Teacher choosing to shorten DD's name

[mummasaurus]

Hi,

DD has a name that is long and could be shortened but she choses not to, don't want to state it as could be outing but think Samantha, so could be Sam if she wished. She started school in September and has just got very upset this evening because she says people in school aren't using her full name. After explaining that sometimes people do shorten their name and all she has to do is say to her classmates that she prefers her full first name she replied 'it's not the children, it's Mrs X (her teacher), and I have told her but she hasn't stopped'

AIBU to think this is bad of the teacher? We completed the registration form with DDs full first name as her preferred name.

My dad’s name gets shortened too, she has ASD so does not correct anyone (she’s not very verbal) but when I attend meetings and parents evenings they often refer to her by her shortened name and it pisses me off slightly. Dd doesn’t seem to mind so I haven’t made an issue of it.

My name is Yvonne, lots of people struggle to pronounce my name, some try and shorten it to Eve, I don't answer.
Just have a quiet word with her teacher and let them know.

If a person says their name is x it's a bit rude to call them y. I can't recall a sinvle teacher who has ever called me "mum". Perhaps Will's mum which is totally correct. More irksome is the fact tjat almost every hcp has called me "mum". Er no, just no.

Thankfully our primary had a form with a box "what your child is called at home". It isn't hard.

I was a teacher for 34 years who really struggled to learn my students names (Secondary), I have since discovered this is an actual condition and I know my father had the same problem as he constantly confused my, my brother's and his own brother's names. So we all used nicknames for one another which bizarrely stuck.

So,to help my problem, I did seating plans and at that time I asked each student what they preferred to be called and wrote it down , together with phonetic spelling if necessary. Thus I made absolutely sure that the child was properly addressed. All teachers should do this and if they don't they are being arrogant and bordering on bullying.

At school I and my classmates were often given nicknames by teachers but this was back in the 60s and 70s. Some were funny, some were affectionate, and, as it was a boarding school we called each other by our surnames as did the staff, I think this was partly because calling people by their surnames was seen as arch even then, and teachers were anxious to develop friendly relations with their classes. What IS interesting is certain teachers who encourage their sixth formers to call them by their first names. I never did that. Was I wrong? I have no idea, but it didn't prevent me doing my job or having good relationships with students. So yes YANBU to expect your child to be shown respect. Others on here have given you suggestions and I would go along with them but would not encourage you to bother the Head with it unless you get ignored by the teacher, but even then I would speak to the teacher's Head of Department, or Head of Year.

My DD hates having her name shortened( it's one that can't be shortened but there are always those that try). She had to change schools when she was 8 so we had a tour of the primary she was going to attend. The HT introduced himself and off we went for a look around. At the end of the tour he turned to DD and said " so what do you think (shortened name)? DD "replied " it's ok thanks Pete".. Cue a look from HT and the reply of " um my name is mister xxx and that is what you will call me"...to which DD replied ..." my name is (proper version) but you didn't call me that did you?"

Nobody in that primary called her anything but the full version of her name and HT loved her.

When I had dd husband named her Kimberly, and I agreed on the understanding dd would be known as this and not Kim. Fast forward 32yrs and all her friends call her Kim but not in earshot of me and all her family still call her by her full name Kimberly. It's a personal thing I suppose but I don't like it when her name is shortened, but that's not my choice anymore.

If your dd prefers her full name, then that's what she should be called.

My ds has a similar name with an obvious short version. His teachers and schoolmates called him by the short version but the difference was he prefers it. Your dd does not, so the teacher should respect that. I agree with writing it in the homework diary or whatever, and if nothing has changed in a week's time, speak to the teacher.

I agree you just need a polite word with the teacher.

However, you need to be prepared for the fact that other children are likely to shorten your child's name anyway. We stuck to the full version of DS's name all through primary school, but by year 7 he was using the short version himself and we had to admit defeat.

I taught a child called Louis in Year 2, I always assumed that it was pronounced Louis...
As did the Y1 teacher and the Reception teacher before that...
One day his teenage sister picked him up and referred to him as Lewis!!!
But that’s just the same name spelled differently?

It might be a lot easier and kinder to explain to your child that nicknames are a mark of affection. If people do not use a "short" or nickname for you, it often means they don't like you.

@MyDcAreMarvel Louis can be pronounced like Lewis or as "lou-ee".

I think I'd just let it go, it's unusual for a child to be annoyed at name shortening or nicknames (unless it's something horrible), generally it is parents who object. I never did, my son - let's call him 'Stephen' for on here - was called 'Steve' from when he started school. I think it's friendly. Practically everyone calls him 'Steve'. When he meets someone he says he is 'Steve' to his friends.

My first name is one syllable and I would have absolutely loved to have a name that could be shortened.

However if it really does bother your daughter I suppose it could be mentioned.

This really is not a 'email the head teacher' or go in all guns blazing incident. It really is.

Yes, the child may have mentioned it, but the first port of call is still for the parent to have a polite chat with the teacher.

The teacher is highly unlikely to be doing it on purpose or to annoy your child.

I work in infants but I teach 270 children a week.

I teach many children with the same full name. Some use their full name, some use a shortened name, some use a less common shortened name, some use different pronunciations.

I am given registers at the start of the year but these usually have the full name on them. I do try to write down preferred name on my own notes, but don't always have them. Even at this stage I don't know every child's name and preferred name by sight - too many children, many of which appear to look very similar and loads with the same or similar names. We also have children with the same sounding name but different spellings to add to the mix too. I don't do it on purpose but sometimes I get the wrong version of a name for the wrong child.

I ask the children to remind me politely if I say their name wrong, be it the wrong preferred name or the wrong pronunciation.

I use the shortened version of my name and always have done so. I used to refuse to answer to the full name if used. Since becoming an adult I have become even more pedantic. When my boss spelled my full name wrong in a business letter I returned it and said no such person and made him rewrite it. He was well pissed off with me.

No one has suggested the teachers are doing it to annoy the students but teachers do demand respect and they should therefore return the most basic respect - and name the children correctly! (I teach!)

I wouldn't want students thinking they can call me Miss Weir or weirdo or any other version. So I wouldn't call them Tom, Sam or Kim if that's not what they wanted.

I have however used shortened versions when students have asked me too - even though the parents may say that's not their name!

I use my ds full name (he hates shortened version) school and his friends use initials which is what ds chose. I typed above now w teacher refused his "nickname" but wouldn't call him his full name instead but rather shortened it.
His school tried to say he was the rude one for not answering?

When my DD was at nursery one of her teachers used to call her various nicknames that sounded similar to her name or were a shortened made up version of my DDs name. At first I tried not to let it irritate me and tried to see it as a term of endearment but then names got more and more elaborate that It did start to grate on me. She seemed to prefer to call her anything other than her actual name! My daughter went on the reception and it never happened again. My other child's name can be shortened and although we never do as soon as he went to school all his friends shortened it. That in itself doesn't bother me or him at all.

a teacher did that for my dd
it stuck

YANBU

My daughter once replied to a teacher with 'my name is FULLNAME only my friends can call me SHORTVERSION - you can call me FULLNAME'

She was always called by her full name - now she's in college and everyone (aside from family - and we gave her the option and she said it would be weird if we shortened it) calls her by the short version

Please, tell the teacher your DD's name is [this] and only [this] and she should only be referred to as [this]

I'm a teacher, and the first thing I've always done is double-check what name students want to be known by/prefer to be known by. That's called respect - and no matter whether it's nursery, primary, secondary or any other form of education, that shouldn't change.

So many pp saying "I didn't want to say anything..." - please say something! I've been on both sides of the fence - both a teacher, and a parent with a DC with a name that's slightly out of the ordinary, and is often mispronounced/misspelled. But, if I don't stand up for my DC, who will? And if you won't tell the teacher, "No, my child's name is [this] when they're young, who else will?

Not yanbu. My brother has a name that could be shortened but we have always called him by his long name. When at primary school the teacher tried shortening it, my mum went and told them but still they called him the short name. He was then in trouble one day for not listening and following instructions. When they told my mum they used his short name, my mum responded well he won't listen as that isnt his name so probably thought you were talking to someone else (there was another boy in the class with the same name but preferred the short version). Since then, they called him his full name.

I'm also a Y1 teacher and I ask what they prefer to be called when they start in my class. Some like the short versions some like the long versions but I always check!

I have a name that isn’t shortened but can be pronounced in 2 different ways. It seems strange that I will obviously introduce myself one way and yet the other person will continue to say my name wrongly.
My dgs is usually called by a shortened version of his name but has decided to change it at school to the long version.

A boy in my secondary school had a name with an English version, and despite everyone else calling him his actual name our languages teacher insisted on calling him the English version. He was too polite to correct her even though he didn't like it so one day someone else told her. She went "oh he doesn't mind though" and carried on. It wasn't even a hard name to say! It's disrespectful to choose to call someone the wrong name

I taught a child called Louis in Year 2, I always assumed that it was pronounced Louis

But you can pronounce that spelling either way. Hard S or no S at the end

Yes, if it's Samantha, not Sam. But if it's Samantha-Angel-Louise - and it sometimes is!- it's too fussy. One child, one name is plenty.