To sleep with as many people as I wish

[ambiencing]

DP, his sister, mum, dad and I were all having a conversation regarding virginity after talking about people calling for the age of consent to be lowered.

It went onto the topic of how many people (average) one will sleep with in their lifetime. My DP's dad that he felt sorry for me, having slept with "so many" people at aged (almost) 20. And asked what had made my self worth so low. I was stunned into silence, but now I really want to say something. This was only a couple of hours ago, but DP thinks I just just leave it.

AIBU to be furious?

I might share that, especially while I was drunk, (I have ADHD with autistic features) but afterwards I would so, so, so, cringe.

'But, why should I "expect" judgment, when it's wrong?'

It's not a matter of 'judgement' as such, but of what people might be concerned about, understandably (albeit maybe unfairly.) I would know that from what I said, they would think/know I was at some point relatively promiscuous. If your DP has only had two partners, then anything you say (and from what you say, it wasn't particularly a small number) will come across as promiscuous.

People think things- if you can't handle this or anticipate what people will potentially think, maybe you have undiagnosed ASD or something. One has to be careful what one says, especially with 'in laws.'

You presumably ideally want to win/stay on their good side. To do that with anyone, you have to watch what you say.

They will unfortunately (and probably not rightly) be thinking you're a bit of a slapper now, and be concerned that you might cheat on your OH.

Please be careful what you say to your 'in laws' in future, if you want to get on with them and them to like you and be ok with your DP being with you. Maybe you don't care about that- most people would.

Their reaction was not unusual- I'd say it was the norm, whether someone's parents showed it or not. They would be concerned that someone would not be faithful. I've had quite a wild sex life at times (less so at others.) The average number of partners for a woman (that they admit to) is about 6. www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/have-i-had-an-average-amount-of-sexual-partners-10297819.html Those of us who've had many more (or even just more than our partner) would ideally somehow be careful how we broach the subject/what we say when it's discussed.

Again- I might do the same sometime- but I would totally cringe!

Still think it's grim that people are shagging in toilets and the cinema.

Me too. Especially given the cost of cinema tickets, what a bloody expensive shag that would be

Depends if it's an IMAX.

“How does being confident with your body and sexuality mean that you have low self-worth?”

To be honest, the more confident with your body and sexuality you are, the more selective you become re- men. I think less confident people are less selective. How great can the sex be if it’s any old random? What’s the point?

In future remember it's ok not to go with the crowd. Some things are private, and telling your boyfriends parents how many people you've shagged at the age of 19, or at any age, is never going to be a good idea

Exactly this. I can't think of anyone I know who would sit around discussing this with DP parents. Something really creepy about it. Agree with pp that said they'd be out of the door!

Maybe you overshared

Could make a dull film far more interesting.

I wouldn't confront him about his response. You're free to sleep with as many people as you like but other people are also free to have their opinion, he just said it out loud. Challenging him on that isn't going to change his views.

I don't think I've met 100 men in my 50 years on the planet that I'd like to have sex with let alone in 3 years

Agreed. I'm pretty choosy about who share myself with

The last study on this says a woman has 6 sexual partners on average I think. So like everything in life, we all come at what is normal from what is our own experience and if most people have slept with the average, high numbers might attract a TMI face and questions.

There are also studies that show people who have lots of casual sex tend to look back and rate it as low quality. So low quality but high self esteem don't fit do they?

Could make a dull film far more interesting.

But what about everyone else in there?

Your DP's dad sounds like quite a nasty man.
I have adult children around your age and I am certain that either me or dh would have steered that conversation in a different direction.
Whose idea was it to share this information?

You’re right it’s your business who many you’ve slept with and as long as you’re ok with the number don’t like fil make you feel bad!

How many*

OP didnt you know a high number for lads is an achievement. I can imagine his dad saying "get in there son" lads lads lads!!!!

Let it go over your head you wont achieve anything different from someone with that frame of mind.

@ShirleyPhallus

'Especially given the cost of cinema tickets, what a bloody expensive shag that would be'

The adult cinema tends to be free for couples/women :)

IMAX and climax?

My number is 7.....almost average!

it's generational. If you're around 20, you've grown up in the era of free porn, and have been conditioned into believing that great sex is only about variety, adventures, and trying to squash down any unsightly emotions so it's all just fun. Basically, men have made you think that way, for their own convenience

I just want to reiterate this. I’m 39 and can relate to the late nineties ladette culture another PP talked about - and there are a lot of woman who came out of that generation damaged because they couldn’t reconcile the difference between meaningful encounters and detached sex with strangers, because it’s actually really unhealthy!

Our biological imperative is to create meaningful connections with limited number of partners (and there are biologically good reasons for this!)

It’s also eye opening when you realise how much of this ladette/free sex/be your own porn queen attitude is being pushed by MEN.
Majority of magazines aimed at young women are edited by men, and when you read the crap that’s in them you can tell.

What kind of people have conversations with their son and his 19 year old girlfriend about how many people everyone has had sex with?!

Weirdos...

Yuck what a gross sleazy OP .

MLM can l come to your Xmas dinner? 😂

Despite my youth of excess, l think the age of consent should be raised. Too many predatory men. And I’m with Arabella as well

My personal opinion and this is just how I feel before anyone jumps in, I'm not judging others on their lifestyles. But I would only be with a guy with a low number of partners, who didn’t shag around and who had meaning relationships with the women before me. However I am happily with my partner of 16 years and both of our “numbers” are extremely low. I think sex is for when you love someone and it’s an extension of a connection between two people. Shagging around is risking your health and making sex meaningless.

When the age limit was higher for homosexual sex, it didn't stop them from having sex.

What age do you raise it to, 25 when the brain has fully developed.

What about those who don't have the maturity to talk about sex with their partner at least?

How would increase the age stop predatory behaviour?

By increasing the age you legitimize the relationships between the 14-year-old and 18 years old. Because they would both be underage.