To sleep with as many people as I wish

[ambiencing]

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

I think cycling is meaningless, should we suggest that those who get enjoyment out of it stop? Or any other activity?

I'm wondering what you were all doing being pissed by mid afternoon on a Wednesday!

No, yanbu to sleep with as many people as you like. You should have no fears over telling someone how many, but people are judgemental arseholes.

I think the late 90s Ladette upturned was better for young women than the pornified culture of today.

I find young people now more judgmental of promiscuity than then.

It’s also misogynistic to say that ++ sexual partners = low self worth. Personally I preferred the more equal power dynamic in casual sex than sex in relationships.

Next time you see him, tell him ‘I want you to know I think you were really shitty to judge me for sleeping with 75 people’. When he replies ‘Hang on, I thought it was 70’, give him a wry smile and say ‘Oh, Frank - 70 was on Wednesday’. That’ll teach him.

But, why should I "expect" judgment, when it's wrong? If something is wrong and misogynistic, why should I put up with it just because I chose to disclose certain information?

You're naive in thinking that everyone thinks as you do. They don't. So disclosing such information as you did will leave you open to judgement, which is exactly what happened.

No point talking to FIL, he has his own beliefs and you have yours. I highly doubt you'll get him to change his mind about you on this subject.

I remember a friend telling me her current boyfriend had slept with a 100 women and I replied "so you are number 101?" Why on earth he would tell her that god only knows ... I would have gone straight to the STDs to get tested if I was her.

STDs Clinic

Personally I think he’s got a point and I don’t think he was being misogynistic.

People have differing opinion on sex, some have higher morals than others.

This is a really really weird conversation to be having with your inlaws. And only paedophiles want to lower the age of consent!

Why are people assuming he is being misogynistic? How do you know he wouldn't have judged his son for doing the same?

Why are people judging those who don't feel comfortable about having so many different partners?

There is far too much judgement on this thread.

I guess it really does depend on how many it is. If its alot he may have just been shocked and we all have different views on it. I would suggest thinking before speaking in the future, learning when and what is acceptable to say. I don't even get why this would be a topic of conversation!

DP is the same age as me and has only slept with two less and his partner has no issue with that.

This is the crux of it for me. Your DP's father is a misogynistic prick.

I would text him that his comments were highly inappropriate and sexist given his son as slept with almost the same number of people you have.

I would be icily polite to this twat and nothing else from now on.

You challenged his masculinity by having a higher number. He took a swipe at you to reassert dominance.

FWIW I wouldn't have shared my "number" as I have no fucking clue what it is...

“ I’m 39 and can relate to the late nineties ladette culture another PP talked about - and there are a lot of woman who came out of that generation damaged because they couldn’t reconcile the difference between meaningful encounters and detached sex with strangers, because it’s actually really unhealthy! ”

So sad to see women often self patronise like this. Do women have no agency and not a thought in their heads?

You can sleep with as many people as you like (not now, obviously) and you shouldn't be shamed for it.
It fucking annoys me to no end that a man can have triple figures and be told he's a 'lad', but a woman with the same figure is a 'slag.'

But, it's a seriously weird topic to be debating with the ILs, surely you knew it wouldn't go well?
How long have you been with your boyfriend?

I'm just trying to imagine have this conversation with my ILs. They are amazing people who I love to absolute bits and trust with my life, I've known them for years and they've seen me and supported me at my very worst. They know pretty much everything about me, and vice versa.

We all get along very well, when all the family comes together (me, DP, the kids, my dad, DPs parents and extended family.. at Christmas and the like) the jokes and banter can be below the belt and have a bit of a blue tinge, but no where near that amount of info!

How did the conversation even come up? Was someone trying to embarrass you?

streetwisehercules

Care you explain your comment?

I missed the bit about the OP's boyfriend. So yes, the dad was being misogynistic.

I'm still that the conversation took place in the first place.

Know your audience.

What an utterly grim conversation. I cannot imagine this happening in many households.

I am not ashamed of my number or of having sex but it isnt something to be discussed with parents. Ugh.

It fucking annoys me to no end that a man can have triple figures and be told he's a 'lad', but a woman with the same figure is a 'slag.'

That depends on whether it's 1 individual holding these same 2 opinions in my view.

I don't think a man who has slept with a lot of people is a lad. I think it's someone who should be given a wide birth. Definitely not someone that I'd want to have a relationship with.

I think that famous people who brag about the number of people they've slept with are pathetic, not lads. Who's the man who reckons he's slept with 1000 women? Whoever it is I'd avoid like the plague.

You are really brave or stupid to disclose this information to your in-laws

If you don't want to be judged for your private life, don't share it! I'm no prude but it's a fucking weird conversation to have with your in laws, and you do sound very young.

Oh wow your 19 🙈 look I know you feel enlightened and free spirited yadde yadde, but you need to grow up, you shag as many people as you want, but you don't tell the parents of your current shag, come on. One day you will look back and cringe.

YANBU and he had no right to comment on your self worth being related to the number of sexual partners you have had

Way too young and immature to be having a conversation like that..
I wonder who brought the subject up though? It wasn't dp's df by any chance?...🤔

I wouldn't say the older generations judge more. Many were young adults in the 60s, the time of free love, the Pill becoming available and the sexual revolution.