To be fed up DH acts like a saviour because he takes the kids to school?

[TheLumpiestSpacePrincess]

He works but for himself. Part time. Usually evenings.

So he is here all day, as am I.

He HATES getting up in the morning.

Routine goes like this...

1. 15am. I get up. Don't even bother asking him to.

Get kids up. Take dog out for wee. Make breakfast. Get uniforms laid out. 7.30am.Clear up breakfast Feed dog Load dishwasher Help little ones get dressed. Shout DH to get up. Make DDs lunch. Shout DH to get up. Check bags and prepare any PE kits etc Shout DH to get up. Make myself a cup of tea Shout DH to get up. Take dog out for poop Shout DH to get up (kids need to leave at 8.25) Wave older kids off.

8.05 Shout DH to get up (shout his name)

Which is responded with a very shouty and aggressive "WHAT??"
With him storming down the stairs barging passed me with "it's only fucking five past 8"

Im sick of this every morning. Then he has the audacity to say 'I get up and take them to school every morning!!'

Yeah he does. And he picks them up.

But I do EVERYTHING else

And I'm sick to fucking death of being his alarm every 10 mins (he just ignores his phone and Alexa) then getting a load of fucking grief for it.

I think I'm going to just start taking them myself.

But then I'll resent him even more for doing fuck all(apart from his part time hours) and getting to stay in bed every morning.

Urgh.

@WaterSheep

Here

''Flatted, I have health issues which make it difficult. Plus I don't drive so it would mean a 45 min walk.''

Omg, mumsnet, fgs, I cannot believe the ''what do the pair of you do all day?'' comments.

OP I am a single parent so obviously I don't feel sorry for your kids

I'm sure they'll soldier on! I think it's a decent idea to get the children to tell him ''dad, dad, dad, if you get up now we can be on time''.

Otherwise it's too easy for him to cast you in the role of nag.

Ah right so it's a 45 minute walk, not drive. How long does it take to drive to school?

I have to agree that at the minute the best option seems to be to combine the school walk with the dog walk. As well as getting your husband to do some of the jobs in an evening, such as lunches and packing bags for the children who are too young to do this.

The amount of shouting and the atmosphere this causes each morning seems unnecessary, when there are other ways of approaching the situation.

He isn't up in time unless the OP wakes him. And he's an adult.
I'd send the kids to wake him.

Lordy love you need a reality check: Try getting up at 6am to walk the dog before getting yourself and all children ready before a full days work and 7:45 everyone has to leave the house. Your OH provides all the income and works late evenings. Be more supportive. Or just imagine life as a single parent where you literally have to do everything.

Alicia1234 I was referring to the 45 minute drive, I see you have since corrected your post, but I was typing the reply as you corrected yourself.

Why do you bother calling up the stairs 6 times if you know he wont get up until 8.05 - just call him once at 8.05. I would be annoyed too if you woke me at 7.30 when I dont actually need to get up until 8.05. Or do you need him to help you with other things in the morning as well?

To be honest, if I only had to be up to drive to a school at 8.25 and I earned enough of an evening to financially support a whole family in my own, then I wouldn't get up till 8.20am, to spend 5 mins getting dressed, and would get pretty cross at someone shouting at me to get up for an entire hour beforehand. It does sound like an unnecessarily miserable atmosphere to get up in.

So what does he do before he starts work?

Do your health issues impact your mobility, ability to do things round the house? Is your DH considerate of your health issues?

@WaterSheep oh alright, yeah didn't make much sense then ;)

I would hit the test button on the smoke alarm see how quickly he shoots out of bed then.

OP seems to have my mother’s attitude to life that if she’s forced to get up, everyone else also ought to suffer too

Uniforms, lunches and school bags he can do before he comes to bed.

Dishwasher can be loaded at any time during the day.

All you would then have to do in the morning is let the dogs out and then get the kids up, teeth, dressed and breakfasted.

If he doesn’t leave till 8.25 and is just dropping at school and then straight home, I don’t see why he needs to be up before 8.15. All he needs to do is wash, teeth and sling some clothes on.

It’s bloody hard work when you’ve got chronic health issues, but it would make your life easier to divide the labour better and communicate more.

Tbh I think YABU if you are a SAHM. Surely the job is the majority of childcare. If he’s not a morning person and the only working person in the household could he pick up afternoon tasks- cleaning, cooking, washing up etc if you would get up early regardless?

The whole thing is ridiculous. He needs to get up off his arse in the morning and help out, do his 4 hours when the kids are in school and help out in the evening. Or else do alternate mornings and evenings.

Lordy love you need a reality check: Try getting up at 6am to walk the dog before getting yourself and all children ready before a full days work and 7:45 everyone has to leave the house. Your OH provides all the income and works late evenings. Be more supportive. Or just imagine life as a single parent where you literally have to do everything.

Bollocks to that, why should op walk 45 mins to school so her partner, who drives, can laze in bed? I'd understand if he'd just come off a 12 hour night shift but he does 4 hour in the evening

My DH does this too on the days he's off and taking the kids to school. I get up at the crack of dawn, get myself ready for work, the kids all ready to go and he gets up 10 mins before it's time to leave. If I call him he'll snap back at me so now I just fucking leave him to it. It's so bloody selfish that he thinks he doesn't have to be involved if the whole getting ready routine and just leaves it to me even though I'm trying to get out to work. So I do understand but don't have any answers.

All those having a go at OP do you not think she'd swap her health problems to be fit and well and able to work. You have no idea, so maybe just go easy on someone who has stated they don't be well.

To be honest, if I only had to be up to drive to a school at 8.25 and I earned enough of an evening to financially support a whole family in my own, then I wouldn't get up till 8.20am, to spend 5 mins getting dressed, and would get pretty cross at someone shouting at me to get up for an entire hour beforehand. It does sound like an unnecessarily miserable atmosphere to get up in This!!

He doesn't sound like he has the self discipline to be successfully self employed, would probably be better in a job with a hard start time.

Well this isn't true.

I am not a morning person and am
self employed.
As the OP says he works in the evenings.

I'm not really sure why you're shouting for him so much and so early.
If he doesn't need to leave until 8.25 then 8.05 is a fine time to get up.
Especially if he's working in the evenings.

Here is how I see it. You don't work and you are an early bird so you are up anyway and can crack on with getting the DC sorted for school. DH is a night owl but he is happy to take the DC to school as he drives and you don't. I would stop the interim shouting to him as he doesn't respond. I know he should get himself up but I think I would choose to go to him at 8.05 and tell him, without the yelling, that it is time for him to get up. He can then get up and go without there being any agro. When he is home from the school run you both have plenty of time to relax, work, do chores before he has to go get them again. It is only one hour in the morning that seems a bit stressful. Don't let it become a massive issue.

How about this OP.

Don’t call him in the morning. Don’t send the DC up. He doesn’t get up when you call anyway and he snaps and growls at you when you do so it’s creating a whole load of bad feeling with no positive outcome. You feel like you’re getting him up by calling him but you’re not, he isn’t getting up until he decides to. He knows when he needs to get up. He doesn’t get up because you called enough times, he gets up because he’s keeping half an eye on his phone and knows the time (guess how I know this? ) So save your breath. If he isn’t up by 8:20 then call him saying “DH it’s 20 past 8 you need to go now”.

And start prepping as much as you can the night before so your morning isn’t as rushed.

If he is managing to support you all on four hours' work a day then I think he does deserve a bit of a lie-in. As PP have said, don't call him so much earlier than he needs to get up, and start giving the DC more responsibility for prepping their stuff the night before.
You need to focus on what is practical and lose any idea of moral superiority over getting up early.

I am an early bird like you so I am up at 6 am anyway so sort out all the morning chores and then turn the kitchen timer on when I leave the house at 7.30 for work, so the dc will wake dh at 8 (they watch tv while he sleeps). Dh works evening/late shifts full time and is not often home until after midnight. But even if he didn’t I would let him sleep a this little bit longer as he is naturally a late owl.

Tbh I like the peace! And the dc tend to wake after 7-7.30 am so I’m able to get ready mostly in peace. We don’t have a dog though, I would not be adding that extra workload on.

I am very envious of your dh’s ability to support your family on a part time evening job!

If I'm reading your post correctly your children are all school age, and the oldest are old enough to take themselves to school.

So really, your very long list of things you do is just to make a point, many of these are incidental or your DC should be doing themselves -you don't have teeny tiny children that need lots of hands on interaction, although you do have a dog (whose idea was the dog?)

I'd find your constant shouting extremely annoying, and I don't understand why you can't have a conversation with DH that goes along the lines of "you need to get up in time to take the DC to school. I will stop shouting but if you're not up by 8.15 I will send the DC up to wake you - is that ok?"

Taking the DC to and from school (which presumably also includes dropping off messages, occasional popping into the office, speaking to the teacher, having to make small talk to other parents about where Jane's jumper has gone ...) is a fairly large and tedious part of parenting that you are not having to do. You do seem to be very dismissive of DH's role in doing this.