To be fed up DH acts like a saviour because he takes the kids to school?

[TheLumpiestSpacePrincess]

He works but for himself. Part time. Usually evenings.

So he is here all day, as am I.

He HATES getting up in the morning.

Routine goes like this...

1. 15am. I get up. Don't even bother asking him to.

Get kids up. Take dog out for wee. Make breakfast. Get uniforms laid out. 7.30am.Clear up breakfast Feed dog Load dishwasher Help little ones get dressed. Shout DH to get up. Make DDs lunch. Shout DH to get up. Check bags and prepare any PE kits etc Shout DH to get up. Make myself a cup of tea Shout DH to get up. Take dog out for poop Shout DH to get up (kids need to leave at 8.25) Wave older kids off.

8.05 Shout DH to get up (shout his name)

Which is responded with a very shouty and aggressive "WHAT??"
With him storming down the stairs barging passed me with "it's only fucking five past 8"

Im sick of this every morning. Then he has the audacity to say 'I get up and take them to school every morning!!'

Yeah he does. And he picks them up.

But I do EVERYTHING else

And I'm sick to fucking death of being his alarm every 10 mins (he just ignores his phone and Alexa) then getting a load of fucking grief for it.

I think I'm going to just start taking them myself.

But then I'll resent him even more for doing fuck all(apart from his part time hours) and getting to stay in bed every morning.

Urgh.

But to be honest, I'm fairly sceptical of anyone who lists making themselves a cup of tea on their "list of jobs I do on a morning"

Yes, but I also don't think the school run is much of a 'job' either. Some of the most useless fathers/partners I know manage the school run.

Anyway, we could argue all night about this but I'm not going to. OPs not happy so she needs to talk to her husband and find an arrangement they're both happy with.

I really don’t understand mumsnet!! Kids have to be taken to school and everything that goes with it. OP doesn’t get a choice as to whether to get up or not so why should DH, he is the parent aswell and should take equal responsibility, he is an adult not a teenager. We would all love to lie in bed but that is not how it works when you have kids! 4 hours work a day is hardly strenuous, hopefully he does plenty of other things to help out.

OP doesn’t get a choice as to whether to get up or not so why should DH, he is the parent aswell and should take equal responsibility, he is an adult not a teenager.

A) because the op does it as she's up anyway
B) he does, he gets up and takes them to school, and picks them up. He just doesn't happen to get up an hour earlier than he needs to which is what the op wants him to do.

He is assuming that OP will do it, just because she does get up shouldn’t mean he should shirk his responsibilities. I wish I could get up an hour later after someone else has got all the kids ready to walk out the door!

he does, he gets up and takes them to school, and picks them up. He just doesn't happen to get up an hour earlier than he needs to which is what the op wants him to do.

Men like this can get up an hour later because the woman has got the kids ready, she's got them dressed, made sure they've washed, brushed their teeth, made sure they've eaten, done their hair, probably sorted out their their squabbles. So no, I suppose he doesn't need to get up earlier because he just had to get himself ready. How lovely for him....oh but he did work 4 hours the evening before...what a star ! 🙄

My DH sleeping until 5 mins before school run wouldn’t bother me. I’m not sure why it bothers you. Get him to do the school uniform/bag prep the night before. Get him to load the dishwasher when he gets back from the school run. Surely that evens it out? To be honest, I do all those things you’ve described apart from dog stuff and it doesn’t take me long and I don’t resent it. I’d struggle to spend more than 2 hours per day on housework/school stuff to be honest. If your DH is doing 4 hours work per day and you’re doing 1 hour of morning school prep plus then 1 hour of housework (dishwasher, stick hoover round, give the loo a quick go) you are actually winning. If you were working 4 hours per day and then he was doing nothing then there’s a conversation. But he’s also doing every pick up....hmmm...I’d LOVE to never do another school pick up. That’s worth loading the dishwasher every day to me. I think you’ve got it made personally

Definitely do the kids school prep the night before.

I don't believe he only works four hours a day and makes enough to support a family of 6.

I think that's probably his 'basic' work and he does more admin or organising on top of that.

I'm guessing musician or highly sought after tutor of some kind.

furry
The OP later said he does prep for work during the day.

It's just posters are glossing over that because it's much better to suggest that the DP is some horrendous slacker and 8:25 is lounging around having alie in, and it's really unreasonable for the SAHP to be up getting the kids ready when they've openly said they're a morning person.

I don’t get this repeated shouting up the stairs at him at a time he doesn’t need to be up? I felt annoyed just reading it.

If OP can’t sleep beyond 7:30 then it makes sense for her to be the one letting the dog but other things could be done the night before. And husband stay in bed until 8:15 or whenever.

I think its a bit crap if one parent stays in bed whilst the other does school mornings

Also has she said when in the evening he works?

If he's having to do his 4 hours late then it's totally understandable that he wants to sleep as long as he can.

It's unbelievable that people are calling the DP lazy when he supports the family financially and also does things like taking the children to and from school. So what if OP has to do an hours work in the morning to get children ready for school while he sleeps? She must get plenty of time off during the rest of the day. This thread demonstrates the incredible sexism on this forum sometimes as if this was the other way round people would be calling OP a cock lodger and asking what she contributes to the relationship.

Oh right, of course. Silly me, I forgot! The OP's DH has a penis so it's amazing that he's even managing to literally just drive his kids to school and back on top of working. Not get up and help get them ready, but literally just sit in the car and drive. Incredible! Such effort, such manly dedication.

Whereas most mothers here will work full time, do at least half of the school run and half the chores including getting the kids up and ready.

Of course he's fucking lazy for leaving all the morning prep to his wife and finally hauling himself out of bed just in time to slope from bed straight to car. It's hardly sexist to suggest a man should actually pull his weight as a father, don't be ridiculous.

'Of course he's fucking lazy for leaving all the morning prep to his wife and finally hauling himself out of bed just in time to slope from bed straight to car. It's hardly sexist to suggest a man should actually pull his weight as a father, don't be ridiculous.'

How so?

Op hasn't actually answered anything

How do we know his night job doesn't finish at 2am?

How do we know that his preparation in the day for his job doesn't take him almost all day.

Whereas most mothers here will work full time, do at least half of the school run and half the chores including getting the kids up and ready.

But that's not the case for the OP

The OP doesn't work or do half the school runs.

If he’s lazy for working 4 (it’s really more as he peeps during the day too) hours a day and doing school runs? So what does that make OP? She doesn’t do school runs or work. She does an hour of supervision in the morning. Dresses a small child and loads the dishwasher. Then presumably child care from 3pm til bedtime and cooking dinner. That’s not strenuous. It sounds like they’re pretty balanced tbh.

Getting school age children ready hardly needs 2 adults. OP admits she would be up anyway. She does an hour of morning prep; her DH does an hour of school runs (say). Then he does paid work during the day/evening and OP does childcare/housework. That sounds fairly even to me.

Oh right, of course. Silly me, I forgot! The OP's DH has a penis so it's amazing that he's even managing to literally just drive his kids to school and back on top of working. Not get up and help get them ready, but literally just sit in the car and drive. Incredible! Such effort, such manly dedication.

No one has said he is amazing though have they? They are just commenting that he isn't lazy if he works and supports the family financially as well as doing school drop-offs and pick-ups.

Of course he's fucking lazy for leaving all the morning prep to his wife and finally hauling himself out of bed just in time to slope from bed straight to car. It's hardly sexist to suggest a man should actually pull his weight as a father, don't be ridiculous.

You're not suggesting that he just pulls his weight though. You seem to think that he should do more than OP. He works while OP doesn't. He takes the children to from school while OP doesn't. She hasn't suggested that she does anything he doesn't do apart from get up an hour earlier and for that you are saying he is lazy. That is sexist.

She hasn't suggested that she does anything he doesn't do apart from get up an hour earlier and for that you are saying he is lazy.

She has, she said in her first post that she does everything else. I'm not sure what her 'everything else' is but in my house and people I know it would be, washing, drying and putting away clothes/towels, ironing, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, making beds, preparing and cooking meals, cleaning up after meals, shopping, general tidying, house/school admin, taking kids to activities, walking dogs, bathing dogs, gardening.

So yes if he only does 4 hours work, some prep and school runs, I think he could do more.

If he’s lazy for working 4 (it’s really more as he peeps during the day too) hours a day and doing school runs? So what does that make OP? She doesn’t do school runs or work. She does an hour of supervision in the morning. Dresses a small child and loads the dishwasher. Then presumably child care from 3pm til bedtime and cooking dinner. That’s not strenuous. It sounds like they’re pretty balanced tbh.

What about all the other tasks that I've listed in my previous post that she presumably does as she's said she does everything else?

Is it possible you may suffer from a bit of anxiety OP? I can be awfully micro-managing and on edge, especially in the mornings as I am not naturally a morning person. It stems from feeling out of control as a child/teen (alcoholic parent) and not knowing how to manage my stress. When I realised I had anxiety DH and I worked out that it was manifesting itself by being quite overbearing to deal with in the mornings, same kind of thing as you, micromanaging DH’s wake up time etc.

We’ve manage to address it together, I still get the racing mind and compulsion to tell him what to do, but I now have a little chat to myself and remind myself that I’m feeling unnecessarily anxious, that DH has never made the DC late for school, and if they were late it’s not the end of the world etc.

In turn, DH is pretty good at spotting when I am going through a stressful time and my anxiety is high, and if he sees my micromanaging tendencies start to show he goes easy on me, doesn’t snap back, takes jobs off my list etc.

I have chatted to a couple of friends about this and it has really resonated with them so it’s definitely worth considering.

Without knowing what "some prep" is it's hard to make a comparison.

My feeling is that (roughly time wise)
morning prep = schools runs
General housework during day = work prep
childcare/evening jobs = evening work

This post reads very much as a classic case of neither partner being appreciated by the other. OP "does everything" but in 7 hours of DC at school, how long does "everything" really take? There is surely a lot of leisure time there? She lists tasks in minute detail to prove how much she is doing (that DH is presumably not appreciating). On the other hand DH's work is dismissed as "some prep during the day" and a "few hours at night" (she's not really appreciating him either).

Those being harsh to op seem to forget she has a long term health condition.
Op I would not call him till the last minute and no he doesn't deserve a medal for doing a small job which would be more difficult for you.

This thread makes me grateful again that my partner and I work as a team. If he doesn’t have to get up, not only do I encourage him to stay in bed, but I ensure the children are quiet so they don’t disturb him. He does the same for me. There doesn’t need to be two parents to get kids ready for school. Of the OP wanted to sleep in they could take it in turns (subject to his evening work finish times). But she cant and doesn’t want a lie in. What would she have the husband do? Get up so she can sit down with a cup of tea? Where Is the logic in that? Why wouldn’t you want your partner to be rested and get up naturally, if that is possible?

There are some awful man haters on this site. And some highly unreasonable partners.