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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that parents of twins

386 replies

scrapaja · 20/11/2019 11:20

Have it financially harder than parents of single kids.

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities and also recognise single babies' financial hardship - offering maternity leave and child benefit. But parents of twins - I don't feel seen or acknowledged as being different to a parent of a single baby but there are differences.

We didn't plan for two babies. I love them dearly.

OP posts:
goldplatedtoilet · 20/11/2019 14:28

Just incase anyone is interested:

Child DLA rates

PippaPug · 20/11/2019 14:29

I am expecting twins - complete and utter surprise as no twins in our family, but both very much loved.
However yes it’s a bigger Financial strain then one baby, 2 car seats, a double pram, double the amount of nappies needed (was going to use reusable nappies and use them for the second child) clothes, milk (if unable to bf or struggle with the aspect of feeding two of them at the same time) childcare costs etc

I am a Nanny and the plan was to have mat leave off and then do some temp work when the baby was older and grandparents to help - now there is two babies and the grandparents feel they are unable to look after two (which is fair enough!) so I’m having to give up work all together (I commute into work and tend to stay up there in the week) my husbands job isn’t regular hours and so it’s not feasible for me to go to work.

The only thing which I would love is my husband to get double the paternity leave - - so four weeks instead of two as there is two babies and also could come to a few more of the hospital appointments like he was able to come to the 12/20 weeks scan

macpumpkin1 · 20/11/2019 14:29

I wouldn't moan about year 6 camp money at the same time as you will get a week off with both children at camp at the same time and away for the week. Parents with two children of different ages will pay for both to go to year 6 camp ( the same as you) but won't have your advantage of a child free week off as the 2 children will go to camp at different times!

threesecrets · 20/11/2019 14:29

On the positive side, you get it all done in one go. You only have to take one maternity leave so you can go back to work rather than having two maternity leaves off work.

Buddha123 · 20/11/2019 14:41

In Ireland the children's allowance for twins is paid at one and a half times the normal monthly rate for each child, €210 per month per child.
For triplets and other multiple births, Child Benefit is paid at double the normal monthly rate, €280 for each child.
The twin grant for 635€ was abolished in 2012. I have twins who are now teenagers and I found the 1st year financially hard. One of my twins was born with a congenital condition meaning he spent a lot of his 1st year having hospital procedures. I had to leave work as unfortunately my DH could not take any more time off work,personally I think if a child is born with disabilities or a condition that requires more looking after regardless if they're a twin or not I think an extended maternity leave would be of benefit.
As my twins have got older expenses are the same as if you had 2 single children. The only thing now is that in 3 years they will have their school trip abroad but I'm putting away a few quid already to help towards the cost.

5zeds · 20/11/2019 15:06

I always laugh when people say it’s easier to have two babies at the same stage. Have you ever TRIED to hold two newborn babies at once? Frankly newborn is the last time they are neatly “at the same stage”. Mostly prem too so longer and more often to feed. Once you’re out of that there’s the whole one crawling and the other not, one walking and the other not...blah blah. I STILL didn’t find them much more expensive beyond needing an extra cot. Same number of bottles, shared nappies(cloth), shared toys, shared wardrobe

SleepingStandingUp · 20/11/2019 15:07

Why does this only work one way?
There's z difference between having an abortion for an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy and having an abortion for a pregnancy you've been trying several years for but which isn't technically what you were expecting.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/11/2019 15:14

There's z difference between having an abortion for an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy and having an abortion for a pregnancy you've been trying several years for but which isn't technically what you were expecting

Except probably from an emotional perspective

Windbeneathmybingowings · 20/11/2019 15:19

Unplanned does not mean unwanted. There are some massive assumptions being made on this thread. No one forced anyone to have twins either. It’s not ok to say “that was your choice” at someone who isn’t even complaining about the cost of their children, whilst simultaneously acting like there was no choice in the matter for someone who continued a twin pregnancy knowing it would be financially difficult and complains about it.

crispysausagerolls · 20/11/2019 15:21

MN is never able to accept someone might have a hard deal without needing to wax lyrical about those who have it harder.

Twins sounds like fucking hard work. Just extremely hard work! When you have a baby, you are expecting to have ONE! It’s not at all the same as having one and planning for another! It’s expecting one and getting a second one, unplanned as it were. It seems exhausting and financially ruinous and I have no idea how parents of twins cope.

YANBU OP

weirdsmell · 20/11/2019 15:21

The government recognise the financial hardship experienced by parents of children with disabilities

Yeah, if you are really lucky.

Please don't use disabled children to reason over not getting enough for twins. Seriously disgraceful.

I understand the issue with having twins, but to use disabled kids against it Hmm

MarshaBradyo · 20/11/2019 15:24

Twins may be hard work and people can moan all they like if they want to, but it was the op who brought up disability as a comparison.

So no it’s not everyone else doing this.

JPharm · 20/11/2019 15:35

@Weedinosaurus I’ve already apologised for using it. Would you like to report it and have it deleted?

Xenia · 20/11/2019 15:37

Where both parents work full time twins can save you a small fortune though ! writing as someone who has 3 single children under 4 at one point and later twins.

If you pay one person to look after the twins from 8am to 6pm in the working week (rather than 2 nursery places) then you have fewer years of that very expensive full time childcare (or if you don't work fewer years losing your wages of £13k or £100k to £500k depending on the mumsnetter) as they are the same age.

Josette77 · 20/11/2019 15:38

Being a special needs mum there is so much above and beyond the financial hardships... The emotional costs, physical costs, relationships costs... Yes the financial burden is hard, that among other things.

bluebluezoo · 20/11/2019 15:43

Most clothes fomr a ds don't pass down to a dd

Why on earth not? Trousers, jeans, tops, socks, jumpers- what stops a girl wearing them?

Even the other way round unless you go full on pink and frilly (in which case it’s your own fault) you can buy gender neutral - although sometimes you have to look very, very hard, and find european shops as they aren’t as gender divided as the UK, again jeans, tees, jumpers can all be passed down.

Even if it isn’t gender neutral, the baby won’t care. It’s only societal pressure that stops up putting a pink tee shirt on a boy.

Xenia · 20/11/2019 15:45

Yes, that must be very hard. In fact when I found out I was pregnant with twins that was my biggest fear as a lot of twins are born early and some with special needs. (Luckily may huge ones were born at 40 weeks to the day (which is technically late for twins) at 6pounds 8 and 7 pounds 8 probably because they were not my first (first births are often the hardest).

What helped me with the twins was if one woke to breastfeed in the night I always woke his twin and fed him at the same time on the other side (and swapped them each feed too) so I wouldn't be woken an hour later by the other one.

Lipperfromchipper · 20/11/2019 15:46

It’s recognised in Ireland. If you have twins you get three times the amount of child benefits so 420 instead of 280. 👍

perplexedagain · 20/11/2019 15:55

NRFT but I agree with OP that having multiples can put additional financial strain on families. I've seen this with friends. two of everything at the same time ... minimal if any discount i.e. 10% off nursery fees for second. Two bikes, Two car seats, two high chairs etc. I don't think OP was comparing with disabled children by the way, think the point was just being made that there is no recognition of the additional financial burden

Xenia · 20/11/2019 16:02

For some it means a bigger car too. We had a volvo estate (I sitl have one now the twins are at university - very useful as it is a bit like a mini van) and it had 2 rear facing seat in the back so we could fit us in the front, 3 children in the back and the twins in the boot area.

JPharm · 20/11/2019 16:07

We had a volvo estate

My dad bought one of these (in snot green as it was cheaper 😂) as soon as he knew he was going to have three kids. Still bangs on about it being the best car he’s ever had!!

ittakes2 · 20/11/2019 16:24

I have twins and I think you are being unreasonable too.

Skinnychip · 20/11/2019 16:26

Someone I know of has just had triplets. My mind boggles at the extra expense of 3 at once!!😳

ittakes2 · 20/11/2019 16:27

I’m sorry all this two of everything...and people with similar aged children need multiple things as well!!

Samcro · 20/11/2019 16:29

fucking hell. YABU for bringing disabled children into it.
having a disabled child is quite often a life long financial commitment/.
not just a few years.
very very offensive Op

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