probably be a bit ‘oh, it’s all veggie’ BUT I’d tuck in happily and probably surprise myself. Let’s face it, a lot of starters are veggie anyway (Halloumi cheese fingers etc) and desserts so it’s really only the main course and here’s my gripe....I also detest mushrooms.

Even if I was a vegetarian, I'd still give a meat option personally.

A relative recently invited family members to a vegan restaurant for her birthday and so many declined the invite for that reason, so it got cancelled. They felt they were being forced to eat food they wouldn't like and have to pay for it as well.

OTOH... it's their choice. I've been to weddings with no alcohol. It bothered many ppl who were moaning, but it's a non issue for me.

I guess it's because I'm veggie, but I find it so bizarre that so many people on here seem to be starting from the assumption that they would like and enjoy all and any meal that contains meat, and that they wouldn't like and enjoy any vegetarian meal. Is that really the way you categorise food - meat good, not meat bad?

We did serve meat at our wedding because at the time DH still ate it. I don't think I know any of these 'if it isn't meat it's not a meal' people anyway though, and I have to say that I would tend to assume that such an unattractive rigidity and refusal to explore new things aren't qualities that I look for in friends or that I'm used to in my family, so perhaps that's why!

The examples given of how carnivores often have a bowl of cereal or beans of toast are also beyond the point, as most people do not expect these dishes at a wedding.

I agree with this. It really isn't comparable and as food is a major part of the wedding day, I wouldn't want my failure or refusal to provide a meat option to ruin the day.

It just wouldn't go down well in my culture anyway. It would be heavily criticised and cause a lot of upset.

It's all well and good to say it's their choice...but they aren't celebrating alone and I would see it as my responsibility to consider my guests as much as possible.

Thanks everyone, I thought that would be the general consensus. Funnily enough, the relatives who are telling her they should have a meat option, eat a lot of vegetarian food. I think maybe they're worried what other people will think but I dont think they need to be. The wedding meal will be early evening so people will eat a lunch beforehand which of course can be filled with meat. Most of their friends know they are vegetarian and will probably be expecting it, thought I dont think they've actually been told yet. Personally, the food sounds delicious to me. Oh and dont worry, no mushrooms.

It's a shame they feel like they have to invite people to their wedding who are so unreasonable. I'm vegetarian since childhood, my husband isn't. We had a completely vegetarian wedding in a country where the traditional wedding food is very meat based. The smell of meat makes me feel a bit nauseous and a steak on a plate looks to me literally like a piece of dead cow (boke!). But I've put up with this unpleasantness in pretty much every social occasion for decades, not to mention having only one option or even no option for a vegetarian. My husband thought and I agreed if there's one day when I shouldn't have to deal with meat and should be able to help myself to everything in the spread is our wedding day. We made sure it was a big hot buffet with plenty of choices and there was something everybody would be able to eat, including allergies, gluten free, mushroom free (for a friend who hates mushrooms!). All the other guests were omnivores and all said how amazing the food was, even my meat-loving Dad. But then we had a very small wedding inviting our closest friends and family which didn't include anyone who would be unreasonable enough to whine about having to eat vegetarian for a couple of days (and the food was bloody good!!). I guess there is often big pressure to invite people to weddings through obligation even if they're pretty unreasonable people and maybe that's where the real problem is.

On a side note, I recently went to a (pretty informal) wedding where despite being bridesmaid and knowing the bride for 20+ years all of which I was vegetarian, there was no vegetarian option for me and I took my own food in a Tupperware...

Sorry posted without seeing the update. Sounds like the guests themselves are not unreasonable just concerned about other unreasonable guests! Enjoy the wedding! :)

I had a vegetarian wedding. Most people were fine but a small minority were not. One cousin kicked up such a fuss at his table that the chef came out and offered to make him something with meat in it (he said no and then sat there with a face like a wet weekend for the rest of the meal). Another few were still bringing it up to moan about it YEARS later.

I have been to so many weddings where the veggie option was either crap or nonexistent. The idea that you can’t possibly celebrate and it’ll ruin the entire day if you don’t love the meal is just bollocks, sorry.