Teacher choosing to shorten DD's name

[mummasaurus]

Hi,

DD has a name that is long and could be shortened but she choses not to, don't want to state it as could be outing but think Samantha, so could be Sam if she wished. She started school in September and has just got very upset this evening because she says people in school aren't using her full name. After explaining that sometimes people do shorten their name and all she has to do is say to her classmates that she prefers her full first name she replied 'it's not the children, it's Mrs X (her teacher), and I have told her but she hasn't stopped'

AIBU to think this is bad of the teacher? We completed the registration form with DDs full first name as her preferred name.

I understand what your daughter is going through OP. My daughter's name seems to be impossible for English people to say. I don't understand it, but they always seem to add letters to it that shouldn't be there. It still upsets DD that people cannot say her name, even DH's family struggle to get it right. For the record, her name is not 'exotic' or hard to say. My advice is to support your daughter, and maybe have a quiet word with her teacher. It hasn't helped dd much in our case, but it is worth trying.

Mention it to the teacher. Lots of children start with forms with long names but prefer a shortened version.

I had a girl before who had been answering to a shortened version, which one of the TAs who knew her family outside of school called her so I had assumed was her preferred name, it wasn't til her dad spoke to me that I realised she didn't like it, she had told dad she had tried to tell me herself but I don't think she had (although quiet little 4 year old trying to say something politely in a busy classroom, maybe she thought she had tried but I hadn't heard her). Obviously once I knew I apologised to the child, explained to everyone and stopped using the shortened name but sometimes these things are just mistakes so hopefully a quick chat will be enough to fix it.

I've always asked children in the first registration of the school year what they prefer to be called - some shorten, some not. Equally, I've always asked them to correct me if I'm pronouncing it wrong. Getting a name right's a matter of respect.

Not much you can do tbh. It is irksome, but people names do get shortened. My friend's daughter is called Chloe, and it drives her nuts when people call her 'Clo.' I would find it annoying too.

When people have one syllable names, some people bloody lengthen it! Eg, Luke would be Lukey. Mark would be Marky or Marco. Why people can't just call someone by their given name is beyond me.

I have a very classic name that has an obvious shortening that I hate.
People automatically shorten it, I pull b then up on it, and they often say they didn’t realise they had done it. I’ve even had people say things like “ Oh short, when you say Victoria I think Vicky, they’re the same thing in my mind.”.
So yes, point it out to the teacher, but also expect that she will have a life time of it.

This is not the end of the world, and I think you need to help your child relax about it, as getting upset seems an over reaction. Speak to the teacher. Do not, for goodness sake, email the head.

It can be hard to remember names. I teach primary, but because we set for reading, maths and English I teach 60 different kids each day.

I sometime call the child by the wind name, but it's never deliberate. I'm sure the teacher will make a concerted effort to get it right if you have a polite word with her

When any of my DCs have started school they have always been asked if they like to go by any other name.. did they do this on your DDs school visits.
If your daughter is upset then definitely broach it with them, no child should be upset.
My DS is Zachary, we don't use Zach very often at all but, he is happy when his friends or teachers call him it.
Personal preference and all that.

My son has his name shortened. Think Jason to Jase. Teachers do it, sports coaches do it but thankfully he doesn’t mind

Actually, that's a point. My DD has a short name, not suitable for shortening further. So I lengthen it as a term of endearment! And I'm the only one who calls her that.

MIL was a teacher and shortens all names. Her DC equiv of Jonathan, Katharine, Margaret - Johnnie, Katie, Maggie. My DC equiv of William/Imogen. One happy with Will one not happy with Immy.

My name is same genre as Cressida. I may not be called Cressie.

Evidently she'd have shortened every child's name in her class - ha ha. Inappropriate.

When I was a child, in the 70s and 80s, teachers used to insist on calling me by my full name, a name which I completely loathed. Looking back at my childhood now, I understand that this was because I was called it when I was in trouble and, when my abusive F used it, it meant that something unpleasant was going to happen.

As an adult, I adopted a shortened version of my name and it's now what I'm known as to friends and family.

I'm glad that teachers do care about what name children want to be called as. I think just a quiet word with the class teacher will probably be enough. It's by far preferable for this to be resolved without unnecessary drama.

Those saying people are precious about not wanting names shortened thats your personally choice. I loathe the shortening of my name, it is not my name, never has been and in my mind sounds like a different person.

You don't have to learn to accept it, but you do need to learn ways to stop it - I am now blunt and generally ignore people unless they use my name.

As I said as a teacher I make sure I use what is on the register until I am 100% sure they are happy with the shortened version and I have remembered correctly.

Oh and I teach a Benjamin and a Christopher - full names this year.

I work in a Nursery and frequently change kids names too little nicknames I've made up for them. If they didn't like it I'd stop, but I think they realise it comes from affection and love me all the more for it. Hopefully they're parents aren't too previous or controlling, but I guess I'll get told off at some point if one comes along!

My best friend when I was little was called Kate and she hated being called Katie. It really didn't matter really but almost became her 'thing' to be pissed off about it.

Tbh I find this insistence on being called your full name rather precious.

One's name is one's identity. To want people to use the name that you've been given is neither precious nor a 'thing'. To deliberately call someone something other than their name, is about as selfish and disrespectful as it gets.

I taught a lot of children with non-English names. The first thing I did with anew class is check how their names were pronounced (all the more so as most of them were non-verbal so couldn't correct me).

I had a colleague who took over my class the next year, and deliberately mispronounced a child's name, to the point that it was very fundamentally not his name. When I tried to correct her, she said "I know, but my way is easier to say. I don't care what he thinks"
She had a hideous attitude, and fortunately didn't last long.

I'm often astounded how many people say it's precious to want people to use the name you calm yourself.

Yet we are in the midst of the biggest shake up re boundaries and teaching kids body autonomy.

How can we say their name doesn't matter - the first point of basic respect - yet expect them to understand other boundaries do?

I once worked in a nursery with a woman who I noticed was writing ‘Abby’ on all paintings etc done by ‘Abigail.’ I asked her if she’d asked the mum if she wanted Abigail shortened (the girl herself referred to herself as Abigail) and if so was that the spelling she wanted? Coworker assured me yes, she’d checked and yes that was the right spelling. Anyway, I also checked and she said she preferred Abigail but didn’t mind if her daughter wanted it shortened (she’d never given any indication that she did) but if so would like the spelling to be ‘Abbie.’

I’m a teacher (Sec) and always ask the new Year 7s ‘Benjamin are you a Ben or a Benjamin?’ and use whatever they prefer (...if I can remember their names, 230 new names this year 🙈).

However, I do think parents are really stupid for calling their child a name that is commonly shortened and then want the full name. I have acquaintances who did this with their youngest DS and it was a mild source of amusement among us that they would correct people politely every time the child’s name was shortened...and the child grew up and prefers now to be known by the shortened form 😂

"Laura's mother, who disliked this cheapening of names, called her third child May, thinking it would not lend itself to a diminutive; but while still in her cradle the child was called Mayie by the neighbours."

(Did it for O-level. Some things stick a long time...)

I had teachers who would call me Julia rather than Julie, which was incredibly annoying. And let's face it, if you can't remember what a child's called you're going to have difficulty remembering what support they need or how much challenge is appropriate.

My son's teachers all asked him whether he was Christopher or Chris (to which the answer was a shrug and "whatever" ). It's really rude to call someone anything other than the name they're introduced to you by.

I never shorten a persons name no matter how old they are, as a mark of respect. If they wish to be called anything other than that, I respect that. It could be the Teacher is used to a similar name, and keeps forgetting. You must keep reminding the teacher of the correct name, and this is how your DD prefers to be identified. Names are very important, and can lead to bullying if it is highlighted by the teachers incorrect use. YANBU

Write an email to the head. And ask for their policy on teachers giving children nicknames they neither like nor ask for.

Fml, really?? At the max, tell the teacher. I’d be amazed if my head remembered to tell me something this minor.

I teach primary, but because we set for reading, maths and English I teach 60 different kids each day.

Secondary here. 6 classes a day, average of 30 students in each class, 7 groups are new to me this year. I think it’s a teacher thing that we learn names super quickly! Talking to a friend from an old school today, he mentioned a certain student from 3 years ago. I know who he meant.

Teachers are busy etc she probably doesn’t know she’s doing it half the time. Let her get on with her job.

Just talk to the teacher.

I ask all students for their preferred version at the start of the year. When you've got 150+ students it can be hard remembering which Elizabeth goes by Lizzie/Beth/Libby/Bessie but the intention is there.

One year a student said he preferred Dan rather than Daniel (name change obviously). I called him Dan for around 12 weeks until his mum really kindly told me he didn't like being called Dan. She was surprised he'd even suggested it. I went back to Daniel but loads of kids still called him Dan and he responded. He still replies to a mix to this day and I'm not entirely sure if the dislike to Dan was his or his Mum's.

I do agree with some posters though, it you don't like really common shortenings of a name then it's a risk calling your child that name.

I'm 51 and I've had this all my life. I absolutely loathe the shortened version of my name, but there isn't a single person in my life - apart from my mother - who doesn't use it. I've asked so many times to be called by the correct name, most people do it once and the instantly revert back.
I've given up asking now. I'd be telling your daughter to get used to it, this teacher is just the first in what will be a long line....