AIBU?
Christmas dinner drama
thegreenlight · 19/11/2019 19:36
My husband is cooking turkey Christmas dinner this year with all the trimmings. We have invited my parents and my mum said she would bring beef in gravy. I told my husband this and he was quite upset (he only really cooks at Christmas and it is kind of a big deal to him) I very gently suggested to my mum that she not bring anything and she was fine with this initially.
However, when I saw her next she said that my dad (who is in his 70s) wasn’t coming if he couldn’t eat the meat he wanted and that if he was a vegetarian we would have to cater to him and this is no different. I am now stuck in the middle and don’t know who is being more unreasonable.
My husband said that we should cancel them coming to dinner if they won’t eat what he cooks and we should just pop in to see them on Christmas day but I don’t want to drag our DDs (6 and 2) away from their presents.
My parents can be quite narcissistic and controlling and there is a bit of bad blood with my husband and them due to their previous treatment of me but they seem blissfully unaware of this. This has probably coloured DHs reaction. They do do a lot for us (my mum is looking after DD2 2 days a week until September).
I can see where DH is coming from but I don’t put as much importance on Christmas dinner as he does.
Help! I don’t know what to do. Any direct engagement between my parents and DH would cause a massive falling out as he hasn’t had the lifetime’s experience of dealing with them like I have and will just tell it as it is and that would be taken out on me. Advice please!
PrayingandHoping · 19/11/2019 19:41
I think your parents are being rude unless there really is a long standing fact your dad hates turkey?!!! If he was a vegetarian he would just eat the veg and not the turkey so his point is mute
In my family we have people who are veg, only eat white meat and a nut allergy! So I get dietary needs. But they are consistent and don't throw toys out the pram
Sounds like your parents are being controlling because your husband is cooking and they know it'll upset and annoy him
MegaBlock · 19/11/2019 19:42
I don’t like turkey so I wouldn’t want to eat it on Christmas Day either. I’d let them bring their own meat.
Even though we don’t eat turkey I still do turkey aswell as another meat as for my mum and MIL it wouldn’t be christmas without turkey for them and I’d like actually like my guests to be happy and enjoy themselves.
MyNewBearTotoro · 19/11/2019 19:44
Surely if your Dad wants to bring his own meat it’s no big deal, it’s not like he’s forcing your DH to cook it and I think it’s reasonable if he wants his traditional meat at the meal. It wouldn’t bother me if someone wanted to bring a dish to a Christmas dinner I was making, I’d be glad it was one less thing for me to do!
NoSauce · 19/11/2019 19:46
My parents can be quite narcissistic and controlling and there is a bit of bad blood with my husband and them due to their previous treatment of me but they seem blissfully unaware of this
I guess that’s why your H is putting his foot down here. A long history of your dad being a selfish sod.
DragonflyInn · 19/11/2019 19:48
Oh my gosh. Surely for the sake of good family relations you let them bring a plate of beef! It’s no bother and not a slight on all the other lovely things being cooked. If it’s a problem relationship with your parents though, I would get that perhaps you wish to make a stand - if you weren’t using them for childcare. Honestly I have to make all sorts of compromises with my in-laws. A plate of meat would be the least of them!
CheeryB · 19/11/2019 19:50
If he was a vegetarian he would just eat the veg and not the turkey so his point is mute
Really? If I invited a veggie to Xmas dinner I'd cater something for them even if it was just a nut roast.
Some people just don't like turkey, I don't like it much, it gives me stomach ache.
I think the DH is bvu and quite childish.
JoObrien7 · 19/11/2019 19:55
@thegreenlight
Not everyone likes turkey I find it a bit bland and wouldn't care less if I never ate it again. I think he should be allowed to bring his beef and your husband should remember it is Christmas and make allowances for an old man. My grandmother who has been dead a long time now insisted we had this horrible Walkers Christmas pudding because she always loved it when she was a young girl. We would steam the horrible thing and eat it even though it was like rubber and had chewy cherries in it. Sometimes you have to give and take at Christmas.
NoSauce · 19/11/2019 19:55
My parents can be quite narcissistic and controlling and there is a bit of bad blood with my husband and them due to their previous treatment of me but they seem blissfully unaware of this. This has probably coloured DHs reaction
Are people wilfully ignoring that ^
babydog · 19/11/2019 19:56
if your DH doesn't want them to bring a plate of beef (
) then, will he cook beef as well
is it not a bit weird/controlling to invite guests and insist they can't bring alternative food because they have identified that they don't like what you are cooking, ahead of time. I know, in that circumstance I would either cook an additional dish or let the guest bring their own
would your DH insist your friends are food that they didn't like, when they visit your house?
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.