To think that parents of twins

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Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

Yes but if you have two maternity leaves, you get paid to be on maternity leave twice, even if just statutory. Many of the twin mums I know can’t afford to work at least until their twins start to get free nursery hours at 3. Twins used to get 15 hours free from 2 I believe, but that was stopped.

I have disabled twins, which is very difficult financially. I can’t work, they’re 3 and still in nappies, we are trying to get safe beds funded for them (£3k each by the way...). Yes, it would be much more manageable all round if I’d only had one.

People who haven’t had twins have absolutely no idea what it’s like.

I have twins, obviously we have everything together, but I dont see it as so different deom 2 singles. It's really hard work in the beginning of course, esp3if yiu havent had kids before, but my DH was a SAHD and I went back to work so cant complain. However I am not looking forward to the double whammy of first year at uni for both next year.

of course not, but the majority of people having an abortion after an unplanned pregnancy are having it because they don't want a child. Some will have it despite wanting the child and despite it being unplanned. It still isn't the same as going "oh, that's not the type of pregnant y we ordered, we'll abort it and start again"

Precisely. We were trying to conceive - we wanted to have a baby. Aborting a child you want because there are actually two of them is a very different prospect. And if they’re DCDA, there’s a very good chance that if you tried again you’d have twins again.

The risk of having another set of twins is the main reason we won’t try again. It’s not just the financial strain that makes twins so difficult.

I know one man who had twins and then a year later triplets! No fertility treatment or anything. They certainly had their hands full.

Good point on maternity leaves although I got zero of that too as I was self employed when I had my twins so back to full time work the next week actually as I am the main wage earner.

You get one mat leave because it was one pregnancy. You get one mat pay check a month because you get one wage packet a month. Where you'd it end otherwise? People have triplets or quads don't get 3 years off work and 4 pay packets a month so just think it could be worse. My cousin had 2 sets of twins 13 months apart. Now she had to spend £2000 on a specialist pram that took 6 months to make in order to leave the house alone.

I really do not know how people manage, I know people do lack of other reasonable choices, see posts in aborting twins cos theyre not convenient despite yrs of ttc. We've had lots of hand me downs, the increase in tax credits will help but we'll cut our cloth accordingly

The risk of having another set of twins is the main reason we won’t try again haha yes!! Was told MCDA twins is all the Mom's fault, and I'd be 4o by the time I was ready to try again. 3 kids is a handful, but the risk of 5 or 6 isn't worth it 🤣🤣

I understand it’s hard but it’s just life.

Whenever you try for a baby there is a possibility you will have twins and I think that’s something you have to accept.

Tax free child care is great in my opinion, as is child benefit. I personally think they are generous. It’s for a few years then you will also get funding for both children. In the nicest possible way- I do think we have become a bit entitled when it comes to what we think the government should give us (not including disabled children of course- that’s not comparable).

but if you have twins there is stuff they can share. I know my niece didn't buy two of everything for her twins.

Some twins may share; but mine never did! Right from when they could sit up and play, if one picked up a toy, the other snatched it off her! The speech therapist came round to assess DD’s imaginative play - and commented DD had no idea how to play with toys. I said that was because neither of them ever got to play with anything; they were too busy fighting! I had to buy two of everything!

As for clothes, by age 10 one went through puberty and weighed double the other. She was a size 12 at age 12; while the other had not gone through puberty at 16, due to being a size 6. They have always had to have their own wardrobe of clothes. One had SEN, so they were always in different schools with different uniforms but parents evenings, sports days, etc often fell on the same day, so I was running around between two schools 10 miles apart, and an older DS in a secondary school! Then at secondary, they didn’t even have the same school holidays, being in different counties!

I have come across quite a few sets of twins, where at least one is disabled; with things like cerebral palsy, because the chances of something going wrong are much higher than for a singleton. DD1 was in a specialist school with identical twins!

I wouldn't moan about year 6 camp money at the same time as you will get a week off with both children at camp at the same time and away for the week. Parents with two children of different ages will pay for both to go to year 6 camp ( the same as you) but won't have your advantage of a child free week off as the 2 children will go to camp at different times!

some of us have jobs and other children as well!

Mine are identical twins so they share clothes and a room, they’re boys as is their little brother (well...obvs ). I’m really worrying about secondary school though, which they start next year - double lunch costs, uniform, trips etc. I know these aren’t limited to twins but it’s a very real worry.

The main issue for us was childcare- we simply couldn't afford it so we I had to give up my job. Not only that, but one would get a bug virus then the other straight after so that would have been a nightmare if too unwell for childcare. Also, it's the uniform, the school trips etc. Other parents complaining about the cost of a £20 school trip but for me it's £40 etc. If you have children in different years you don't have the immediate costs at the same time.

The hardest thing with twins though is the hard work and lack of sleep during the baby stage! Then double toddler tantrums . At least I found my third child easy in comparison though, in terms of looking after just the one baby as my twins were in primary school bu then.

Twin mum here. They're now 14 and my goodness they're expensive to keep! They also have a zest for the finer things in life which doesn't help! And designer labels, God help me!
I have a boy and a girl, so they've not really shared too much over the years either. I wouldn't have it any other way though!! They did go to nursery and we always received discount on one sibling, which helped. They're at private school and we receive discount on one of them and when we lived in England we did get child benefit which was more than it would have been for one child.

I'm not too bothered about the financial aspect of things as it'd cost the same over a period of time if they weren't twins. But the cost on my body from them.... Whole new kettle of fish!!!!

I get what you are saying as I've often thought this myself if we had another baby- if they were twins they are a total blessing as is ANY child but everything is doubled, not just all the equipment like cribs/ baby chairs/ car seats but time/ finances.
Yes, the twins won't know any other way but I bet it's bloody hard. We just about manage with one baby needing everything and childcare. To have another we'd also manage but if that second 'one' was twins or more, yes they'd be loved/ a blessing etc but it would mean a new home/ 2 new cars/ 1 of us would have to give up work as we couldn't afford childcare and that's just stuff I think of now on the spot.
This really impacts on my thoughts about getting pregnant again!

I do think there should be some acknowledgement for parents of multiple children- no idea what though!

I did think it was more expensive when myine were born: you need a different pram, pushchair that you can't use again for a singleton child; you can't play hand-me-down with clothing between twins and for every school excursion you're playing 'think of a number and double it' rather than being able to save again for a child in a different year group.

If there is a family Christening robe, you have to decide which twin gets to wear it, but if there's one from each side of the family you don't have to offend anyone.

You can’t say to someone, it was your choice - without accepting that you also chose to continue a twin pregnant with all its pitfalls as well.

I've never read such stupidity as comments like this and similar on this thread.

Do people actually not see it.

Woman A gets pregnant. One baby. Gets to choose whether to keep. Keeps it. Woman A gets pregnant with second baby, gets to decide whether financially viable to add this extra baby to the existing child. Decides not too. Has the ability to make that decision

Woman B gets pregnant. It's twins. So she has to terminate both or have both ... the choice of only giving birth to one is never there. It's absolutely not the same as women who choose to have a second baby after being able to choose whether they had a first. And please save it before any comes out with the ridiculous "after giving birth to both, pick one to put up for adoption" as if that's a simple answer.

@puddlelane123 - I'm so sorry for your loss; I can't even imagine. ❤️

As to the OP, there will always be things which don't seem fair. I had a premature baby via emergency c-section and the baby was in the NNU. Husband only got 2 weeks of paternity leave then had to go back to work, I had been discharged from the hospital but wasn't allowed to drive; I couldn't stay in the hospital but couldn't take my baby home either. I so wish he had been allowed extra paternity leave to drive us to and from the hospital, but there we go... We just have to get through the tough times and be thankful at the end of the day when we get to the other side.

I'm sorry you're feeling put out, but there are positives to your situation that other people have pointed out... Once both of them start school at the same time you'll be laughing at your friends with younger siblings, for example. :D

I have a DS, he's been challenging, he has additional needs. But we are now expecting surprise twins at Christmas, and honestly, people have no idea of the difference.

Ours are boy girl. So minimal sharing of everything. Twice the bottles. Half the sleep. Twice the nappies, wipes, two cots, and leading on to the requirement for two separate bedrooms as they grow. We didn't ask for twins. We asked for one. So we should have simply aborted both and lost our "one" because it turned out to be "two"??

So with our requirement for extra bedrooms, we need a new house. Oh, and the two extra car seats and double twin suitable buggy means a new car. Because we got a surprise extra child, we need a new house and a new car. We had no choice about the extra. And we need a new house and car as a result.

Sibling discount for childcare? Try 5%. May as well not bother.

Double the birthday expenses. Double the school uniforms. Double the food and double the holidays. Double the swimming lessons. Double the first bikes. And all of these doubles aren't with the "luxury" of being staggered over 2 or more years. They're all payable together. Finding £200 today and finding £200 again in two years time, is not the same as having to scrape together £400 in one go today.

And what extra support do we get in recognition that we have a whole extra person turn up that we did not ask for, simultaneously with the other baby? That we've got double the costs and half the time? Sod all.

I have twins. I have 2 older ones and 1 younger one. But my twins, although a shock are a massive blessing. I dont work, so no childcare. But things like birthdays, xmas, school trips are twice the price. Dreading the cost of their prom, the two elder girls were expensive enough!
But I love having twins and they are a huge blessing. I just save when they have an occasion coming up.
Not comparable to parents that cant work because of children with disabilities.

Twins are more likely to be premature, more likely to spend time in nicu, more likely to be affected by a disability than singletons... these things aren’t mutually exclusive.

DH only got two weeks paternity leave too obviously. He went back to work after my section as the twins were both in nicu. He took his time off when the first twin came home after 17 days. After his paternity leave finished the other twin was still in nicu for another month and I don’t drive either. It was very tough. A friend of mine had twins who spent 7 months in nicu and one is frequently in and out.

Then ten days after the second came home, he was readmitted to paeds HDU for nearly two weeks - I had to stay with him 24/7 so DH had to take more leave to look after DT1 at home on his own.

NICU stays, hospital stays, short paternity leave etc can happen to any baby, but when you have twins the logistics are even tougher.

There’s very little point arguing about any of this really. Children are expensive, children are hard work. Having twins might mean you’re done with having your family in one fell swoop, it also means you have a real hit at once. It’s six of one half a dozen of another.

I met a woman once in Oz who had two sets of twins within a twelve month. Essentially she fell pregnant again right after her six-week check. Two pigeon pairs. During the second pregnancy, her husband had a vasectomy...

I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different

^^

There’s far too much of people wanting this nowadays!

Of course there are differences and no one says having twins is easy. You’ll get the sibling discount more often than a parent of two singletons as they more often be doing things at the same time, in the same hobbies, same childcare etc.

And passing down doesn’t help with different sexes once they’ve passed baby and toddler stages!

Children are expensive, it’s a known fact before proceeding to get pregnant. Quite why it seems to come as a shock to many is beyond me. So many feel others should pay for their choice to become parents.

Not sure why you would think more than one maternity leave was needed given multiples arrive at the same time or that the government should give special treatment.

It’s a known risk of pregnancy that there may be more than one child.

It’s a known risk of pregnancy that there may be more than one child.

It's a tiny risk unless multiples run in your family, or you have IVF.

One of the first things other twin mums said to me, is you won't believe the ignorance, and refusal to accept, by women who've had two singletons, that you've got it any harder because it's twins.

The ignorance is staggering.

On the point that there is never a choice of aborting one of twins I think there is technically for those who are non identicals although with a bit of risk to the other one. In fact women who conceive large numbers at once are often offered selective termination as there may be more change 2 will live if 3 are terminated if she were pregnant with 5. Not a nice choice most of us would want.

For us as said above the biggest cost with babies was full time childcare and in other families loss of the full time wage if mother or father stops work - so if you use a nursery then that is indeed doubled - in London could be £40k not £20k for parents who work full time jobs (the state will give you £2k per child under the childcare scheme for workers so £4k comes off your £40k but it hardly dents it).

As to cost of baby equipment depends on your income and life stage. With our first (single baby) just about everything was second hand., She jokes she had second hand cloth nappies (we certainly could not afford disposables in those days and they were not every good products then). With the twins I earned a lot more as had worked full time for 15 years by the time they came (they are children 4 and 5) and I could just go on line on the Mothercare website and order the stuff for them quickly. It was more the childcare costs (which for us having someone come to o ur house to look after them were the same if looking after 2 rather than 1 baby so not any extra as we didn't use a nursery) which would have been material. No difference for us but would have been big had we used a nursery instead.

Maternity leave is per pregnancy, not per child!