To sleep with as many people as I wish

[ambiencing]

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

What's your number? I'm nosy! Happy to share mine! People need to remember how they got here 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I think if everyone in a family had consumed enough alcohol to declare their number of sexual partners, then everyone had consumed enough to say judgey comments that they shouldn’t so I wouldn’t take it to heart OP.
I personally believe that if you’re being safe and no one is getting hurt then shag around as much as you want!
I’ve never understood why people who’ve always only had one sexual partner think they’re high and mighty.
Around the age of 18 I had my first girls holiday, started uni etc. I went from a virgin to a body count of maybe 8 in about six months and it was amazing! I really discovered a lot about myself and sex and relationships and don’t regret any of it!
I’m in a happy relationship now and am committed, I’m really happy that it will be just this one for the rest of my life, but my past was also great and I’m not ashamed of that!

I think my number is around 11 or 12 but I wish it had been more, it was a lack of confidence rather than anything else. It late to do anything about it now as my husband would probably get the hump 😂

Even totally rat arsed I wouldn't have shared this information with my ils.
What were you thinking?
This is all kinds of wrong.

Mine is 4.

How does being confident with your body and sexuality mean that you have low self-worth?

How is it low self-worth when you are doing something that you enjoy and is legal?

Wow! You shared the number with your in-laws!!! why would you do that!!!

Anyway, maybe you pil had a point (?) He doesn't sound like he was being particularly nasty, more that he was trying to understand your and offer support/sympathy, which is actually quite nice ...

I'm not saying what mine is but less than 100. A lot was while I was in my teens and didn't enjoy.

@AriadneCrete you never know. He might enjoy it 😂

My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low.
I agree that it was patronising of him, and rude to comment on your self worth. I'd also suspect him of having double standards for men and women. But you already knew from the subject of the conversation that your potential in-laws are not big on privacy and boundaries. Personally I'd feel stupid bringing it up again hours later a propos of nothing, and wait for the next occasion.
Keep an eye out and see if your DP shows any signs of being judgemental too... did he see your point of view at all, for instance, or did he defend his dad?

ambiencing do you think the conversation could have been manufactured to lead up to you sharing that information? Did they share first?

I just can’t imagine a situation where any of my ex partners parents or my in-laws would offer up that information. It’s really creepy.

Put it down to a life lesson. We are judged on how many sexual encounters we have had and I’m afraid it’s so ingrained it will never change.

What a messed up conversation to have with your in-laws..
You all need to stop drinking so much

How is it low self-worth when you are doing something that you enjoy and is legal?

I don't think it necessarily is but it certainly can be. As pp have said lots of young people feel like they've got to.luve up to an image or an expectation that everyone else is doing it so they should too, or someone with low self worth does it to try and prove to themselves that they're attractive.

Where do you meet all of these people? Aren't people scared that the random they've met in a club or whatever might turn out to be a creepy weirdo once they're alone? I'd be scared about my DDS safety if I thought she was sleeping with 2 or 3 new blokes a week because they must be strangers at that rate mustn't they?

@CharityConundrum, not really. It's only 1 a month, if you have a few teenage type, sun/sea/sex holidays.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras, I'd say that's dying out along with other sexist attitudes. Like you I'm in my 50's. I had a lot of partners, then met my DH and was married for 22 years. Then Widowed.

Since then I've only had one relationship along with a lot of fuck buddies.

We all view sex differently and for some of us it doesn't have to come with an emotional attachment.

Lots of people here are talking about “safe sex” but actually there is no such thing. I’m medical, and we talk about “safer sex”. There are some things that condoms do not protect against, like herpes.

Saying that, I don’t think anyone should be judged on their sexual behaviour at all. But I personally think avoiding such disclosures may be best OP.

That’s a pretty shitty thing for him to say yeah . It’s up to you how many people you slept with in the past and it’s also the past, so why is he bothered ? Not like you’re sleeping around now . Also I feel judged on here and I’ve not even posted but bloodyhell the stuff I talk about with my in-laws would be seen as unforgivable on here . People need to get a grip !
X

Boundaries!

As for the number, whether this is a good or bad thing depends on what proportion of the sex and relationships were truly enjoyable for you, and your stance with respect to risks such as pregnancy and health,

Women are frequently judged for sleeping with too many men. That too many is subjective though.

It's not just men (or FILs!!) that judge though. Women who haven't slept with a lot of men might judge a women who's slept with 'lots'.

Saying that women who've slept with a lot of men often judge women (and men) who have only had 'a few' sexual partners too.

Not haven't sex at all is open for negatively too. As is being a virgin at a certain age ot worse when you get married 😲.

So it really doesn't matter what you do, you'll be judged!!

It is so cringe that you had that discussion with your boyfriend’s parents.

Whether you’ve seen more cock ends than weekends is irrelevant. The fact you shared such private information about such an intimate part of your life is weird.

We came into our sexuality when each sexual partner meant a chance at death

No matter how many times I read this I can't work it out.

Thank fuck for that. I thought I was having a particularly dense moment.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras, no they don't have to be strangers. There's safe ways to do everything.

There's more women murdered by partners etc, as well as male relatives, than strangers.

They're your in laws. Maintaining a good relationship with them is more important, in this instance, than your desire to share private information without feeling judged.

I think you were pretty naive to disclose this to them. Sure in an ideal world they'd be fine with it but I think you need to pick your battles. There are plenty of things I'd tell my mates but not my MIL. It's the nature of the relationship.

We all view sex differently and for some of us it doesn't have to come with an emotional attachment.

I think I can get that but do you think a teenager has that inner knowledge? Plus where do they meet these people? Are they literally just picking random men up in bars cos how on earth is that safe?

”I find the older generation definitely more judgemental”

😂😂😂😂😂😡

I’m 55. I was at university in the 80’s. Everyone was at it all the time! Fucking judgemental? I wouldn’t give a shit tbh. Each to their own. Really really patronising and insulting comment. I used to go to a club called the Dirtbox. It had a fuck room. Great that the ‘younger generation’ think that everyone over 35 has a cauliflower perm!😡I’ll be accused of voting leave next.