Teacher choosing to shorten DD's name

[mummasaurus]

Hi,

DD has a name that is long and could be shortened but she choses not to, don't want to state it as could be outing but think Samantha, so could be Sam if she wished. She started school in September and has just got very upset this evening because she says people in school aren't using her full name. After explaining that sometimes people do shorten their name and all she has to do is say to her classmates that she prefers her full first name she replied 'it's not the children, it's Mrs X (her teacher), and I have told her but she hasn't stopped'

AIBU to think this is bad of the teacher? We completed the registration form with DDs full first name as her preferred name.

I used to work in a sixth-form college with a very imperious librarian. One morning break a student came in and asked my boss where she’d find a particular book. ‘Find it yourself,’ was the reply. ‘I would normally, Miss, but I’ve only got a minute before break is over.’
‘Look, whatever-your-name-is, I told you to find it yourself.’
‘My name, Miss, is XXX,’
‘Well, I can’t remember everyone’s names.’
‘Well I remembered Miss’.
I went for a giggle in the fiction section.

I think everyone is entitled to three syllables. Four is pushing your luck.

I have a cousin called Sarah who I’m close to (pronounced Sarr-ah).
I have a new-ish niece called Sarah, who I see every month or two. (Pronounced Serr-ah).

OK, now that's unusual. It's normally Sara that can be pronounced either way. I've never met a Sarah whose name is pronounced Sarr-ah. Guess her mum got confused

Jesus I have had my name shortened, and it doesn't bother me one bit, I find it a term of endearment and usually used when people are being friendly. The amount of precious pearls on this thread is unreal. And for a young kid to be that wound up about their name being shortened is madness.

danmthatonestakentryanotheer I think that was brilliant of your daughter! Respect goes both ways.

Oh god I am guilty of doing this to my class. I would address them by the full names during registration or for tasks etc but quite often I will call them nick names like

oh well done Pops (poppy)
Good job ru (rueben)
I love your picture lex (lexi)

They probably all hate me!

YANBU!! If speaking to teacher hasn't worked go to the head. They can't decide just to shorten their name.

I remember my mum telling me about a little boy when she used to run a playschool - so 2/3 year olds.

They had a little boy come in with a name like Christopher, which is what his mum introduced him as. However he wasn't answering or appearing to recognise his name - they tried him with Chris thinking maybe he was used to the short version. Still no response (and asking him what he wanted them to call him didn't help either)
When the mum came to pick him up they asked her - apparently Dad's name was also Christopher and the child was always called Junior at home - he didn't realise his name was Christopher or any varient of it (after the first day all the staff called him Junior and he was quite happy)

I must have been an absolute pain in the ass for teachers in my secondary school (not to do with shortening the name) as my siblings all went to the same secondary school and I am the youngest in the family. So when a teacher called on me, they tended to call me by one of my siblings names...and only eventually when they got to my actual name, did I respond. I am not my siblings, nor they me. I felt it was the only way I could have any sort of 'control' of the situation and eventually, by about the second term of my first year in secondary school the teachers that my siblings and I shared, knew to call me by my name and not theirs. I felt it was rude on their behalf.

If you have a word with your DD's teacher, let them know you've told her not to respond to a shortened version of her name because that isn't her name. She will not be rude but she just won't respond to the shorter version.

Good luck!

It's bad for a teacher to do it tbh, especially if you've already had a word . However , it's not worth getting your knickers in a twist about. When you dd is older you won't be able to go around telling her work mates and friends off for shortening her name. It's just one of those things. My friend has a child called Olivia-belle , goes mad if you call her Olivia. The amount of lovely people she has had a go at because she is precious about it is uncountable. Just makes her look a little neurotic .

I had the opposite problem with one of my kids, his teacher insisted on calling him by his full name whereas he had been called by the short version since the day he was born. I just had a quick word with his teacher and told her he got upset at being called by his full name. (He actually used to refer to it as his "naughty name" - you know how mums give the full name when they're reprimanding a child?...)
The teacher was fine about it and changed his label on his peg, and his books. I'm sure if it comes from you rather than your daughter, the teacher will stop abbreviating her name.

@BlancoNita

Jesus I have had my name shortened, and it doesn't bother me one bit, I find it a term of endearment and usually used when people are being friendly. The amount of precious pearls on this thread is unreal. And for a young kid to be that wound up about their name being shortened is madness

I hate my name being shortened and I after I introduce myself i'm often asked 'what do people call you' (pet peeve, if I wanted to be Jo I'd introduce myself as Jo'.

I find it a sign of endearing that my family still nm 'little' even tho i'm taller than most of them (youngest child).

However it's bloody annoying that people choose a nickname for me, I sometimes get Jo, Jose, Josie and Posy. Nope my name is Josephine and I won't answer to Jo, Jose, Josie, Anna, Tamara, Sammy and thats not my name. My closest friend have their own little NM for me which are usually inside jokes; dopey fopy however their partners/parents/friends always call me Josephine. Bloody annoying that everywhere I go I have to correct people who decide that my chosen name isn't good enough.

On the other hand I have a family member who's double barrelled which is just a mouthful think Abigail-Tamara and I think her mother is a bit precious to give and stick with.

@When you teach hundreds of kids every year, getting the names right is difficult. Teaching sublings has that site that many people mix them up. I used to do that a lot when I was teaching- mix younger/older kids names all the time. I hope they didn't think I was rude, as that was never an intention. I'd apologise and try to remember, but believe me, it's not always easy, particularly when kids were physically similar, or when the names were similar (I had one set of siblings who all had similar sounding names!), and some of the names just rolled off the tongue easier than others, especially if I taught one sibling for 3 years and then the new one came in.
Nothing to do with taking individuality away, but memory does not always work perfectly when you have to dovide your attention between a million things that happen in the class!

@Rachel1874- why just he head, the minister of education surely would be better!
Come on people, a teacher who has hundreds of names to remember, and probably loads with the same name, but all wanting to be called something different, it happens.
OP just let the teacher know, and your daughter can correct them as well if the teacher forgets.

YANBU. Have a polite word, if it doesn't stop, email the head and the copy the teacher in.

It's basic respect.

My mum told me a story: her name is Heather and her teacher insisted on calling her Hazel. She corrected her many times and in the end she chose to ignore her.
One day the teacher walked up to her and said "Hazel! I'm talking to you!" And my mum replied "you couldn't possibly be talking to me, my name is not Hazel, it's Heather".

She never called her Hazel again.

dementedma Tue 19-Nov-19 20:55:51
We have a 17 year old Joseph. People always call him Joe. He just says “my name is Joseph, not Joe” until they get the message. Or he adds a pointed “Seph” to repeat offenders calling him “joe”. Stick at it and people will get used to the full version.

Although, I must admit, when he was little and struggling to say his name, he called himself “fofuf ”. It is not unheard of for the family to still call him “fofers” or ”Fofe” from time to time. It sounds especially lovely when he’s with his sister “Dodies” or “Dodes” (Rosie)! People must think my kids have really weird names....
.........
That is just sooooo sweeet!

I know a David who, when he was starting to talk, referred to himself as 'Dade', sometimes 'The Dade'; his parents also called him 'Daisy' sometimes (it was meant nicely :-) ), which was often shorted to 'Dais' (pronounced 'days').

He's still called Dade and Dais sometimes as well as, of course, Dave - and he is a really cool Dave.

I wish I'd had a nickname.

FelicisNox, I don't blame your mum one bit. She should have been called 'Hev', had she been Hazel it would have been 'Haze'.

Ds name gets shortened by teachers & pupils, he hates it. Whenever he hands work in he underlines his forename several times. If I go in school I correct them. We had a form to be filled in when he started which asked what he preferred to be called, he put his full name down.

I feel for your daughter as I know exactly what shes going through. I always got told off for not answering to my shortened name, it was a very common name when shortened and mine is extremely unique so I've always seen it as a completely different name.
To this day I have to stop people calling me by the shortened name, I massively hate it.
Definitely inform the teacher on how she feels about it.

One of ours was renamed by a teacher.
She said right I'm going to call you..(nickname).......because you look like a (nickname) to me!! and soon the whole class were calling him that.
It's a cool nickname.
He is 18 and at uni and still goes by that name now, even his grandparents use it.
Wish I'd thought of it to be honest.

Seriously chill out! This will happen her whole life so unless she wants to be correcting people constantly then I suggest you get over yourself seriously!

I had this at school, think along the same lines as Samantha, I have a name that has three really common shortenings.

One short version was used by family, another by friends and another that was never used by anyone that knew me.

Even as an adult people just regularly use the 'Sammy' - I just correct them. My mum told teachers I was not to be called 'Sammy' - eventually they got to grips with it.

Stick to your guns!

The Early Years curriculum guidance (baby to end of reception) says that children must be called by their given name unless, as some of you have said, parents have put an alternative on their registration form in the “known as”.or “preferred” name, On the not so nice/ extreme side of things, shortening or making nicknames could be deemed a safeguarding issue around grooming!!!

I can't believe how many people think it is ok to call people by something other than the name they prefer. Yes, lots of people automatically shorten names or use nicknames with good intentions, or because it is what they are used to but if they are corrected they should stop it. Their "right" to be friendly, affectionate or whatever does not trump the individual's right to be addressed in the way they want.The people that insist on shortening my name all have, to my mind, ugly and rather silly nicknames, but they like them so I use them because that is the polite thing to do. But wanting to be known by your actual, full name is precious, demanding and over sensitive it seems? FWIW I have a fairly short name that is not usually shortened anyway, but it doesn't stop certain people trying.
And yes, people make mistakes. But the OP's daughter has pointed out the error and been ignored. That should be challenged and as she is a little girl who might not find it easy to keep correcting an adult in authority, then the job falls to her parent/s. I agree it would be an over reaction to go straight to the head teacher but it is entirely reasonable to contact the class teacher.
I always ask my clients what they wish to be called. It is basic manners. I am shocked that so many people here appear to disagree.

A teacher in my school calls a girl called Cornelia Cornflakes instead so it could be worse