To be fed up DH acts like a saviour because he takes the kids to school?

[TheLumpiestSpacePrincess]

He works but for himself. Part time. Usually evenings.

So he is here all day, as am I.

He HATES getting up in the morning.

Routine goes like this...

1. 15am. I get up. Don't even bother asking him to.

Get kids up. Take dog out for wee. Make breakfast. Get uniforms laid out. 7.30am.Clear up breakfast Feed dog Load dishwasher Help little ones get dressed. Shout DH to get up. Make DDs lunch. Shout DH to get up. Check bags and prepare any PE kits etc Shout DH to get up. Make myself a cup of tea Shout DH to get up. Take dog out for poop Shout DH to get up (kids need to leave at 8.25) Wave older kids off.

8.05 Shout DH to get up (shout his name)

Which is responded with a very shouty and aggressive "WHAT??"
With him storming down the stairs barging passed me with "it's only fucking five past 8"

Im sick of this every morning. Then he has the audacity to say 'I get up and take them to school every morning!!'

Yeah he does. And he picks them up.

But I do EVERYTHING else

And I'm sick to fucking death of being his alarm every 10 mins (he just ignores his phone and Alexa) then getting a load of fucking grief for it.

I think I'm going to just start taking them myself.

But then I'll resent him even more for doing fuck all(apart from his part time hours) and getting to stay in bed every morning.

Urgh.

Yeah, stop yelling at him all morning. He can get up at eight fifteen to drive the kids to school.
How come the older ones can walk but it's a 45 minute walk for the others? Can't the older ones take them?

Frankly, one of the most annoying things in a relationship is where one person does something and resents the other person for not doing it, when the other person hasn't had an opportunity to do it in the first place, or has a different view on that thing and doesn't accept it needs doing now.

So stop loading the dw at seven am, get dh to sort the kids' kit the night before etc. Get up at 7.30 since you can't sleep longer anyway but sit and have a nice breakfast. Take DH a cup of tea at eight.

tbh I would rather do the one hour morning routine with my kids at home, in my dressing gown and messy hair then wave them goodbye and sit with a coffee than jump in the car and do the dropping off at school routine then drive back.
Maybe if you guys sort out the gym kits and stuff the night before it would help. I think it's fair enough that you do breakfast he does the dropping off.

You’ve really written a big long padded out list of not very much at all OP tbh. (I mean waving the older kids off is hardly a task worthy of being added to a list of jobs you do!) And a bit of it can be prepped the night before.

Here’s an adjusted list.

Night before:
Make lunches
Pack bags & PE kits
Lay uniforms out

1. 15am. I get up.

Get kids up. Take dog out for wee & feed dog Make breakfast. (Including your own tea-that’s not a separate task!) 7.30am.Clear up breakfast (which means sticking your own dishes in dishwasher and putting a cereal box away?) DCs can Load their own dishes into dishwasher Help little ones get dressed. Take dog out for poop

I don't want a lie in. I can't sleep passed 7.30. Even on weekends
In which case I think you're in danger of straying into the "I'm up early so think everyone else should be" territory tbh.

You don't have to be his alarm clock. He's a big boy and can get up at the correct time to do the school run. He needs to suck up get up in the morning to do the school run.

I'd be pissed off if someone decided that because they've got up, I have to be up.

I also think you're being a bit out of order trying to down play his job as something that started as a hobby, isn't that strenuous, he does some prep for work during the day (so working), but only counting him working on the evenings.

He sounds like my ex husband. l worked shifts, and when we only had one car early shifts were a nightmare. l'd be shouting up the stairs every five minutes for him, in between getting ready, feeding dogs, letting dogs out, etc. l'd be stressed to death by the time he ambled downstairs five minutes before we needed to leave the house.
When we had a car each l actually got a call from his work an hour and a half after he should have started work (l started before him on an early shift) asking if he was ok. He hadn't turned in for work, they'd rung him, no response.
l ended up having to take my lunch break at 9.30am to drive home to check if he was ok. He was still in bed. l got shouted at for 'checking up on him'! He'd spoken to work and told them he had a migraine. Which was lies, he just couldn't be arsed to get out of bed.
When we were going to Relate, the counsellor told me to "leave him in bed and let him sort himself out". Which would have resulted in him losing his job, and me having to keep both of us.
After we split up and his firm were making redundancies, guess what? They let him go.

However. lf you don't work and he works from home, and you're up anyway, you may as well do what you're doing. l agree with PP - do as much as you can the night before. That takes the pressure off in the morning. l always used to do the packed lunches the night before. lf he's working in the evenings, presumably the children are in bed then. He doesn't actually need to be up at the same time as you, as you say, you can't sleep late. Leave him to it in the mornings, l think you'd find it much less stressful. Have 'your' time in the evenings when he's working.

You don't want to wake him up any more - how about a really loud alarm clock that he has to get out of bed to turn off, set for a time that he agrees to? Or just wake him once at a time you've both agreed? Or do you actually want a bit of help with the kids too?

Does he choose to work in the evenings? Could he do his work in the day?

It sounds as though he's opting out of time with the children.

I would agree with him that he takes them to school.

Then I would NOT shout, at all, it just gets everyone stressed. Just leave him to get up if and when. If it means your kids get late for school, it is his fault and he needs to deal with the fallout with school. If it keeps happening, sit down and decide that if he is NOT going to do the school run, what is he going to do instead (washing and ironing, mopping floors, other jobs)

You shouting at him all morning is a shit way to start the day, for the whole family. Let him do it his way. or do it yourself (it is not your job to wake him up), and he does other stuff,

Seriously, this is no way to live

You don't work; he works four hours a day and supports the family on that. He is a man child and can't even be replied on to get out of bed in the morning.

Agree with @thehumansaredefinitelydead. Let him crack on. Don't shout at him. He has to wake and get up and get the dc to school. he's an adult. Talk to him about how this is upsetting you. Come up with a plan.

I couldn't be doing with spending my life like that - not great for the dc, is it? - but then you have all day to recover from the morning routine.

Does he choose to work in the evenings?
Could he do his work in the day?
It sounds as though he's opting out of time with the children
It sounds like he does his prep for work during the day and then does the bulk of his work in the evenings, just like anyone else who doesn't work a 9-5 pattern.
The OP is a SAHP.

Would someone who works evening shifts be opting out of time with their children? What about people who work away for days/weeks at a time? What about people who work weekends? Are they all opting out too?

His working hours have no relevance to the OP's morning situation.
Just because she is up, doenst mean he has to be. Other posters have shown how the big list in the OP is listing every small thing (eg dishwasher doesn't have to be on before the kids go to school) and much of it can be done the night before.

As long as he is up to do his part of the morning then then that's fine. I'd certainly stop being his alarm clock though.

So he takes his children to school, picks them up again, does some (paid) work during the day (when the children are at school) and does the bulk of his work in the evening (for some/all of which the DC will be in bed).

OP is a SAHP to school age DC and gets up early by choice.

I'm not really seeing why she feels so hard done by tbh. Using the usual MN rule of thumb she seems to have at least equal and probably more leisure time than DH.

Who walks the dog?

Does he really have to be up in the mornings? You’re clearly a morning person and he isn’t. If you do mornings but he does the picks ups, then pass a different task or set of tasks on to him, something less time specific.

If I could change my routine so it didn’t include an early morning section (I’m a single parent so not going to happen!) I’d function so much better. My output at work would be better, and I’d happily work into the evening.

Have you discussed the division of labour with him ?

You have at least as much leisure time as your DH and probably a lot more than most of us so don't see why you have such a problem. It must be irritating to feel you have to keep waking him up but equally very irritating to be called constantly in the morning. Why do you start so early? Just go up with a cup of tea at 8.10 and leave him to it. If he doesn't get up and the children are late to school THEN you have reason to complain

I don't want a lie in. I can't sleep passed 7.30. Even on weekends
In which case I think you're in danger of straying into the "I'm up early so think everyone else should be" territory tbh.

I agree with this totally and think it’s a very unfair way to think about things. It shows a lack of empathy and lack of understanding that people work differently.

When he’s working in the evenings what are you doing?

And I never side with the DH on here!

His sleeping in sounds really frustrating. He needs to get up in time to take children to school. Equally you need to stop shouting up the stairs. How long do think he needs to throw some jeans and a jacket on? 5 mins? So 5 mins before he needs to leave, go up and say to him you have 5 mins to get kids to school and walk out the room. It's not just your responsibility to get them there on time. School will know who drops off.

I would also be getting him to pitch in a bit more. You have 3? kids you care for and a disability bad enough to stop you from driving. If you really do do everything else then give him a couple of chores.

Its not such a nice life being a SAHM through no choice of your own and it sounds like you do more hours than your husband.

Hi OP I would feel sorry for you but essentially this is a who's the laziest thread. We both get up at 6.30 , do all the stuff you do and more ,both work full time. Getting up at 7.15 and being a SAHM sounds like the stuff of dreams. You're married to a lazy lump but your language in the OP is pretty foul so perhaps your perfect for each other.

You're * 😊

I think you need to find a reason to be away for a few days during the school week so that DH has to do everything for a few days. Might give him a bit more appreciation? Can any of the morning tasks be done the night before? Also, what would happen if you didn't wake him, just left him to it. Maybe try it one morning.

Can you not just ask him, "What time would you like me to wake you, without it making you angry, so you can take the kids to school? I will wake you at that time, once only. So no need to be miserable."

Just go up with a cup of tea at 8.10 and leave him to it. If he doesn't get up and the children are late to school THEN you have reason to complain
He doesn't need a cup of tea taking to him!
He just needs to get up at the appropriate time to do his part of the morning routine, which is taking the kids to school.

I think you need to find a reason to be away for a few days during the school week so that DH has to do everything for a few days. Might give him a bit more appreciation?
Why does the SAHP have to go away for a few days to make some point that, shock horror, the SAHP who is an early riser gets the kids ready?
What's the point? Should he decide to stop working for a few days to prove what he does? (Of course not). It's silly, childish point scoring.

I wish I had a "man child" husband who did both school runs and supported us all on his sole income

wtf are you getting the kids up, why are you putting uniform out?
Surely the kids can manage some of your list.
Bags and PE kit done the night before an waiting by the door. The older ones can do this themselves, and you can teach the younger ones.
Lunch, the night before and in the fridge.

I don't understand why you are up so early and not done the night before.

What time does your dh finish at night and go to bed? If it's very late/early morning I can see why he doesn't want to get up.

Being shouted at in the morning to get up would piss me off. Stop doing that. I'm sure he'll know to get up in time for the school run. Not everyone is a morning person, especially not those of us who work best in the evenings. Leave him to it.

I also think you sound a bit martyrish OP. You'd be making breakfast anyway. Presumably you're just emptying the dishwasher and refilling with the bowls and spoons etc which your children could do.

I am an up and out within 20 mins sort of person and I would resent having to get up to fanny around the house for an hour before I needed to leave. If you would be up and having breakfast anyway then it's no skin off your nose.

The school bags and packed lunches could be done the night before by either person.