To be fed up DH acts like a saviour because he takes the kids to school?

[TheLumpiestSpacePrincess]

He works but for himself. Part time. Usually evenings.

So he is here all day, as am I.

He HATES getting up in the morning.

Routine goes like this...

1. 15am. I get up. Don't even bother asking him to.

Get kids up. Take dog out for wee. Make breakfast. Get uniforms laid out. 7.30am.Clear up breakfast Feed dog Load dishwasher Help little ones get dressed. Shout DH to get up. Make DDs lunch. Shout DH to get up. Check bags and prepare any PE kits etc Shout DH to get up. Make myself a cup of tea Shout DH to get up. Take dog out for poop Shout DH to get up (kids need to leave at 8.25) Wave older kids off.

8.05 Shout DH to get up (shout his name)

Which is responded with a very shouty and aggressive "WHAT??"
With him storming down the stairs barging passed me with "it's only fucking five past 8"

Im sick of this every morning. Then he has the audacity to say 'I get up and take them to school every morning!!'

Yeah he does. And he picks them up.

But I do EVERYTHING else

And I'm sick to fucking death of being his alarm every 10 mins (he just ignores his phone and Alexa) then getting a load of fucking grief for it.

I think I'm going to just start taking them myself.

But then I'll resent him even more for doing fuck all(apart from his part time hours) and getting to stay in bed every morning.

Urgh.

Not your point- I understand, but significant amount t of your routine could be done the night before- clothes ready, lunches made, bags checked. Does the dog get two walks on the morning, or are you just letting it out the back? I u deratand your frustration is that he isn't helping, but if that won't change, try to make the morning easier on you.

Or he could just get himself up at the appropriate time The OP gives the impression that he won't do this though. Is that fair for the kids to take that risk because their dad is a lazy arsehole?

@Damntheman - But how he is a 'lazy arsehole' though? He's definitely not a morning person and it sucks that OP has to remind him to wake up but there's nothing to suggest he's lazy. He works 4 hours, does prep work for his job and does the morning and afternoon school runs. That's not lazy and we won't be saying it was if the roles were reversed.

This thread is all just projection as the op has not provided enough information. None of us know if the op is lazy, if the dh is lazy, if both are lazy, if the op isn't lazy, if the dh isn't lazy, if neither are lazy. We have information on what happens for one hour of the day, where the op clearly does more. Nothing about the other 23 though.

Does he do any parenting other than the school run? If he is working evenings instead of while the children are in school, when does he see them?

He's lazy because he won't get up on time Pumpkin. Despite knowing it's causing stress to everybody. I am definitely not a morning person either and yet, shockingly enough, I get up in the morning on time. It's not that challenging of a concept. Why are you defending his behaviour just because he has a penis and earns a wage? A lot of people do far more than him without complaint.

So he does school runs and works for 4 hours a day and you do everything else. He should be doing more in terms of his share of cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing etc.

I often have to wake my OH up multiple times before he gets up, he works full time and still does loads around the house and with the kids though so I don't mind.

He needs to do more and stop moaning about anything he actually does. It's part of having a home and family.

He’s doing more given the school runs plus four hours work, I doubt housework each day amounts to that.

He’s not exactly rushed of his feet though, neither of you are. Quite rare for four hours of work a day to finance two adults and children so maybe the work is very hard.

The OP gives the impression that he won't do this though. Is that fair for the kids to take that risk because their dad is a lazy arsehole?
Except he doesn't get a minute to get up properly because he's being yelled at to get up an hour before he needs to.

I know what time I need to get up in a morning to leave the house on time. I'm perfectly capable of setting my alarm and getting up. If I set my alarm an hour earlier and I'm tired then I'm just going to hit snooze until I need to get up.
The OP's continuous shouting to get him up is no different from me hitting snooze on my alarm or going back to sleep if I don't need to be up yet.

Maybe if she stopped taking it upon herself to shout him up because she's awake he might just get up at the correct time.

I'm a morning person naturally. I don't need a gold star for it and I certainly don't expect everyone else to be up because I am.

So he does school runs and works for 4 hours a day and you do everything else. He should be doing more in terms of his share of cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing etc.

Does OPs family tasks add up to 5 hours a day? I doubt it does tbh.

Does OPs family tasks add up to 5 hours a day? I doubt it does tbh.

Well I'm glad my OH doesn't think like that. Working doesn't mean you get to opt out of all household chores and childcare other than school runs, especially at busy times like school mornings. What sort of person makes such a big deal out of taking their kids to school when they're doing nothing else? If you have a home, partner, children and animals, expect to be busy.

mornings suck royal dick

I'm keeping this, I'm not a morning person either, used to get up at 8.00 to take kids and dragged myself to school. Now, I get up when I like, was 9am this morning.
I work late though, sometimes it gets to 3am and I've no idea it's so late.

Working doesn't mean you get to opt out of all household chores and childcare other than school runs, especially at busy times like school mornings.
Of course it doesn't.
But when one person works and the other is a SAHP then the balance on home things would lie more towards the SAHP.

Equally, many of the things on the OP's list don't have to be done on the morning and can be done the night before, and things like putting the dishwasher on don't have to be done before the kids go to school so have been added on to add to the "look how much I do in a morning" list.

What sort of person makes such a big deal out of taking their kids to school when they're doing nothing else?
Is it a big deal about the school run or starting your day in a bad mood because your partner has decided that because they're up (and are a self confessed early bird anyway), you should also be up and before you've even got downstairs you've started your day being shouted at to get up multiple times over the hour?

I'd be bloody raging if my DH took it upon himself to decide what time I needed to get up in a morning to the point of him shouting me up multiple times.

LolaSmiles

The thing is, OPs 'work' is having a stressful morning with their kids and dog whilst her husband is in bed. He can and does choose to do his work in the evening and it sounds a lot more relaxed than her morning. It's not comparable. It sounds like he's opting out of homelife and children as OP says she does everything except the school run. He's her partner, if she's struggling, it wouldn't hurt him to step up some mornings or at least get himself up. Also, mornings can be stressful regardless of how much you do to prepare the night before.

What does your DH do?

Genuinely interested in what he's doing for 4 hours a day that earns enough money to support a whole family then research how to do it myself

The thing is, OPs 'work' is having a stressful morning with their kids and dog whilst her husband is in bed. He can and does choose to do his work in the evening and it sounds a lot more relaxed than her morning
As others have said though her morning is busy by choice and quite a few things on the list are non jobs really.
E.g.
The dishwasher doesn't have to go on first thing when getting kids ready. It could easily be done after the kids have gone to school and both could do it.

The dog going for a wee is a case of open the door.
Waving the older kids out the door isn't a chore.
Making herself a cup of tea is not a morning job and is only on the list to add to the sense of "look how long my list is".

Shouting DP to get up millions of times an hour before he needs to be up isn't needed.

Uniforms and bags can be done the night before like many posters have said.

The whole morning sounds stressful because the OP has decided to huff and puff that she is up and DP isn't.

I'd be pissed off and grumpy in the morning if someone was shouting me up for no reason other than they've decided they're up so I should be.

I've seen friends take this view on things where jobs can be done at any number of alternative times, but they huff and puff about how their DP doesn't do it at the time they would do it. One of our mutual friends gets irritated that his girlfriend doesn't put the bins out on an evening (she'd do it the next morning on the way out). Thankfully they both laugh about this, but if he was of the OP's mentality and some posters on here his girlfriend would be branded some feckless housework abandoning lazybones who was trying to opt out of domestic life by being deliberately useless.

I wouldn't find being shouted at to get up a zillion times a nice relaxing morning in bed.

I don't see that OP's morning is particularly stressful - it's all just normal morning stuff when you have younger school age children surely? Actually I'd rather have her job than have to brave the school run (and then brave it again later to pick the DC up). I presume she has a second cup of tea after she's shut the door on everyone and gets to sit down and relax?

When the kids were little we did one morning on one off. It worked ok, one of us always got a lie in. I wouldnt be botbered making him tske them to school if I had done the rest. It's not much effort to just take them yourself. If he's a night owl let him lie in and stsrt his day when he's ready, but he needs to do some stuff at other times, weekends or evenings

I'd be pissed off and grumpy in the morning if someone was shouting me up for no reason other than they've decided they're up so I should be.

No reason? How about he should get up because he's got kids to spend a bit of time with as he works evenings ! I just don't see why it's always OPs job to do the mornings while he gets to stay in bed. He chooses to do his 4 hours of work in the evening and then OP says does nothing else. Working 4 hours isn't enough to justify not doing anything apart from school runs. My dad used to get up 10 minutes before we left the house and then rush around barking at everyone, it was horrible. It was stressful for my mum and us kids worrying if we were going to be late. Having kids means there's more to sort out in the mornings than yourself if you're a decent parent.

And I wish my dogs going for a wee was just a case of opening the back door. It usually involves a further 10 minutes of me wiping paws and cleaning floors.

No matter how much you prepare at night, mornings are busy.

but if he was of the OP's mentality and some posters on here his girlfriend would be branded some feckless housework abandoning lazybones who was trying to opt out of domestic life by being deliberately useless.

OP has said she does everything else so I'd say this is probably accurate for OPs husband.

OPs clearly not happy so needs to speak to her OH about the situation.

I don’t get this kind of competitive parenting. He likes to sleep in and you actively don’t. Why on earth would you wake him up?

I don’t think I’ve ever laid out my child’s uniform for them 🤷‍♀️

I don't get this at all. Seems like a great set up and you're both moaning. Who cares if he's in bed at 8. As long as he gets the kids to school on time

@user68901 really? Even aged 4 and 5? I will probably carry on until they're in junior school. But I also do it the night before

Can you not negotiate with him to do other jobs ( particularly the ones you hate) . It could be part of a general discussion on how he needs to do 50%.
And if he says he earns more money, point out that the wrap around child care, dog walking, laundry, coming cleaning etc that you provide would take a fucking massive salary increase For him to be able to afford it. Your unpaid work odd invaluable.

You could also mention that you might want to shag him a bit more if he didn’t just create work and watch you work. Or us that just me projecting

MonChatEstMagnifique
The OP has said he does work prep during the day too.
So he does both school runs, work prep during the day and then works on an evening too.

There's a discussion to be had on allocation of duties and timing, the dishwasher, for example, could be done by either of them once the school run is done.

But to be honest, I'm fairly sceptical of anyone who lists making themselves a cup of tea on their "list of jobs I do on a morning" and who claims their DH only works 4 hours an evening in essentially a hobby job, but then clarifies he also does work prep during the day... But his job isn't strenuous and generally minimises his job when they're at home all day and the kids are in school.
It feels very much like setting the scene for a very one sided take on things