Teacher choosing to shorten DD's name

[mummasaurus]

Hi,

DD has a name that is long and could be shortened but she choses not to, don't want to state it as could be outing but think Samantha, so could be Sam if she wished. She started school in September and has just got very upset this evening because she says people in school aren't using her full name. After explaining that sometimes people do shorten their name and all she has to do is say to her classmates that she prefers her full first name she replied 'it's not the children, it's Mrs X (her teacher), and I have told her but she hasn't stopped'

AIBU to think this is bad of the teacher? We completed the registration form with DDs full first name as her preferred name.

You really need to get over this OP. It will happen throughout her life and its best if she learns how to get round it and not get upset.

I have a name which can be shortened. It's Abigail and often I get called Abi. It's fine tbh even in professional settings when it feels a bit odd to me.

My best friend when I was little was called Kate and she hated being called Katie. It really didn't matter really but almost became her 'thing' to be pissed off about it.

Tbh I find this insistence on being called your full name rather precious.

This would drive me crazy! When my eldest was younger, everyone used to shorten her name to something that I'd find quite offensive if it was me. I did mention it, but the teachers never stopped doing it. DD didn't care, still doesn't, so I didn't bother mentioning it again. It just annoys me that she's not called the name I chose for her - if I wanted you to call her a short name I would've written a short name on her birth certificate!

My name is a feminine version of a male name and throughout my life I have sometimes been called the male version. I just smile and say the correct one.

I have a short name which can be used as a version of longer names (think Vikki/Victoria, Ben/Benjamin). I had problems at school with teachers assuming my name was shortened & calling me by the incorrect longer name. Has also been an initial problem when working but I just (politely) correct them straight away.

I had this at school- teachers would regularly assume I was 'Lizzie' and I'd correct them back to Elizabeth. Became easier as I got older as I just ignored any teacher using the wrong name and they got the message soon enough. Height of rudeness in my opinion to use a name the person has not given you permission to use. I think I would have a casual chat with the teacher in your case OP.

Through life I suspect (like it or not), people will shorten your daughter’s name. I get mine shortened to about three different alternatives. Sometimes people just forget as they have friends with a similar name. Some people are just being friendly, but no one does it to show lack of respect or is just trying to be mean/difficult.
Therefore I’d just prime your daughter for the possibility that others will continue to do this throughout her life and if she really has a problem with it, some people might just need the occasional reminder. But, no, I don’t think the teacher is ‘bad’ for this.

Urgh. Your name is part of your identity.

You don't need a 'nice chat'. Your DD has told the teacher and the teacher has done it regardless.

Write an email to the head. And ask for their policy on teachers giving children nicknames they neither like nor ask for.

Talk to her teacher and sag dd has said she told you that she prefers to be called...... Please use this and do not shorten her name in future.

A quick word should sort it with the teacher, and hopefully she can explain to everyone that "Samantha" is what your daughter prefers. Unfortunately if the shortened version has been being used, it will take a little while for everyone to get used to the longer one, so she might have to accept that she'll need to remind people for a bit.

There's the odd name which almost everyone shortens - I'm not sure I've ever met a Benjamin who wanted to be called that, and Christophers are fairly rare, too. I used to go down the register the first day and ask everyone to tell me if what I read out was not pronounced correctly, or if they wanted a shortened version using.

At least you agree with your daughter - I was once berated by parents because I was using a shortening their daughter had asked me to use, but they didn't like!

DD has a name that’s v commonly shortened but we just don’t. She wouldn’t even know to answer to it. I’d have a word.

Complain to the head teacher 😮 are you serious @TheLightSideOfTheMoon ?!?

Why would you try to get a teacher in trouble for probably just forgetting or trying to be friendly?

No one has ever said “I don’t like her, I’m going to shorten her name”.

Just wow.

email the head??

Obviously she’s not called Jean.

I don't think you needed to point that out. Nobody would call their kid Jean.

We have a 17 year old Joseph. People always call him Joe. He just says “my name is Joseph, not Joe” until they get the message. Or he adds a pointed “Seph” to repeat offenders calling him “joe”. Stick at it and people will get used to the full version.

Although, I must admit, when he was little and struggling to say his name, he called himself “fofuf ”. It is not unheard of for the family to still call him “fofers” or ”Fofe” from time to time. It sounds especially lovely when he’s with his sister “Dodies” or “Dodes” (Rosie)! People must think my kids have really weird names....

Op, I have a cousin called Sarah who I’m close to (pronounced Sarr-ah).
I have a new-ish niece called Sarah, who I see every month or two. (Pronounced Serr-ah).

I always pronounce my nieces name wrong and then have to correct myself. I don’t do it maliciously...I’m just used to pronouncing the name the other way. I don’t think her mother minds though. I’ll get it eventually.

I'd speak to the teacher

@mummasaurus, I’ve had the sam issue. Dc1 name has ALWAYS been shorten by teachers (and therefore by his friends). For whatever reasons, they all seem to think it’s an ok thing to do or that it’s ‘normal’ to shorten names like this.
Dc1 quickly gave up and this is still going in now that he is in secondary.
The worse thing is when I receive emails from teachers wth his shorten name and I answer back with his full name. And they still use the shorten version

I’m nit sure what the answer is but she will have have to ‘fight’ all the way if she wants people to use her full name.
In the mean time, as she is so little, Id have a word with the teacher telling her this name shortening is really upsetting her.

It would be perfectly reasonable to let the teacher in question know how you'd like her to be addressed.

Although I'd hope any child would develop a little resilience over time so they don't get extremely upset over someone simply shortening their name.

Why would you try to get a teacher in trouble for probably just forgetting or trying to be friendly?

Are you new here? At least 5% of threads are this.

We employ a deputy head whose main job is to spend all day on the phone saying: 'no I'm not calling you a shit mum, we send those letters to all children with low attendance' and 'I'm so sorry the teacher asked your special little Tarquin to do his homework'.

"nobody would call their kid jean" I know a small child with a hyphenated name jean Eg Sophie-Jean

If you think this is a matter for the Head then you have a seriously skewed idea of exactly how busy teachers/Heads are! The teacher doesn't mean to offend anyone. She's probably used to all Samanthas asking to be called Sam and forgets your daughter doesn't want to be Sam. When I have new classes (secondary) I ask in the first lesson if they want to be something other than what is written in the register. I try, I really do. But I'm well aware that I keep calling Edward Eddie as he always used to want to be Eddie and has only now decided he wants to be Edward. I've acknowledged that I sometimes get it wrong and told him I'm sorry and I am trying my best. I'm sure a quick email saying please could you try to remember her name is Samantha would be enough!

My niece is called Amelia and her reception teachers used to call her ‘mimi’ 🤣🤷🏼‍♀️

I would also say brace yourself.
For whatever reason this thread is full of them teacher can’t shorten a name like this! Your name is part if your identity’!,

But there are also many many threads in here about how it’s totally normal to do that people should just get used to be called by their short name etc... it’s nit a big deal. And id you didn’t want your dc to be called Sam then you should have chosen another name ‘because it’s obvious that Samantha will be shortened as Sam’
I think many people in RL think like this too.

Just speak politely to the teacher, they may not realise if your dd hasn't said anything

Yanbu.

I had a disagreement with my ds AHT over this same thing.

Ds has asd. Therefore communication is difficult anyway and mostly he has great teachers but some just don't get it.

Not real name but for example his name is Callum. Middle name James.
He uses Callum or CJ. CJ started because my dad called it as a pet name (they are very close) and he has another Callum in his class (who was always in trouble!) and he didn't want people thinking the name on the board was him. So he asked school to use it as preferred name.

In his class was a Callum, cal and CJ. His teacher would say Cal and then be arsenal with my ds for not answering. Ds would rightly say he didn't know she meant him when his heads down and working as he's CJ in school.

Teacher then said "well I don't use nicknames" so ds said "call me Callum then".

She continued to call him Cal (which confused all 3 boys as they all used different names and knew who was who and all other teachers called them these).

His AHT said he should answer to Callum or Cal or even CJ whenever the teacher said any of those 3 names. She didn't like it when I asked if he could say Mrs then and I assumed the school would expect her to answer.

AHT said "no, because that disrespectful"

I replied "exactly" while giving her my best innocent stare.

Teacher called him CJ from that day on